Tidying up the mess

BabyStepper

enthusaisatic saver you would not believe the amount of family, friends and even work colleagues who seem to think it is ok to taunt us. 'So you're catching the bus are you? *smirk* Or 'You still don't have a car?' *Feigned shock and concern as though my life is about to collapse.* Or the more genuine 'why don't you get a car loan, everyone has one, it's just what you do'. As though I'm an alien of some sort.

Actually I'm sick of it. I consider myself a fairly polite person but I can be pretty direct when I want to be and enough is enough. I have tested the water with telling peple how we are living in order to create financial security and this has been the result. No wonder I'm fed up, and it's not because of lack of money, it;s because of lack of support in real life and being continually undermined.

Me and OH had a good chat yesterday and have come up with a plan for a short break this summer. We are going to stop contributing to the house maintenance fund and the present fund, and stop trying to build up the current account and my business account. There are no birthdays or big business expenses or anything coming up in the next 2 months so we are going to try and scrape together £1000 for a 5 day break. This way we can keep the debt repayments going and the plan on track. If we don't make our target, we just take a shorter break, no problem. Every day we stay on plan is one day closer to getting this sorted out.

And the car can wait. And that's that.

Thank you for you invaluable support everyone, it means a lot. :A:A:A

warby68

Sorry you have such a judgmental and opinionated circle - perhaps time to prune a few from it. I guess they make you feel poor or inferior and question your decisions. Really try not to let them - it is a no brainer that a life with less debt and more choice about what you spend money on is more relaxing and secure. I would also imagine a lot of the comments come from jealously and discomfort with their own positions.

What I was going to suggest when ES beat me to it in a similar way, was to redirect some of your debt repayment to an 'undecided' pot short term. Something like this - £400pm for 3m. Then at the 3m point you review what you want most from this pot, a holiday or a cheap runaround OR more debt reduction. Then you start again. It keeps your options open for if the debt reducing is too extreme and also to carry on with it if you decide in 3m time that you can actually wait another 3m for the other things.

You're building in a treat but, if I'm honest, I'm not sure that scraping from those particular budgets won't be a bit tight and induce a bit of the stress you had a few months ago from not having comfortable cover for things.

You know what motivates you most of course so entirely up to you just more food for thought and, importantly, not advice I would give to someone who wasn't throwing £1400 a month at debts and repaying them very quickly in truly admirable fashion

DrSpendLittle

Sorry to hear that people are being judgemental and opinionated Its such a shame that finances and money have this effect. I guess its what Dave Ramsey means when he talks about 'being weird' and 'living like no one else'. Its why these diaries and forums are so good - we can have open and honest conversations with like minded people without (in most cases!!) being accused of being weird or being judged unfairly.

I think warby68 is right - the way people react to certain circumstances says so much about their insecurities. I think the very idea of being debt free and financially secure is completely alien to most of the population and quite threatening (depending on their self esteem). However, keep your resolve, conviction and courage - you're making decisions today that your future self will thank you so much for. Ignore what anyone else says. You have your goals and if you want to, use them to explain (I don't think should even have to explain ourselves in these situations but sometimes its helpful to clarify the issue and come away feeling positive) why you're taking this financial path. I mean, who wouldn't want financial security or no debt or to retire early!

Good idea on the holiday - I had a few (:o) when I was paying off debt and they were really useful, not just as a treat, but also because I cashflowed them and didnt use the CC to pay for them. That in itself was as rewarding as the holiday! I enjoyed it even more because it was all paid for in cash.

Chin up and keep on keeping on! :T:T

BabyStepper

DrSpendLittle :A Your words have really cheered me up, thank you! My chin is up again and I've been thinking things through.

Things that sometimes make my mood low
1. being in debt
2. having to pay off debt
3. not having a car
4. not having a holiday to look forward to
5. having no support in real life

Things that improve my mood
1. seeing the debts go down
2. Living within my budget
3. having money to do nice things and enjoy the odd treat

However I look at it, the debt and everything related to that is what is effecting my mood. And the only way to change that is to get it paid down as fast as I can manage. I can always revise the plan as I go if it gets too much but for now I plan to forge ahead.

Feeling optimistic! :j:T

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with people who are rude and behave as though my goals are senseless? I could use some help here you clever people.

[Deleted User]

We share very similar lists Babystepper! I don't tend to share my debt/budgeting/money situation with anyone, but have some people in my life with very different spending profiles and attitudes to money. I'm a huge fan of the phrase "Good for her, not for me" - Amy Poehler wrote about it in her book 'Yes, Please'. She applied to women judging themselves against other women, but I think it applies more widely - I use it when friends are talking about a big purchase. That's great for them, but it's not for me. I might not say it in such a way to them (depends on the audience!), but it helps me remember that we're all on different tracks, and it's ok to be doing your thing.

That all sounds very hippy-ish, but I've found it pretty helpful.

findingthisdifficult

You're doing amazingly well BabyStepper, paying down the debt is a lonely journey when there's no support in real life. Mr FTD and I are the same, we get the green eyed monster over people we know having fancy holidays, one couple are currently on their 2nd cruise within the last 3 months!!
I keep telling him, we just need to keep going with this debt demolition, ultimately it opens up freedom for us in the long run, we won't have to stay in jobs we don't like and we could enjoy life again.

