Money Moral Dilemma: Should my sister-in-law give up her house after her husband's death?

toastrack_2

Ok so not a lot of detail No ifs buts or maybes. Let's just assume it's all hers. Tell the money grabbing little toe rags to do one. It's her house to do what she likes with. Here is an idea. Sell it and rent a little 1 bed property somewhere. Blow the rest of the money on her dream cruise/holiday or whatever. Then sit back in the armchair and die peacefully with a big smile on her face as she pictures the apoplectic look on the kids faces when they realise that they cannot have the latest "keep up with the Joneses BMW/Range Rover/Mercedes"

Mojisola

happyinflorida wrote: »

I can see why they'd be applying pressure for her to leave, there are good reasons for them to do this

2 if she's beginning to get seriously ill or getting dementia - her home will be sold to pay for her care home fees, so this could be another reason they're trying to get some money now as they're possibly going to lose all their majority of inheritance if it's in the house.

3 if a house is sold or money is given to children, it used to be the law, regarding inheritance, that the person giving the money had to live for a further 7 years in order to avoid inheritance tax on the money given, for the people receiving it.

Neither of these is relevant - the widow doesn't own the property - she only has the right to live in it.

The value of the house won't be included in any financial assessment for care.

The children have already inherited the house through their father's will - they just can't get hold of it until their step-mother no longer needs it.

happyinflorida

I've just read the follow up message to this one, so now have more to go on.

I would say if she's perfectly fit and healthy, then great, let her stay for a few more years but illness can strike at any time.



I've seen so many cases of dementia now, in people who are one minute perfectly ok and the next, can't cope with daily life. When the live on their own, it's a bit of a nightmare and most have to go into care within a couple of years.


I don't know if legal advice has been sought regarding her care home fees if that problem arose. She's lived in the house for 20 years and they were married, so I would have thought she is legally entitled to possibly half the value? So possibly the state would make a claim on the house - they sometimes put a charge on a property for care home fees or insist on it being sold immediately to pay for care home fees.


Obviously she's still grieving at present and from the information supplied, she still feels she wants to live there. She needs more time and a chance to go through the stages of grieving.


Part of that is dealing with her husbands belongings and she must be allowed to do this at her own pace - if it's done at all, some cannot cope - my mother never went through much of her mother's belongings, when they arrived in our home - a whole flat, furniture and all, it stayed there forever. I don't think that helped, she knew she should have gone through it all but never did and I think that made her ill - she ended up with Alzheimer's - it took nearly 18 years to finally end her life, so it was a nightmare.


I think careful consideration needs to be taken, as long as she's currently of sound mind, she should be allowed some space to grieve and deal with things and for life to go on.


The posts don't mention if she's close to her stepchildren or what contact she has with them.


If relations are not good, if she can afford it, get a solicitor's letter sent to the stepchildren, pointing out the legal position and asking them to stop their requests for the house to be sold.


If money is not available, then possibly write to each of the step children stating how she feels and tell them to stop asking.


If you meet up and have good relations, have them all round and tell them - especially if she's finding it upsetting and tell them she's grieving and it's not helping her.


Good luck!

happyinflorida

Mojisola wrote: »

Neither of these is relevant - the widow doesn't own the property - she only has the right to live in it.

The value of the house won't be included in any financial assessment for care.

The children have already inherited the house through their father's will - they just can't get hold of it until their step-mother no longer needs it.

I've deleted my original post now as I saw more information after I'd posted, had been made available.


However, if the widow had divorced her husband she would have been entitled to some value of the house wouldn't she, so if she needs to go into care, I would expect the government to do the same, I don't know the legalality regarding all of this, but it's certainly worth looking into so there are no nasty shocks, it might be why the stepchildren are trying to get her to sell now.

Mojisola

happyinflorida wrote: »

However, if the widow had divorced her husband she would have been entitled to some value of the house wouldn't she, so if she needs to go into care, I would expect the government to do the same, I don't know the legalality regarding all of this, but it's certainly worth looking into so there are no nasty shocks, it might be why the stepchildren are trying to get her to sell now.

