Maintenance and contact issues

DrivingMissDaisy

Minky75 wrote: »

They are our children and my ex does have contact currently, I have just said that for now (for a range of reasons including the fact that my children are very anxious about their daddy/his departure) its not the right time to introduce someone who may be transient. I'm a bit saddened that many comments seem to suggest I'm unreasonable, oversensitive, etc. The children's safety and well being have been my primary concern throughout a very difficult time where they saw their living daddy become angry and aggressive and leave the family home all within a few days. My question is whether the courts would order 50/50 contact - I'm not looking for judgement about my decision to not allow my ex to have the children around a new GF currently.

People will give their views on what you post. If you only want people to agree with you then rewrite the post making him to be the bad guy and you being a supermom and then people will agree with you.

When you say you pay for children clothing, gifts, etc. is that really true ? Or do you get child benefit ?

Minky75

I haven't asked to be judged 'supermom' I have asked to for people to answer my queries ratan than speculate and make judgements about things they DON'T know everything about.
I do not receive benefits and work 60 hours per week to provide for my children.

Minky75

I haven't asked to be judged 'supermom' I have asked to for people to answer my queries rather than than speculate and make judgements about things they DON'T know everything about.
I do not receive benefits and work 60 hours per week to provide for my children.

Comms69

Minky75 wrote: »

They are our children and my ex does have contact currently, I have just said that for now (for a range of reasons including the fact that my children are very anxious about their daddy/his departure) its not the right time to introduce someone who may be transient. - In your opinion. But what he does when the children are with him is his choice, only his opinion matters. You wouldn't want him dictating to you would you. I'm a bit saddened that many comments seem to suggest I'm unreasonable, oversensitive, etc. The children's safety and well being have been my primary concern throughout a very difficult time where they saw their living daddy become angry and aggressive and leave the family home all within a few days. - sure, ofcourse. But you said he's a good father. My question is whether the courts would order 50/50 contact - I'm not looking for judgement about my decision to not allow my ex to have the children around a new GF currently.

It's not your decision, and like I said the courts may or may not decide 50/50 is best, but he will have SOME level of contact and that will be at his new home. So it's unavoidable.


If you choose to delay it by refusing contact until a court order, then you would be acting very selfishly.


This is a public forum, so whether you're looking for opinions or not, you're going to get them. Some might agree with you, some might disagree. The thing is these are outside opinions, we don't know you or your husband, so we cant 'pick sides'

Rubik

My comments in blue. I feel that some of the comments already given have been rather harsh - an ounce of compassion goes a long way.

Minky75 wrote: »

Hi, any advice would be gratefully received...
My husband walked out a week before Xmas. He went through a period of mental illness and, under GP care, recovered. He told the kids and I it was definitely all finished/he would not return home at the end of Feb and then at the end of June told me he was moving in with a new partner and her multiple children. He refuses to tell me anything about this situation (I have asked a few questions as he was insisting he wanted to take my children into his 'new family's' home) and he has refused, stating that my own children (5 and 8) will pass on that info when they meet her. It is not reasonable to use children as messengers between their parents. While he doesn't have to give you any information about his living arrangements, and that is something you may need to accept; it is unfair on such young children for him to expect them to act as a go-between between him and you. He needs to start acting like a grown-up. Perhaps you could suggest that if he doesn't wish to speak directly to you, he could email or you could use a shared notebook to exchange messages about the children - don't rise or respond to anything that isn't related to the children. I have huge reservations about this and have told him that, while they may feel a 4 month relationship has been tested enough to move in together, I would want to see a more established relationship before allowing contact with her/her kids.I can fully understand why you have reservations about this. While it's true that he can does what he thinks is best while the children are in his care, including introducing them to his new "friend", children do need to be allowed time to grieve for the loss of the life they once knew, and for the loss of their parents' relationship.They have had an immense amount of disruption and upheaval in their lives already, this introduction will just place more stress on them. Dad needs to be spending time with them, reassuring them that they are his number 1 priority and that he loves them more than anyone else. He's then taken solicitor advice and has stated that he will go for 50/50 custody despite the fact that our kids are settled in the family home and we live very close to the school etc. My first question is can this happen and would the courts intervene despite there being no parenting issues?If an application is made, then yes, the Family Court will consider the application. The court is primarily concerned with what is in the best interests of the children - and will make any decisions accordingly.
Secondly, we have agreed to a payout from the family home. I'm the major wage earner and he has never paid the mortgage etc but I've been advised that he would still be entitled to half the equity as we are jointly named on the mortgage/deeds. We have come to an agreement that he will take a smaller lump sum and reduce his maintenance payments. My only concern is how do I make sure I don't lose out? What if he gets a massive pay rise in 2 years? Would I need to stick to the amount we agreed even with inflation and changes in circumstances etc? Apart from this payment he doesn't buy the kids anything so I'm responsible for all clothes, food, bills etc. You need proper legal advice on this Thanks for reading.

peachyprice

Minky75 wrote: »

My question is whether the courts would order 50/50 contact - I'm not looking for judgement about my decision to not allow my ex to have the children around a new GF currently.

By the time this got to court your ex would have been with his new partner a lot longer than the current 4 months.

You not wanting them to spend time with his new partner would not be considered grounds for courts to refuse 50/50 contact if there were no risk to the children.