Help with nightmarish upstairs neighbour.

jalderton

Hi all,

Hoping this is the right thread to post this in. I’ve been living in my current property for about a year or so and I’m really getting to the end of my tether with my upstairs neighbour. I’m a 25 year old single female living by herself and the man upstairs appears to be early 30s and I’m fairly sure he lives alone. I’m almost certain he has some level of autism so obviously I need this handled but delicately.

I’ve been living in what is basically silence for the past year because every time I make a noise he’s there, complaining. I had friends round during the day, we were sat laughing, chatting etc and he starts banging on the ceiling at 2 in the afternoon. I play music on a Bluetooth speaker, about mid level volume and he complains - again early afternoon. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve had to get rid of my dog because he complains about him so much. He’s managed to get his hands on my landlords number so he never ever confronts me about these things directly - I gave my phone number and email address to my neighbours when I first moved in in case there were any issues because my dog could get quite anxious, and still he goes behind my back instead of ever speaking to me face to face other than the couple of times he’s bumped into me on the street as he very rarely seems to leave his home. I’m very irritated about the fact he never bothers to speak to me, I try to make myself as approachable as possible.

Anyway. The issue I take with this is that I am most definitely not the noisiest person in his vicinity - the neighbours to the left of me (directly next door to him as they are both upstairs flats) have three dogs who bark and play constantly, yet when I’ve spoken to them I’ve found that absolutely nothing has ever been said to them. Similarly the downstairs neighbour next to me frequently has musical soundtracks on which I can hear from my home as they play it with the back door open, and they often have loud company around, but again nothing has ever been said to them. Both of them are happy to testify to this and to hearing no excessive noise from my home if I was to submit a harassment complaint.

I’m not the kind to deny if I’m in the wrong however I am genuinely not a loud neighbour. My dog would cry for about 5 minutes if I left the flat but he would quieten up pretty quick - I check this with neighbours who I see. Upstairs neighbour also has the cheek to hoover at 9 at night, and last night he was up walking around heavily in his flat until nearly midnight.

I’m just really reaching the end of my patience here, the feeling of constantly being monitored by him is driving me insane. I’m anxious all the time about making any noise, I don’t even dare to dry my hair for work in the mornings anymore. It’s almost like he’s entirely fixated on me and I’m the sole focus of his rage. If anyone can offer me any advice I would really appreciate it. I have no family in the area so I’m all alone in this situation.

mrginge

What does your LL say?
If the neighbour isn!!!8217;t speaking to you directly then why bother worrying about it?

elsien

You got rid of your dog because of unjustified complaints? Why???

I'd suggest stop pandering to him for starters if you really think he's being unrealistic in his expectations. Because every time he complains and you change something, it confirms to him that you're in the wrong.
Your LL really shouldn't be sending you messages every time he complains, that's the first thing I'd be addressing because it's really not helpful.
If he's not spoken to you directly, why have you not gone to talk to him instead?

need_an_answer

Has your LL contacted you about anything that the neighbour is relaying back?
If not then simply get on with your life.Have your friends over put your music on at a reasonable pitch and forget about the guy upstairs.

The chances are even if the guy is calling your LL then the fact that you are hearing no more about it possibly means that the LL is not interested enough to even have a conversation with you about it,whether that's because its not his business to tell you to turn your music down etc or hes just heard it all before from the guy upstairs who just makes it his business to interfere....make your own mind up.


But whatever,I'd just go about doing what you do!

Red-Squirrel_2

You got rid of your dog?

That's terrible, poor animal

Not going to offer any advice, you deserve to suffer for doing that frankly.

need_an_answer

If you were allowed pets in the property then why did you let your dog go?..its not easy getting pet consents in a rental moreso an apartment,so if your dog was permitted then there is no reason why it shouldn't be there.

Is there any way you could get it back?

You shouldn't let this guy dictate your life this much.

[Deleted User]

You have three choices, move, ignore or pander and worry.

My younger son is autistic and very sensitive to noise but I have to just find ways around it. Occasionally you can't.

I am sorry but if the dog noise was as you say, I don't really see why you removed him. I'd rather have moved.

need_an_answer

deannatrois wrote: »

You have three choices, move, ignore or pander and worry.

My younger son is autistic and very sensitive to noise but I have to just find ways around it. Occasionally you can't.

I am sorry but if the dog noise was as you say, I don't really see why you removed him. I'd rather have moved.

That's a really sensitive post thank you Deanna,all too often we probably forget that autism can be challenging and you've just put the reality of it back into the thread.

Lets hope the OP finds her solution to dealing with it.

PasturesNew

Noise travels differently - I can hear every word the woman 9 doors along says when she's on the phone in her house with the patio door open because she's got a loud voice; I can't hear a word next door say when they're just beside my open window in their garden ... nor can I hear anybody else from that direction.

I can't hear my neighbour's gardener with his heavy duty mower and strimmer, if I've my windows shut - but I can hear the car door closed of the woman in the house beyond that, even though it's not been slammed.

Sound travels through the air and through building materials - and it tends to travel in one direction more than others quite often.

With autism, sounds "physically hurt you" if they're in specific frequencies... so the same level of noise from different sources gives different results. It's not always just decibels, but noise pitch/frequency. High and low noises are worst for me.

I even phoned up the police one night because a man 400 yards away was thinking about breaking into a building site ... because I heard his footsteps change as he was walking along two roads away .... and I was right, he was trying to work out how to break in when they arrived.

Norman_Castle

As above, what he can hear from your flat may be much louder than from other flats. Is it an old conversion with a wooden floor? I'm on the top floor and can hear a surprising and annoying amount of noise from two flats below mine. I have little patience or tolerance for it due to years of genuinely noisy neighbours, your property and neighbour may be the same.

happyandcontented

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

You got rid of your dog?

That's terrible, poor animal

Not going to offer any advice, you deserve to suffer for doing that frankly.

You seem to have inferred she has dumped him.....for all you know the dog could have gone back to her parents or to a friend, where she still sees him. I don't think the OP deserved your last sentence at least until you know the full circumstances.