Changing a child arrangement order for new job

Madhatter69

Hi

I have recently started new job which has completely different hours to my previous. My previous was flexible and pretty much chose what shifts I could work, where as my new job is fixed shifts weekdays.

The problem I have is in regards to my current child arrangement order.

The current order states I pick my child up from school on Thursday and drop him back off on a Monday alternate weekends. But my new job will not allow me to do this or to see my child on both the Thursday and Friday (late shift) so only have Saturday and Sunday to spend time. My current partner can pick him up, drop him off etc... but I won't see him at all on the school nights as I finish my shift late at night.

I have requested to my child's mother we drop the Thursdays and I have him for 3 extra week blocks during none term times? She has flatly refused this as she cites she will not get to see her child when he is out of school as I will have all the school holidays bar Easter, to which i have my contact weekend anyway (We also share the school summer holidays)

She says that she feels this will not benefit my child although I feel it will that he spends an extra day with her and her family on these Thursdays. She says that she has to find child care arrangements when he is in her care and suggest I do the same as I am his parent also. She states she plans her work on the time I have my child and she would either have to stop working Thursdays or have to find her own child care.

She has offered 2 one week blocks during term time instead but I would be in the same situation. She states that I should work around his school times just as she has to, which I can see her point but I cannot justify booking holidays in these term times to take and pick my child up. I would have limited time with him after school before he goes to bed.

Am I being unreasonable asking for this? I feel this may have to go to court to try and get the order amended but would a judge sympathise with my situation?

Thanks for reading

DUTR

Without a job it may be more difficult to offer financial support, was the contact agreement just via cafcass or the courts?

Madhatter69

Contact was by the courts

smartpicture

To be honest I do think you are being unreasonable. This should have been sorted out before you considered the new job. How would you feel if she said, I've taken a new job so I can't look after him on Wednesdays now, so it's up to you to have him and sort out / pay for any childcare needs on those days, and by the way, I'm going to have extra fun holiday time with him as well while you get the chores of mid-week schooldays, have fun!

BrassicWoman

I m not sure why your choice of changing jobs - apparently without discussing in advance with the mother - should inconvenience her.

I would look for childcare to cover your late shift. The time for compromise is before, not after, you have made changes in your life. You're now expecting her to revolve around you. Ain't gonna happen.

Red-Squirrel_2

I think she sounds totally reasonable to be honest.

Single parents have to find work that fits around their children, you seem to have got a new job and are now expecting the child and his mum to fit around that!

Madhatter69

We and both our partner all have jobs so there is no problem with any financial support. I was already in a job when I moved and although the hours where not ideal the money was better and feel it could give us a better quality of life.

BrassicWoman

Madhatter69 wrote: »

We and both our partner all have jobs so there is no problem with any financial support. I was already in a job when I moved and although the hours where not ideal the money was better and feel it could give us a better quality of life.

So you now have additional funds to pay for after school club, or a child minder, until you or your partner get home.

clearingout

So your ex should just suck up the change to an established routine because you say so?

Your ex is not the hired help. She too has a life to lead and financial responsibilities to manage. She also, not unreasonably, wants quality time with her child which it is your intention to reduce.

Have you considered a middle ground?

TBagpuss

You say you now have fixed shifts - would it be possible to come up with a different pattern of contact which would allow both you and his mum to spend time with him? For instance, sometimes a 3 or 4 weeks pattern can work instead of a 2 week one, so that (for example) in weeks where you are on earlies, it might be possible for you to have him for extra time as you will (presumably) be around after school, and similarly if you have days (other than weekends) when you don't work, you could ask about him being with you on those days.

However, you would have to take into account his mum's work pattern and the need for you both to have weekends and other quality time with him.

It is not unreasonable for her to expect you to make arrangements for alternative care for your days, and do bear in mind that nurseries / child minders may not be able to accommodate a more complicated pattern so if you did have a 3 or 4 week pattern where he was sometimes with you in the week and sometimes isn't, that if he is with a child minder or nursery in the other weeks, the fees may have to be paid even fo r the weeks he isn't there.


IF you can come up with a new patterns which fits around your new shifts and your ex's work, then it would not be unreasonable to ask the court to change the order, but if the only ways you can think of to change it will reduce the time he spends with h s mum and/or significantly increase the amount of paid for care needed then it will be harder to convince a court that it is in your son's best interests.

peachyprice

You're the one who has chosen to take a new job that changes when you will be available during your contact weekends, it's up to you to cover any childcare costs and make arrangements for your child when he is in your care.

You cannot expect your ex to change her working hours, incur extra childcare costs or lose out on school holiday times spent with her child because of something you have chosen to do.