The council can't include the value of a house that she doesn't own in her financial assessment.

gloriouslyhappy

'Please go with your SIL to a different solicitor with a copy of her husband's will! If she has lived in the house for twenty years, then it is her marital home.' (jeanthelibraryqueen)

'gloriouslyhappy's SIL didn't own the house at all - it must have been wholly owned by her husband.
As she has been provided for in the will through the life interest in the property, she wouldn't have a claim against his will.' (Mojisola)

Mojisola is correct, she doesn't have a claim against the house as she's been given lifetime right of abode. The children can't sell it, take out a loan against it, move in themselves, or force her to move.

'Were your sister-in-law's stepchildren pressuring her husband to sell their house and downsize while he was still alive?

It takes time to adjust to widowhood' (Periphery)

Not as far as she's aware, although the subject might have come up in her absence. The children used to have lunch alone with their dad every couple of months or so, which she encouraged.

'The posts don't mention if she's close to her stepchildren or what contact she has with them' (happyinflorida)

Their relationship with her is cordial rather than warm, but there's never been any animosity on either side. They were young adults in their late teens when their parents divorced, and in their mid 20s when he married my SiL, they had their own busy lives and lived in different parts of the country so meetings were limited to family occasions like weddings and birthdays.

She's definitely still adjusting to widowhood, everyone is missing him as he was an active energetic 79 year old who died unexpectedly about ten months ago after a very short illness.

'if she's beginning to get seriously ill or getting dementia - her home will be sold to pay for her care home fees' (happyinflorida)

She's perfectly fit, but the value of the house can't be used to offset any care home charges she might incur as legally it doesn't belong to her. Any inheritance tax would have to be paid by the children.

Her friends and I are encouraging her to stay put and not make any hasty decisions, but I know she's very upset whenever they contact her and bring the subject up. She's a generous person who does a lot of volunteering so tends towards feeling 'I'm being selfish not to sell'. I really don't know what will happen.

All your input you're giving here is pretty much towards the staying put rather than selling up side, and she was quite surprised to see that. Thank you very much.

magspots

No way should this lady have to give up her property. As long as the house is still hers legally, she can live in it for as long as she wants. Children can get their share when she has died. She shouldn’t feel pressurised into leaving her family home.

Pluribus1945

No, she shouldn't give it up, it's hers after the death of her husband, she needs a bit of stability and to remember the memories she shared with her late husband. Seems to me the stepchildren have no thoughts for her and are only interested in profiting from their father's death

Pollycat

louisajoyce wrote: »

Yes but this is a moral dilemma, and I think there is a case that it may be immoral to continue to live in a house you don't need because of the memories, rather than downsize now and assist the living.

And your reply opens the interesting question - should she only help if she likes the children, or should she help because they are her husband's children regardless of how she feels about them?

(ps, I meant flesh and blood as in alive, not a memory, rather than HER flesh and blood ie relation, in the first post, wasn't very clear)

I think you should read post #42 which gives more detail.
You'll find that a lot of my conjecture is actually accurate.
These sons are not related to the widow and are not in need of the money.
They just want it. Greedy! Greedy! Greedy!

Given their greed, I don't think she should help them at all.
They don't need help and most certainly don't deserve help

They are not her 'flesh and blood'.

joehoover

Absolutely not. Especially after seeing the OP's expanded dilemma. To think they want the terms of a will and the wishes of their father ignored to suit themselves...


If he thought they would need the money I am sure he would have adapted the will, but it appears he knew his children were comfortable and was ensuring his wife would have no worries after having her partner pass away which is devastating enough.



She is going to feel a massive loss, if she decides to downsize this will come to her naturally as part of her grieving process or much later. It may well be when she is ready she may want a change of scenery for a new chapter in her life, but for now she has her home full of memories and dealing with her loss and these kids are trying to take that away from her. How are they not understanding this, are they not grieving themselves, seems not if the thought of a cash injection is causing them to harass her.