Maintenance and contact issues

Minky75

Hi, any advice would be gratefully received...
My husband walked out a week before Xmas. He went through a period of mental illness and, under GP care, recovered. He told the kids and I it was definitely all finished/he would not return home at the end of Feb and then at the end of June told me he was moving in with a new partner and her multiple children. He refuses to tell me anything about this situation (I have asked a few questions as he was insisting he wanted to take my children into his 'new family's' home) and he has refused, stating that my own children (5 and 8) will pass on that info when they meet her. I have huge reservations about this and have told him that, while they may feel a 4 month relationship has been tested enough to move in together, I would want to see a more established relationship before allowing contact with her/her kids. He's then taken solicitor advice and has stated that he will go for 50/50 custody despite the fact that our kids are settled in the family home and we live very close to the school etc. My first question is can this happen and would the courts intervene despite there being no parenting issues?
Secondly, we have agreed to a payout from the family home. I'm the major wage earner and he has never paid the mortgage etc but I've been advised that he would still be entitled to half the equity as we are jointly named on the mortgage/deeds. We have come to an agreement that he will take a smaller lump sum and reduce his maintenance payments. My only concern is how do I make sure I don't lose out? What if he gets a massive pay rise in 2 years? Would I need to stick to the amount we agreed even with inflation and changes in circumstances etc? Apart from this payment he doesn't buy the kids anything so I'm responsible for all clothes, food, bills etc. Thanks for reading.

Marvel1

The house sale and child maintenance are two separate issues, treat them as separate not what has been suggested.

Comms69

Minky75 wrote: »

Hi, any advice would be gratefully received...
My husband walked out a week before Xmas. He went through a period of mental illness and, under GP care, recovered. He told the kids and I it was definitely all finished/he would not return home at the end of Feb and then at the end of June told me he was moving in with a new partner and her multiple children. He refuses to tell me anything about this situation (I have asked a few questions as he was insisting he wanted to take my children into his 'new family's' home) and he has refused, stating that my own children (5 and 8) will pass on that info when they meet her. I have huge reservations about this and have told him that, while they may feel a 4 month relationship has been tested enough to move in together, I would want to see a more established relationship before allowing contact with her/her kids. He's then taken solicitor advice and has stated that he will go for 50/50 custody despite the fact that our kids are settled in the family home and we live very close to the school etc. My first question is can this happen and would the courts intervene despite there being no parenting issues?
Secondly, we have agreed to a payout from the family home. I'm the major wage earner and he has never paid the mortgage etc but I've been advised that he would still be entitled to half the equity as we are jointly named on the mortgage/deeds. We have come to an agreement that he will take a smaller lump sum and reduce his maintenance payments. My only concern is how do I make sure I don't lose out? What if he gets a massive pay rise in 2 years? Would I need to stick to the amount we agreed even with inflation and changes in circumstances etc? Apart from this payment he doesn't buy the kids anything so I'm responsible for all clothes, food, bills etc. Thanks for reading.

It’s complicated, but I think you need to step away from ‘my’ children, and move towards ‘our’ children.

The reality is that the courts will almost certainly grant a decent level of contact. ( even criminals have contact so...), whether it’s 50/50 I don’t know.

As far as maintenance goes. Surely whatever the difference between half and the pay out is the amount you’re crediting him. If he gets a pay rise that credit will be used more quickly?

Red-Squirrel_2

You really need a solicitor.

Gavin83

I'm a little confused by the wording of your post. Are they his kids or not? I'm assuming they are but as you keep referring to them as 'my' kids I thought I'd just clarify the situation.

neneromanova

How long had you been Married for? The equity would be a starting point of 50/50. I would definately recommend that you get yourself a solicitor!

DrivingMissDaisy

OP - are they someone else's kids but the OP's partner thinks they are "their" kids and the OP trying to get maintenance for them ?

Ms_Chocaholic

If you have no concerns regarding the care afforded to the children by their father then the children should have contact with their father and their father can do what he wants with the children during his contact time, as you can when you have the children in your care.

tacpot12

I have huge reservations about this and have told him that, while they may feel a 4 month relationship has been tested enough to move in together, I would want to see a more established relationship before allowing contact with her/her kids.

I think you are being oversensitive and unreasonable about allowing your children to meet your husband's "friend". It is upto your husband as to how he introduces his friend and how he describes his relationship to this person. Your children will make of it what they will; you are not accountable for how they feel towards this person.

He's then taken solicitor advice and has stated that he will go for 50/50 custody despite the fact that our kids are settled in the family home and we live very close to the school etc. My first question is can this happen and would the courts intervene despite there being no parenting issues?

The courts will only intervene if the parents cannot agree on where the children should live. Your best option is to keep things amicable between you and your husband, try to find workable compromises that you are happy with, and try not to overreact (see above) because this will just lead to your husband thinking that the courts are the only way to reach a reasonable solution.

Comms69

tacpot12 wrote: »

I think you are being oversensitive and unreasonable about allowing your children to meet your husband's "friend". It is upto your husband as to how he introduces his friend and how he describes his relationship to this person. Your children will make of it what they will; you are not accountable for how they feel towards this person.



The courts will only intervene if the parents cannot agree on where the children should live. Your best option is to keep things amicable between you and your husband, try to find workable compromises that you are happy with, and try not to overreact (see above) because this will just lead to your husband thinking that the courts are the only way to reach a reasonable solution.

And if you’re being unreasonable prior to court they tend to take a dim view.

Minky75

They are our children and my ex does have contact currently, I have just said that for now (for a range of reasons including the fact that my children are very anxious about their daddy/his departure) its not the right time to introduce someone who may be transient. I'm a bit saddened that many comments seem to suggest I'm unreasonable, oversensitive, etc. The children's safety and well being have been my primary concern throughout a very difficult time where they saw their living daddy become angry and aggressive and leave the family home all within a few days. My question is whether the courts would order 50/50 contact - I'm not looking for judgement about my decision to not allow my ex to have the children around a new GF currently.