How to ask my lodger to leave

moneyistooshorttomention

pinkshoes wrote: »

"Dear <friend's name>
It has been lovely having you to stay whilst I was going through a period of grieving for both my sister and mother. After much thought, I have decided I need to move on with my life, and to do this I need my own space back.

I am therefore giving you 21 days notice from receipt of this letter to find alternative accommodation.

Thanks for your understanding during what has been a very difficult time for me.
RIANESS21"


21 days is sufficient. Perhaps she and her cats can move in with this boyfriend??? Perhaps have someone witness you handing her the letter so she can't claim she didn't know.


Be prepared on day 21 to change the locks!!!

That sounds a good way to put it - amended from "21 days" to "7 days".

You'll be lying through your teeth saying that it was lovely to have her there with you - but it might be as well to phrase it that way for the sake of no comeback from her.

hb2

OP, it certainly sounds as if you are being taken advantage of! As such, your lodger has no incentive to move on as I doubt that even the boyfriend would let her and the menagerie live rent-free.

I agree that calmly giving her a letter with your terms clearly stated is the best way to go. Don't let yourself be manipulated into changing your mind, no matter how many 'panic attacks', crying jags etc she has. This is your home and you have been more than generous.

As an aside, you are the only other person I have ever heard/seen who has misophonia. I really understand how the noisy eating makes you feel!

sevenhills

As a start, tell her you are thinking about moving house and get her to put her name on the councils housing list., or ask about the boyfriend.
You need a plan to get her thinking about leaving.

Smi1er

I think everything has been said already. I was going to say to give her 14 days notice but to be honest she doesn't deserve it.

She's taking advantage. 7 days notice and then change the locks.

TBagpuss

T be honest, as she is not paying rent or anything else, it sounds as though she is a guest, not a lodger.

As others have said, give her a deadline, in writing.

I 'd suggest that you write it down:

"Dear [Name],

as you know, when I agreed that you could come to stay this was on the understanding that it would be for a short visit, to give you time to find somewhere loner term.

It isn't working out, so I will need you to arrange to move out, no later than [date].

I'd appreciate it of you could arrange to reimburse me for the amounts I've spend on your cats' food, when you leave, too.

Can you ensure that you've packed up and taken all of your stuff by [date] and that you return my keys to me by 4 p.m. on that day.

It won't be possible for me to extend this time limit.

Sincerely,"

I would put in a date either 14 or 21 days from the date of the letter.

When you give her the letter, you can say something to her to let her know that you appreciated her company when you first lost your sister, but your understanding had been that either she was staying very temporary , or that she was going to be a lodger which would of course have included paying rent, her share of the bills etc, but that as things have turned out, she;'s stayed much monger than anticipated and you feel it is not really working, but wish her well for the future.

She will probably try to guilt you into letting her stay longer - remind yourself that you do not owe her anything, that you have already given her 7 months free accommodation and have also been subsidising her and her cats.

I would avoid getting drawn into discussions about why you want her to leave, as she may well try to use that a negotiation (e.g. if you raise the issues with the cars, she will promise to clean their trays more often / buy their food, and expect you to let her stay)

For that reason, I would stick to something clear and non-negotiable, such as "I don't feel it is working" or "I really want my own space back"
then if she trues to argue / negotiate you can respond with something like "It's not about you changing, it's just that I need my own space back"

If you want, offer her suggestions, but keep reminding yourself that finding her somewhere to go is not your responsibility. And so be prepared to change the locks if you have to.

making suggestions might be things *she* can do for herself, not anything you get involved in.

So for instance, if she starts to say "but where can I go" then you might answer by saying "well, you could speak to your boyfriend about staying with him for a while" or "I believe that there are adverts for house shares and rented property in the local paper" or "I don't know. You might need to find a B&B or other short term accommodation while you look for something more permanent"
But your response if she asks to stay longer with you should be clear and consistent - "That won't be possible, you will need to have moved out by [date] "

ACG

I thought I was pretty hard with people - 7 days!!! Your all bloody mean! :P
Unless she moves in with her partner, who may not even want her how is she supposed to find somewhere in a week?

I would personally give at least a fortnight and see if there is any movement, if there is you can always give a little extra time. But

ska_lover

I may be reading too much into this, but I think your guest may have something called panic disorder or general anxiety disorder, or similar. Panic attacks and unable to face problems, burying head in sand etc - all seem common traits of these conditions


If, after seven months, she hasn't made efforts to get her own place as in apply to the council etc, then she clearly isn't that motivated to face up to things


It is a hard one OP - I think you are going to have to be really tough for both your sakes. You do need her to go for your own sake, but you don't want to feel guilty for doing so either


I would give her a month and be firm. Then you can't walk away feeling like you have done less than maybe you should for a vulnerable person. if it is a week, it really is pushing her into a situation she may not want to be in, she might not want to live with her boyfriend therefore forcing her into an unhappy living situation and maybe homelessness again before much longer


I would talk face to face with her and tell her she has 30 days.....offer her advice such as:- where to go for help, how to apply to the council... as a person who is about to be made homeless, write her a letter to the council stating that she can no longer stay with you stating the end date. Put it all in writing and give her a copy at the end of the conversation


You can do this, and we can support you to do it, but you do have to be strong. Don't let her take advantage or manipulate you but do be aware that she does display signs of mental health issues and appears a vulnerable person

Paul_DNAP

Even as a non-rent paying lodger they will have some rights as an "excluded occupier" - and the basic rights are that you must give them reasonable notice that you wish them to leave, and you must take care of their belongings during the process.
If they refuse to leave after that reasonable notice then you don't have to take them to court to evict them, you can change the locks.
But, if they have paid any rent (or were due to pay any rent) then they are not excluded occupier, they are an occupier/tenant and they will need a court order to shift if they don't go at the end of the notice.


Oh, and your notice does not need to include all the emotional guff about reasons you don't get on and stuff, possibly do that face to face but not in the letter, keep that to just a basic simple factual statement that you as the home owner no longer wish her to be your lodger and if she has not made alternative arrangements by (date) then you will evict her by changing the locks.

rianess21

I have told her she has four weeks from today, 24th July, to move. I actually went to my sisters house today, and I realised I would need the spare room to store some her things. Things I can!!!8217;t bear to part with, like the piano my mum taught me to play on.
I feel horribly guilty, but I know it!!!8217;s the right thing to do. I!!!8217;ve been enabling her to stay in limbo and not be an adult, to not get the help she needs. So it!!!8217;s a pretty bad atmosphere right now, but it will get better.

sevenhills

rianess21 wrote: »

I have told her she has four weeks from today, 24th July, to move. I actually went to my sisters house today, and I realised I would need the spare room to store some her things. Things I can!!!8217;t bear to part with, like the piano my mum taught me to play on.
I feel horribly guilty, but I know it!!!8217;s the right thing to do. I!!!8217;ve been enabling her to stay in limbo and not be an adult, to not get the help she needs. So it!!!8217;s a pretty bad atmosphere right now, but it will get better.

It is good that you have plucked up the courage to give her notice, well done. Not sure if keeping the piano is a good idea though