Step children

Becles

Just curious and websites I've found are complicated!

I'm marrying again next year, and my other half is keen to become a Dad to my two sons. They only see their real Dad for a couple of hours once a month (his wishes) and I have made all decisions for them by myself till now.

Just wondering does my ex have any responsibility over the children and a say in their future?

What sort of rights and responsibilities will my new partner get when he marries me?

Is it possible to change the childrens names so we all have the same surname?

Bossyboots

1. Were you married to their real Dad? A parent will always have responsibilities towards their children and if they have parental responsibility, a right to a say in their future. This does not give them the right to override decisions like schooling (although I have known it to happen) or have to be consulted before medical treatments but they cannot simply be cut out of a child's live, even if they are not playing much active part in it. The level of their commitment to a child would be taken into account if there was a major decision to be made (like you moving abroad).

2. Your partner acquires no rights in relation to the children. He takes on the responsibilities of any adult with the day to day care of children. He is considered a primary carer though which means that he should be able to take and collect the children from school and attend parents evenings.

3. If their natural father does not have parental responsibility and there is no residence order in place, you can change the children's names. If their father has parental responsibility you will need his permission to change their names. If there is a court order, technically you would need the permission of the court as well.

skylight

Your new husband could go to court to get Parental Responsibility. As you will be residing together and married, the courts will not stop this - regardless of what your ex may have to say about it! It will cost though - you cannot get Legal Aid for it. You could do it yourself through the courts - about £150 total and they are great in helping people representing themselves!

If your ex already has it (either you were married OR the courts gave it to him) then this will not ever change. Parental responsibility cannot be taken away from anyone once its given.

Your new husband currently cannot take your children to the hospital in an emergency or make any decisions with you as regards to schooling etc. He can once parental responsibility is given to him (I mean that a hospital will ALWAYS provide emergency care so he could take the children, but he would not be able to sign for the children for additional aftercare - but at that point, being Mum, you would have arrived long ago!)

Parental responsibility doesn't have any "real" meaning. The person with parental responsibility can help in decisions with changing schools, religion or medical treatment BUT would have to go to court to try to force any desicison if other persons with parental responsibilty don't agree. (and court normally always favours the person with residency anyway).

You could change the childrens names if the father does not have parental responsibility. If he does, you can change them by going to court to ask. Would you want to though? You cannot change the names on the birth certificate though without doing so by deed poll I believe?

IF your ex is paying maintenance, it does not give him the right to anything (regardless of what he says to you!!)

Best thing (I recon anyway!) is to just keep things the way they are and address any issues that may arise in the future! Getting married is enough to deal with in one go, and obviously your new man loves the kids to bits!

Best of luck and have a great tiem!

Bossyboots

The new partner can only acquire parental responsibility by applying to the court for a residence order in his favour. The ex-partner has the right to raise objections and if the court agrees these are reasonable, they can refuse to make the order. It all depends on individual circumstances and the level of involvement by the natural father with the children will be a factor. The courts are only too well aware of how natural fathers can be edged out by stepfathers with parental responsibility and will consider this issue amongst others.

swizzlebabe

as far as I know your new hubbie would have to adopt your children, inorder for them to take his surname. The childrens father would have to agree to this, he would then no longer have to pay maintenace.

A friend of this has just done this, her son has not seen his natural father since he was a baby,she remarried, her hubbie adopted her son, father no longer pays maintenance- which he rarley did anyway-result everyone happy- well at the moment. When he turns 18 and asks questions who knows?

Bossyboots

swizzlebabe wrote:

as far as I know your new hubbie would have to adopt your children, inorder for them to take his surname. The childrens father would have to agree to this, he would then no longer have to pay maintenace.

A friend of this has just done this, her son has not seen his natural father since he was a baby,she remarried, her hubbie adopted her son, father no longer pays maintenance- which he rarley did anyway-result everyone happy- well at the moment. When he turns 18 and asks questions who knows?

No, that's wrong. They can take his name as I have said either with the agreement of the natural father if he has parental responsibility or mum can do it if he does not. Even if the new hubby gets a residence order to get parental responsibility, that does not entitle them to change the children's name. The same rules will still apply.

System

My eldest kids took on my present husbands surname without the permission of my ex husband (their biological father). The difference was that my ex hadnt seen his kids for years let alone pay maintenance, so he would have been laughed at in court if he had stuck his nose in since my present husband cared for them, supported them and loved them as his own.

Midget_Karen

Would it be easier for him to take the name of the mother and the children? A bit more unconventional, but at least leaves the children with their original names and stops their friends asking too many questions etc.

At my school two sisters had the same mum but different fathers, and the eldest child used the surname of the younger child for simplicity (the elder childs dad had died before mum remarried, but they didn't want gossip). Then when we were 15 she suddenly turned up on the register with a different name as she'd decided she was old enough to use her real one!

Bossyboots

Judi wrote:

My eldest kids took on my present husbands surname without the permission of my ex husband (their biological father). The difference was that my ex hadnt seen his kids for years let alone pay maintenance, so he would have been laughed at in court if he had stuck his nose in since my present husband cared for them, supported them and loved them as his own.

Laughed at or not, absent or not, he still has rights. If he came back on the scene now, he would be entitled to see them and to insist that you change their name back. As far as the courts are concerned children have a right to see their natural parents and the fact that he has not been around for some time does not nullify that right. He might be castigated by the court and there would have to be a period of reintroduction but he will not automatically be forbidden from seeing them. Your children's change of name is not in fact legal and if anyone questions it you would come unstuck. There seems to be a creeping in of authorities checking that all persons with parental responsbility gave permission for the change if there is no sentence included in a statutory declaration to this effect.

Although the Children Act brought in some good procedures, your experience shows that not all the changes are for the good. Many years ago your ex would have been deemed to have given up all rights to his children but that is not the case now and there is the potential for absent parents of this sort to bowl up and disrupt long established families. Unfortunately I do not see that changing any time in the near future.

Becles

I was married to him when they were born, so he has parental responsibility?

I do want my ex still involed with them, but he just doesn't want to take them out or be involved. Sort of reverse situation to most in that the maintenance money arrives in my bank account every month without fail, but it's the contact that is lacking.

pavlovs_dog

whats your relationship with ex hubby like? have you askedhis thoughts on what you have suggested/do you know how he would react?