what is a reasonable monthly spend on food and kids?

MovingForwards

Had another thought!

Both you and the Mrs know there is savings in the background which can be filtered back into your accounts. As you are clearly concerned about running out of savings take a portion and lock it away for 5 years, take another portion and lock it away for 2 years, take a third portion and lock it away for a year. You cannot access it until you reach the maturity date (1, 2 and 5 years), you both then have to learn to survive on what you bring in a month.

From your monthly money put aside a set amount to pay for gifts etc and hopefully watch it build up.

Flobberchops

As another posted mentioned, this is a relationship problem rather than a financial one. We could write up the best budget and financial plan in the world for you, but if your wife doesn't listen to reason (and has access to the money) then it's a futile exercise. The evasive/defensive behaviour is very reminiscent of a couple of my family members (not regarding money though) so I understand how frustrating it is.


You could of course start dividing your income between the shared account and another one that you control solely, but I can only imagine the arguments that would produce.