How to help my niece

Mrs_pbradley936

Hello,

My niece has been in touch (she is 28 and newly married) saying that she is over her head in debt. She has a good job but obviously spends too much.

I have enough to help her BUT I could not do it without my husband knowing and he would ask why her parents are not helping. My niece does not want my sister to know (I think because she has been in this situation before and her parents have sorted her out but warned her against doing it again).

I have given her £1200 (which I don't want back). Am I allowed to pay so much per month of her credit cards? I do know that I can't pay cash into her account - I have to pay it into mine and then transfer it so that there is a record.

They want to start a family but she wants to be debt free first. I don't know if her husband knows how much debt she is in.

I am not spoiling her, she just will not have as much when I die!

[purplesignup][/purplesignup]

[Deleted User]

You could set up a standing order to her accounts if that's what you want to do.

However, I would put an end date on it or a maximum amount you're prepared to give. As she has spending problems, the problem is unlikely to go away and your payments will just increase her available credit, which she may want to celebrate with a spending spree.

sourcrates

Hi,


Well you can do as you like, its a free country, however this seems to be a recurring theme with her, she really needs to sit down and sort out her finances, just throwing money at the problem can be the worst thing you could do.


She needs help with budgeting and balancing the books, i`m afraid more loans, or free cash, will not learn her anything.

Millerdog

I think you have helped her all you should moneywise. You are in danger of becoming an enabler. She wont' ever come to terms with living within her means if she can get someone else to bail her out. If you really want to help stop the cycle of overspending , sit down with her and set a budget for everyday spending and debt repayment.

jackieblack

sourcrates wrote: »

She needs help with budgeting and balancing the books, i`m afraid more loans, or free cash, will not learn her anything.

Or teach her anything (:o)

iammumtoone

I would advise against helping her (with money), thats why she got in this situation again and will do so next time if people keep bailing her out.


She needs to learn how to manage and get herself out of this situation, that is the only way she will not get back into debt again.


What you can do to help her, is help her to help herself. Sit down with her get her to do her SOA and go through it helping to spot areas where she can make savings. Teach her about snowballing and keeping to a budget etc.

PasturesNew

Offer to pay the final £1200 of the debt, not the first....

Jox

Maybe you could help her to do a SOA to see where her money is going, direct her to this forum and find ways to reduce her expenditure and pay more to her debts.

Willing2Learn

And another vote for an SOA, with your niece seeking support from these forums. She needs help and support with learning how to manage life without building debt or using spending as a coping strategy. She should come here with her new husband and together they can work their way through this problem.

It is a very generous offer you are making to your niece, but I am not sure it will teach the young lady any new budgeting life-skills.:)

kazwookie

I wouldn't pay anything to her.

I would, get her on this site, and help her sort out what she spends and when and help her budget / find better deals.

Bank rolling her will mean she will be back to ask again and it will snow ball out of control.

What does her husband say?

Mrs_pbradley936

Hello,

Thanks to everyone that has replied - I do know that she has to learn the hard way but it is hard to watch someone you love struggle.

The problem I think is that it is too easy to run up debts these days. They should decline your card if you have not requested a huge amount not let it run and so increase your debt.

I will try to steer her over to this site. Meanwhile my suggestion was that she try to restructure their mortgage. They have lived there for about 3 years and must have a fair bit of equity. Is that feasible?