Multigenerational Households: Living and Future Proofing

[Deleted User]

I do think it is good for anyone to be able to provide accomodation on a temporary basis for grown up children and for grandchildren, to give parents respite from small ones, or to allow children to save for a deposit or to help them through a rough patch. Temporary yes for me but permanent no. Permanent reminds me of the older spinster generation, when a girl child, a spinster, was expected to stay at home to look after aging parents


Better rental conditions, like in eg Holland is the way to go, when people have secure tenure and take pride in their homes

frosty

We have lived with my parents at various times while waiting to move into a new home,we had two children.We shared the kitchen,bathroom.Luckily we had our own lounge which meant we could have our own space and my parents had peace.I think it would of been very difficult if we had to spend every minute together.

Floss

My post isn't so much intergenerational as future proofing... DH doesn't have children and my DSs both live in their own bought homes well away from us.

DH and I had an opportunity 5 years ago to buy the house next door to ours, another 3 bed 1930s terrace with converted attic. The "new" house has open living space & a bigger kitchen extension whereas the "old" house is still the original separate lounge, dining room & small kitchen. There is a locking door to connect them at the bottom of the staircases. Currently DH works from home in one room, his guitars & music are in another, one attic is storage & we get a lot of overnight visits from family & friends

Our plan for old age is to move our bed into the back dining room, convert the small kitchen to a wet room and have ground floor living with wheelchair access & space if required.

Yes it is a luxury buy that we sacrifice regular holidays for, but bungalows are as rare as hens teeth round here with price tags to match, the house across the road has been on the market for over 2 years & not a sniff of a sale so we probably couldn't sell 2 houses to fund a move, and we will still have space upstairs for visitors or co-habitees if needed.

VfM4meplse

If you'd asked me as a child / teenager what I thought of inter-generational living, I'd have given it a firm thumbs down. My grandmother lived with us, and it could have been a very happy environment but for the fact that it caused a great deal of tension between my mum (her daughter) and her. My mum was as stressed as hell for other reasons, and always finding fault with my gran. You never knew when it would flare up - my conservative estimate puts it at 7 times out of 10. That really had a detrimental impact on us all.

Now I've moved back to my home town, into a spacious home which is admittedly far too large for me - and there is plenty of scope for extension / conversion. It is implicit that my parents can stay whenever they like, or on a permanent basis when they are ready. It helps that I have a very different relationship with them. The same goes for my siblings, if they ever want to come back. All I ask is that they keep the peace, or "don't make any unnecessary noise", as I like to put it. Are they interested at this moment in time? No.

Not because I am unbearable, it's because they all value their independence (and in the case of my siblings, their peace and quiet) too. Inter-generational living was not for them either!

maman

I respect your reasons for doing this OP but it wouldn't be for me.


My attitude to parenting is very different. We've brought our girls up to be independent and make their own way in the world so it would take something fairly catastrophic for them to return home.


I can see having some space for a temporary arrangement would be useful. Our girls lived with us for a short time as adults with their partners during house sales. I can see that current and future generations might want to stay at home to help them save deposits.


You say that there's no way you could accommodate your MIL in this extended family home. Your DDs are little now but what if they wanted to move in with some obnoxious partner in the future?


Whatever happens, I think it's a good idea to convert your loft so the girls can have a bedroom each.

humptydumptybits

When my eldest two were young my mother lived with me and then my sister moved in. I suppose it lasted about 10 years and my son would tell people he had 3 moms. He saw it as a very positive thing.


My only issue was my mum would gang up with my husband if we fell out about something, she always took his side which was really annoying.

maman

fuddle wrote: »

I think I come at it from a slightly different angle from many of you. I have this house because of my inheritance. I should never be a home owner, it wasn't in my destiny because of the past and the lifestyle I have chosen for myself (housewife, 1 salary family) It's a sanctuary, symbol of family and security. Having moved the girls 6times in 8years through private renting I guess I value 'home'. I do understand what you're all saying but it's just we would like to be a lifeline to the girls if ever they needed a roof... and until then peace can be found as they 're teenagers together

Obviously I don't know your back story and, at the moment, your girls are fairly young so I can see that being a SAHM could be the best option financially.


Of course I'd never see my children without a roof over their heads but unless something really catastrophic happened that won't be the case.


When they were growing up I wanted them to realise that you have to work to achieve the lifestyle we enjoyed. That meant me and my DH. I really wouldn't want children growing up with the idea that it's OK for mum (or dad) to stay at home indefinitely keeping house.

Floss

Fuddle can you stand up in your attic? And have any of the neighbours done a conversion? If so there should be precedent for planning, and you may be able to pinch a few ideas

wondercollie

We've tried it out and it was a nightmare.

Oldest son and his fianc!e stayed with us for a year. It started off well but went down hill rapidly. It felt like I had gained another child, not an independent young woman. All came to an ugly head when my youngest son told her to get a life and a home as he was tired sharing his!

I'd basically told my sons that they were welcome to stay until 25 and then I expected them out.

Number one moved into a flat with his lady. They grew up quickly and have had us over for meals. They have bought a house and take possession next month.

Number two bought his house last autumn. He's happy, broke but happy.

The laugh is they have bought within three streets of our home. Each have said they'd love to own our house one day but are rapidly realizing that the upkeep might be too much. Oldest was actually heard to tell his lady that "we don't have a nurse's paycheque coming in on top of my wage to be able to run that house". It seems to have been an eyeopener for her and she's going to college part time in January to get her teacher's assistant certification.

We were fortunate and careful with money so we were able to give each son roughly 20K sterling to use as their deposit.

They have both said they will always have room for us as we age.

The logic behind their choice of location was that they want their children to know their grandparents!