Single Dad & Wills And Letter of Wishes

mutley74

I am a single dad. I realise now i really really should get a will. Obviously i wish to leave all my savings etc to make sure my son (and any other future family) is well looked after. However, main dilemma should anything happen to me i dont want my son brought up my his mum. I know this seems strange but she deserted him when he was 5 to the point of i was his last resort before the LA.

Do i need to express my wishes for his upbringing in a will or does in need to be in a separate thing i heard called a Letter of Wishes?
Do i need a sol for this?

How can i make sure my ex-wife does not have any access to my estate if i die, even if she does end up looking after my son (against my wishes)???

thanks

mountainofdebt

I don't know the situation regarding trying to prevent your ex-wife seekin custody of her son should any thing (God forbid) happen to you.

However as far as the estate is concerned I do know that you can leave the money in trust for your son until he reaches an age you decide on. My Late FIL stated in his will that should my OH pre-decease him then my son was to have OH's share and although the money couldn't be handed over until he was 21, it would be possible to ask for an advance provided it was for educational purposes and the trustees agreed.

Have you thought about who would bring up your son? Also, have you thought about the cost of bringing him up? Would you allow his guardians to have an allowance etc?

mutley74

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Have you thought about who would bring up your son? Also, have you thought about the cost of bringing him up? Would you allow his guardians to have an allowance etc?

yes i am thinking of this every day...probably first choice my parents and if they were unable to look after my son, then my sister would be next choice. I would allow them to have living allowances. I would not object to contact with the mother, as he has now but she is unpredictable and very selfish person. I think there could be a major risk he would be deserted again by her if he lived with her..if she cant look after him before, what make it think she can look after him in the future?

thanks

localhero

Hi Atpug,

First of all you should draw up a Will and decide upon the age that your child(ren) inherit. You should also appoint 2 trustees to manage the estate until they are old enough to inherit. This task carries a great deal of responsibilty, so you must choose 2 people that you can trust who will act in the best interests of your children.

In your Will you should appoint guardian(s) for your children. There's the possibility that your ex may dispute your choice and she may try through the Courts to obtain custody in spite of your wishes. For that reason you should write a separate letter of wishes stating the reasons you have not appointed her as guardian. This should be kept with your Will, so that this document can be presented in evidence if she decides to try and claim custody.

You do not need a solicitor for this task, a decent Willwriter can supply you with what you require quite cost effectively.

mountainofdebt

Sorry OP - I've just re-read my question and it could sound as if I was accusing you of denying your ex care of your son.

I asked the question from the point of view of had you considered who you would like to raise your son - I know my sister and I had this conversation a few years back regarding my son.....we came to the conculsion that although my mum would have taken him in gladly, it wouldn't have been right and so I stated in my will that should anything happen to my OH and me, then my sister and BIL was to look after him.

I must admit I would prefer to go to a solicitor to get the will drawn up - if only for peace of mind should your ex decide to contest the will etc.

mutley74

Thanka again for replies. I think i prefer to use a sol for my will and for detailing my son's care. How much should i estimate it to cost for one to be drawn up and to include a lette of wishes?
At the moment i am single but if i find a new partner would it need to be re-drawn again?
another question do i need to inform my ex-wife of my wishes for our son in the event i die? (note i have full residency via court order).

localhero

I can't speak for how much solicitors charge, perhaps £100 or so, but the letter of wishes is something you should write yourself. Keep it simple - address it to your executors and clearly state your reasons why you haven't appointed your ex as guardian.

I wouldn't inform your ex, just keep the document with the Will.

With regards to new partners etc, you will need to make a new Will if you marry or if you want to leave them anything.

Savvy_Sue

How old is your son now? the thing to remember is that as children get older, it becomes feasible to ask them what they would like to happen.

We appointed guardians in our will, but made it clear to them that we didn't necessarily expect them to take on day to day care, but to decide at the time what the best solution might be. When we drew the wills up, the boys were young and their guardians would have needed to decide whether to ask friends to take them on and keep them in their home town, or move them to live with our relatives (anyone but either set of parents, probably!) Now they're older, I think the answers would be completely different, but they would have to be consulted. Well, the youngest would, as he's still only 15, but the older two could sort themselves out! No, I don't think they'd take the youngest one on ...

As for trusts, didn't Gordon do something before he became PM which made setting up a trust which didn't let children inherit at 18 appallingly difficult? Or tax ineffective. Or something. One of the other boards would be better for that question, I'm sure ...

hobo28

atpug wrote: »

(note i have full residency via court order).

If you have FULL residency and not shared (ie. the court order states that she has ACCESS only) then you can legally appoint a guardian in your will. That person will become the legal guardian upon your death rather than your ex assuming parental responsibility.

Of course your ex can choose to fight it in court, that is her right, just like she could fight you now. Wether or not she is successful on that will depend much on how much contact she currently has and the age and what the wishes of your son is

mutley74

Son is only 6 now. Yes i have FULL residency (ex gave up her right from shared res!).
I think my first choice for guardian would be my parents as he can live in the same area. But they are getting old too, do i need to state in letter of Wishes that my next choice would be a family member?(although this would mean my son moving areas)?
i checked with my sol, who said that as my ex has PR she would have full right to look after child upon my death, unless i state otherwise in a will an appointment of guardian.
thanks

Savvy_Sue

Personally I'd recommend you to do what we did: appoint guardians who would not necessarily take the lad on, but would decide what was in his best interests at the time. This means you don't have to be second guessing what might happen, how long your parents might feel able to take him on, etc etc etc.

The other thing is that the circumstances in which the will takes effect might change what was best for him. I have a friend whose husband died unexpectedly and very young in the bathroom at home, leaving her with two young children. Friends came in and redecorated the bathroom over the weekend, but she did move not long afterwards because she couldn't bear to be there any more.

Your son might be better off moving to a new area and making a fresh start, but a lot would depend on him, his age, and what he was moving to. These aren't things you can work out now. But if you can appoint someone you trust to work these things out for you should the need ever arise, you can hopefully sleep a bit easier.