gift from ex

TBagpuss

I don't think it is weird for your ex to have given the gift, in the circumstances, it sounds as though your parting was fairly amicable and it's not uncommon to get baby gifts from people who you are not on regular gifting terms with.

However, your priority is your current relationship, so I'd say that you tell your gf what happened, show her the gift, and then either she is fine with it and you keep the gift, or she isn't, and you donate it to a charity shop.

Either way, you thank the ex for the gift. You don't have to tell her what became of it. Once a gift is given, it it the recipient's do do as they want with it, including giving it away.

hazyjo

lebowski1980 wrote: »

She didn't let me know that she had them until recently and although they are precious i missed them when going through my albums so i don't think any suspicious.

hazyjo - do you gf and not ex? How do you think I'm not helping the situation? Genuine question as I'm very happy in my relationship with my gf and she is an amazing lady. The whole ex thing is really the only issue we have.

Not been in constant contact with her behind her back no - I've been open about our contact and have told her whenever she has messaged

I'm friends with several ex-BFs, but I'd certainly not consider meeting up with any to collect photos. I would have said 'can you post them?' or just left them. If you've lived without them for 4 years, do you really want them? Are they sentimental ones? Just sounds like she's looking for an excuse to see you, or vice versa. If my BF said to me he was meeting up with an ex from 4 years ago to collect something, I would find it strange.
(Missing something with your question of 'do you gf and not ex'. Not sure what you're asking.)

lebowski1980

TBagpuss wrote: »

I don't think it is weird for your ex to have given the gift, in the circumstances, it sounds as though your parting was fairly amicable and it's not uncommon to get baby gifts from people who you are not on regular gifting terms with.

However, your priority is your current relationship, so I'd say that you tell your gf what happened, show her the gift, and then either she is fine with it and you keep the gift, or she isn't, and you donate it to a charity shop.

Either way, you thank the ex for the gift. You don't have to tell her what became of it. Once a gift is given, it it the recipient's do do as they want with it, including giving it away.

Thank you. This is what I am intending to do. Thank you for all your feedback and thoughts

lebowski1980

hazyjo wrote: »

I'm friends with several ex-BFs, but I'd certainly not consider meeting up with any to collect photos. I would have said 'can you post them?' or just left them. If you've lived without them for 4 years, do you really want them? Are they sentimental ones? Just sounds like she's looking for an excuse to see you, or vice versa. If my BF said to me he was meeting up with an ex from 4 years ago to collect something, I would find it strange.
(Missing something with your question of 'do you gf and not ex'. Not sure what you're asking.)

I could have said just post them but they are of me, my brother and sister from when we were children and there are not that many that i have so they are very sentimental and important.

I have no feelings towards her romantically and I do not think she has to me either anymore as she is moving on with lots of different things in her life. We were so dysfunctional together that I'm glad we both found happiness going our separate ways.

Strange to meet after 4 years yes because i had no reason to meet before and i certainly wasn't looking for a meet-up.

hazyjo

Would you be comfortable if one of her exes from four years ago got in touch to say the same thing and she popped round his house to collect some stuff and prob have a chat, cuppa, drink, whatever?

lebowski1980

hazyjo wrote: »

Would you be comfortable if one of her exes from four years ago got in touch to say the same thing and she popped round his house to collect some stuff and prob have a chat, cuppa, drink, whatever?

Yeah i guess i would because i place my trust with her and no-one else irrespective of my feelings towards her ex (unless he was a known physical abuser or similar in which case it may be different)

If she decided to elope then that's up to her but i can't stop her from doing what she wants to do.

I don't think I said before but we met in town in a public place, not at her house if that changes anything

hazyjo

I trust my BF, but I wouldn't trust an ex of his from 4 years ago getting in touch.


Same as I didn't trust my ex-husband's ex who got in touch after 20+/30 years who seemed desperate to meet up with him (actually, was a Uni reunion she was organising - fine, until I established the only person she had going was my husband lol!).


It contributed to us splitting up. Not jealousy, more that it made me realise we were in a 'friendship' rather than a 'relationship'. If he thought it was okay to go spend a couple of nights reminiscing over old times with his ex in a hotel in Newcastle, then crack on. He didn't go, but last I heard, they were still together. She knew exactly why she wanted to get in touch with him...

trailingspouse

I think it's perfectly fine. It sounds to me like you're both behaving like grown-ups. She finds something that she knows would be important to you, lets you know (rather than just chucking them out), you go and pick them up, she knows your girlfriend is pregnant and thinks it would be nice to buy a little something (or maybe thinks it would be mean to totally ignore the upcoming event). You say thank you very much, and all is well.


The problem is your girlfriend's reaction to it all - and that's due to previous issues in her past, which you can do nothing about. Maybe you can show her that it's possible to act in a civilised manner towards an ex.


I bought my ex a wedding present - I was pleased that he'd moved on, and genuinely wished them well.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I think it's quite a sweet thing to do. And it's also fine if Mum isn't comfortable with it and wants it out of the house if she's weirded out by it - irrespective of non-pregnant behaviour, somebody who is about to or has recently given birth is inherently likely to be more sensitive about such things, because they're more vulnerable.

If she makes a huge fuss about it in the future, that is a problem, though.

74jax

Id be totally fine with it. I would also buy my ex a gift etc in the same circumstances. I would be completely OK for my husband to have an ex and buy a gift.... BUT.... Neither of us has insecurity issues or expressed any issues in meeting exs.