Money Moral Dilemma: Should my sister-in-law give up her house after her husband's death?

sclare

It was their father's wish that she live there for the rest of her life. They were together for 20 years, and it was their long term home. This is not some women he shacked up with six months before he died.

The sons should respect their father's wishes. End of.

Pollycat

crmism wrote: »

It sounds a little like your sister-in-law has two grasping children, but that isn't necessarily the case here.

It sounded - at least to me - that the widow has 2 stepchildren.
That's confirmed by the writer of this MMD in post #42.
I agree with your term 'grasping'.

crmism wrote: »

You haven't mentioned what the house is worth or where it is but, if it is as you say large and, say, in the home counties then it will be worth a great deal and possibly take the value of her estate well above the nil-rate band when she dies even after bringing in the nil-rate band due on her late husband's death, so it does make sense for her to downsize and release capital in the form of inter-vivos gifts as soon as she can.

She isn't doing anyone any favours by hanging on, and needs to be reminded or told that gifts she is able to make now and more than seven years before her death are exempt, a saving of 40% inheritance tax on the amounts concerned. Even gifts made between three and seven years will effect a tax saving too.

Someone should sit down with her, assess how much capital she needs to live on, and advise on the steps needed to accomplish tax avoidance - not an insurance consultant or broker, who is only in it for the commission earned, but a properly qualified estate planner with no axes to grind and who charges a pre-agreed fee.

She's actually doing herself a favour by 'hanging on'.
It's the house she loves and she wants to stay there.

If her deceased husband had wanted to arrange things differently, he could have.

But he didn't.

Al.e

Please tell your SIL that now is not the time for making big decisions. Now is the time to look after herself. She's suffered a loss so be kind to herself and allow herself time to grieve but also time for the happy memories. Her husband's will made his wishes clear so she should keep that to the front of her mind and not be pressured into anything that isn't right for her.

gloriouslyhappy

Pollycat wrote: »

OK, Gloria

As the widow's SIL, you could be the sister of the deceased.
That would make you the Aunt of the 'greedy boys'.
Or you could be a relative on the widow's side
I'd be quite interested in hearing your opinion.
If you think the 'greedy boys' are out of order, it would be nice to know that you are supporting the widow in what she wants to do.

Actually, she's the widow of my second cousin - when I met her at an introductory family dinner a couple of months before she married my cousin, we had great fun trying to work out the exact relationship and then agreed to call each other sisters-in-law as we hit it off so well. We've been close friends ever since.

As the father of the children is my second cousin , does that make me third cousins with his children? I'm really not sure!

I don't see the children that often, and as the extended family is quite large it was agreed long ago, before they were born, that Christmas and birthday presents would only be exchanged between close family members eg siblings and grandchildren. Therefore I have a distant relationship with those children, a boy and girl. When we meet at extended family occasions like weddings (and now all too often funerals, alas) we have a quick hug and a brief chat but no more than that. I did give each of them £100 cash tucked into a card when they got married, but only sent cards, no money, when their own children were born.

As to my opinion, I don't think she should make any hasty decisions. The anniversary of his death is coming up and that will be a terrible time for her - for them too, I imagine. She has pretty much cleared out all his clothes to charity shops, but has left his special room (a cross between an office and an indoor shed!) untouched and never goes in it, too painful she says.

That tells me she's not ready to move, and as well, she has her beautiful garden which is a source of great comfort to her. Over the past twenty odd years, she's turned it from a big lawn with a few shrubs into a really beautiful space full of winding paths leading to mysterious nooks and crannies, unexpected seating areas and features like mirrored trellises and pergolas pop up here and there, and the planting has something of interest for all the seasons. Really very beautiful, and full of birds and the occasional hedgehog which she feeds. Plus, she has most of her friends in the area and an excellent social life within walking distance.

However there are some new builds in the area which have ramps, are low maintenance and designed for older people without being assisted living facilities. I got her to come with me by saying I wanted to look at them - we both agreed they were horrible! Pokey little rooms, no cupboard space and built right on top of each other with pocket-hanky size 'gardens' mainly gravel. So I think the children will just have to wait. Should her health deteriorate - she's very fit and active - that would be the time to open discussions, not now. If I were around them when the subject came up, I would tell them to back off.

Having said that, I can also see the children's point, strictly speaking she doesn't need a 5 bed 2 reception house with two flights of stairs, worth around £750k (bought for £87k!). But, their father made his decision to protect his wife so she wouldn't have to change her lifestyle once he was gone, and I think, especially as they're not in any immediate need, they should respect his wishes.

Pollycat

Gloria

Thanks for coming back with your opinion (and also for clarifying some points under discussion further up thread).

I'm not sure if you've given this lady's age but it does sound like the house may (or may not) become too much for her in the future.
But it's at that stage - and only then - that she should consider whether a move would be beneficial to her. Not beneficial to anyone else.

Her garden sounds fab.

Tabbytabitha

Thebeast wrote: »

How dare they even suggest it, it is not theirs till their mum passes away and not before the pair of inconsiderate mercenary no marks. Makes my blood boil.

She isn't their mum.

gloriouslyhappy

She's mid seventies, slim, fit, active and healthy.

Pollycat

gloriouslyhappy wrote: »

She's mid seventies, slim, fit, active and healthy.

And long may she remain like that - or the last 4 at least.

Tabbytabitha

gloriouslyhappy wrote: »

She's mid seventies, slim, fit, active and healthy.

And your point is?

Mikeeuropa

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

And your point is?

Gloria was answering a question that had been asked! Read the thread if you're going to comment on contributions.