Should I increase working hours?

Bellisima

My mum worked a lot when we were small (many moons ago). We were left home alone as toddlers, unbelievable I know, but this was in the 60’s. No excuse though. Work always came first for my parents, and I feel I suffered for it. I wanted mum at home and I envied my friends who had stop at home mums. I know your situation is different, but as the old saying goes “Nobody on their death bed ever wished they had spent more time at work”. Enjoy your children.

ska_lover

Bellisima wrote: »

My mum worked a lot when we were small (many moons ago). We were left home alone as toddlers, unbelievable I know, but this was in the 60’s. No excuse though. Work always came first for my parents, and I feel I suffered for it. I wanted mum at home and I envied my friends who had stop at home mums. I know your situation is different, but as the old saying goes “Nobody on their death bed ever wished they had spent more time at work”. Enjoy your children.

Not surprised you felt you suffered for it if you were left home alone as toddlers. That is child abuse. I am so sorry you suffered like that

However the OP isn't planning to do that..There is a massive difference between child abuse and using child care

OP I think you should do what is right for you and your family.

pinkshoes

Why did you have kids?

If you can afford to just work 3 days, then I'd carry on doing that until they are both at school. They are only little for such a short time.

I do 3 days a week but also have all school holidays. I get a career and heaps of time with the kids.

Don't underestimate how much support they need at school too, and afterschool clubs/activities etc...

I couldn't be a stay at home mum though, as they would drive me up the wall!

buildersdaughter

I think a huge factor is how much support you have from your partner / kids' father and how well it works with whoever does the childcare. Every family juggles this stuff and every solution is unique.
Are you able to do a 'trial' few months, or would that be too awkward?
Otherwise I would add that this time will be over quickly. If you decide to stay as you are, another opportunity will present itself, maybe at a better time. If you decide to take the extra work, and find it hard going, that too will pass.
As long as the kids are well looked after, and spend a decent amount of time with mum / dad / other family, the exact way you organise it isn't critical.

surveyqueenuk

Let's face it, as a mother, you'll be berated whatever choice you make. Take on more work? You'll get called for leaving your kids. SAH? Well, you're either sponging off the DWP or a man. You can't win so just do what makes you happy.

Kynthia

You want to do it. You'll still have lots of time for your children. So do it.

It's only a couple of extra mornings so you'll still be there to collect your older one from school and consider enrolling them in any after school activities. As a mum you'll feel guilty no matter what you do.

It will make school holidays more difficult if you're not term-time only, as you'll need to find childcare for five days each week instead of three. Plus you might now find your two non-working days more hectic with school drop off and mid-afternoon collection. So I'd personally give it until the new year to see how things change. However you have to make the best decision for you and your family and you know your circumstances best. It's no-one else's business.

millyzippycat

I think that happy and fulfilled people make better parents even if it means they spend less time with their children. It is the quality of the interaction rather than its quantity which really matters. Some people love to be homemakers and child carers and are happy at home. Some people love their job and come home happy as a result. Only you can decide if the finances work and if the child care provision works but if you can make both those things work and you enjoy your job you will probably be a more effective parent as a result plus your children may have higher ambitions and be more motivated to work towards a career if they see you enjoying yours no matter what it is.
I'm now in my late sixties. I grew up at a time when only a minority of women worked and there was a lot of pressure against women working. My mother played the housewife and at home mother role for many years but I'm afraid I didn't enjoy those years. I loved it when she finally did go out to work! I'm not suggesting you are a depressed stay at home mother like mine was, just putting the point of view that it is so often assumed children are better off with a full time mother (or indeed father) at home but an energised mother/father coming home from work they enjoy may actually be a good experience for a child.

Pepperoni

Thanks everyone for your replies.


I think deep down I know I want to increase but I'm super nervous I'll regret it! I'm trying to work out why I want to increase; fulfilment? more money? Think it's a bit of both.

YORKSHIRELASS

Hi

I clung on to my management job as my children were growing up. In theory I worked 30 hours a week but in practice it could go up to 50 hours a week if we had a big deadline to meet. It was very hard and I couldnt have done it without the support of my husband who is self employed so could take time off at short notice.

Most days I was there to put the boys on the school bus on a morning and meet them at night. I was there for school plays and sports days and similar occasions. I often worked late at night and early mornings and the school holidays were particularly hard. My Mum was a huge help in the holidays but I was careful not to take advantage of her.

It's strange that even in the modern world people think women shouldn't be doing this. My sons are 17 and 19 now and are brilliant boys, they are proud of their Mum having a good job. They definitely haven't suffered and don't remember the time I took part in a conference call while they played on the beach or their Dad having to take them to a swimming gala at the last minute because I got held up at work. I remember these things but they don't, that's the important thing.

I think you know why you want to do it, for some women being a SAHM is right for them and that is absolutely fine. For me that wasn't enough and that is fine too.

If you are prepared to work very hard juggling it all, make sacrifices and be very organised and if you have some support then definitely do it.

DrivingMissDaisy

I say go for it, increase your working hours. Don't let the emotional guilt stop you. Kids will be fine and in couple of years when both are in school full time, you will have enough professional experience to go to the next step. All the best