I think it's a great idea to take some money to put towards a short break, it will spur you on to keep going with the debt busting journey.

warby68

BabyStepper wrote: »

DrSpendLittle :A Your words have really cheered me up, thank you! My chin is up again and I've been thinking things through.

Things that sometimes make my mood low
1. being in debt
2. having to pay off debt
3. not having a car
4. not having a holiday to look forward to
5. having no support in real life

Things that improve my mood
1. seeing the debts go down
2. Living within my budget
3. having money to do nice things and enjoy the odd treat

However I look at it, the debt and everything related to that is what is effecting my mood. And the only way to change that is to get it paid down as fast as I can manage. I can always revise the plan as I go if it gets too much but for now I plan to forge ahead.

Feeling optimistic! :j:T

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with people who are rude and behave as though my goals are senseless? I could use some help here you clever people.

You don't need to deal with them as such, certainly nothing more than a shrug and 'each to their own'

Then smile inwardly to yourself that you know what you're doing, why you're doing it and what you will get from it

And finally have a little daydream about what your debtfree future, which isn't very far away, will look like, when you can actually choose how to spend over £1000 pm

PS seriously though, not sure how finances are such a topic for open discussion with so many in your circle. I've never really come across that. So perhaps just opting out of the discussions is a real option too.

PositiveBalance

BabyStepper wrote: »

enthusaisatic saver you would not believe the amount of family, friends and even work colleagues who seem to think it is ok to taunt us. 'So you're catching the bus are you? *smirk* Or 'You still don't have a car?' *Feigned shock and concern as though my life is about to collapse.* Or the more genuine 'why don't you get a car loan, everyone has one, it's just what you do'. As though I'm an alien of some sort.

Actually I'm sick of it. I consider myself a fairly polite person but I can be pretty direct when I want to be and enough is enough. I have tested the water with telling peple how we are living in order to create financial security and this has been the result. No wonder I'm fed up, and it's not because of lack of money, it;s because of lack of support in real life and being continually undermined.


[...]


And the car can wait. And that's that.

Thank you for you invaluable support everyone, it means a lot. :A:A:A

I'm sorry that you are coming up against such negativity to your sensible debt-reduction actions IRL, Babystepper. It sucks, but don't let that put you off as honestly, once you are debt free and driving your lovely car paid for in cash(no, not everybody has a car loan - that's someone convincing themselves that it's OK to get into debt cos everyone else is doing so), everyone who has previously pooh-poohed your money management techniques will be knocking on your door asking for advice as soon as some hiccup derails their financial situation.


Also, focus on your why. Why you are doing this? Dave's not wrong when he says if the 'why' is big enough you will move mountains to get rid of the debt. Your why is big enough for you to take some pretty hardcore action to get rid of a significant amount of debt as it leaves you in a place of financial insecurity. Mine is to make sure I have enough money put behind me that if the pooh ever hits the fan like it did to me approx. 5 years ago that my financial well-being will not be decimated again. And I care about that so much I don't give a fig about what anyone else thinks because I know that I am right and that this is a question of survival...and that the people I know who do not save up some money when they can will be the first people asking me for advice once something details their current plans (or lack thereof)!


Keep plodding. A small holiday is a good idea as it gives you something to aim for and a reward for all your hard work, but this time next year you will be able to reward yourself with a BIG holiday and a very nice car!

enthusiasticsaver

BabyStepper wrote: »

DrSpendLittle :A Your words have really cheered me up, thank you! My chin is up again and I've been thinking things through.

Things that sometimes make my mood low
1. being in debt
2. having to pay off debt
3. not having a car
4. not having a holiday to look forward to
5. having no support in real life

Things that improve my mood
1. seeing the debts go down
2. Living within my budget
3. having money to do nice things and enjoy the odd treat

However I look at it, the debt and everything related to that is what is effecting my mood. And the only way to change that is to get it paid down as fast as I can manage. I can always revise the plan as I go if it gets too much but for now I plan to forge ahead.

Feeling optimistic! :j:T

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with people who are rude and behave as though my goals are senseless? I could use some help here you clever people.

Sometimes you have to accept you cannot change other peoples entrenched opinions. Over the years I kept quiet about our financial arrangements, saving for things rather than borrowing as somehow it has become the accepted way to borrow 10s of thousands for a car or sticking home improvements or holidays on credit and we were perceived as weird or old fashioned in wanting to save for things rather than borrow. Funnily enough those people are still working now whereas we are retired. In the end financial stability will give you choices. Think of it as one year while you are getting rid of the debt as putting your dreams on hold for a car. You do not have to justify yourself to anyone let alone opinionated judgemental people.

GlendaSugarbean

Not only are you smashing your debts, you're also setting up helpful strategies for the future:

- Having an EF for those inevitable emergencies
- Having a buffer in case of income variations
- Keeping your monthly expenses to the basics, so if your circumstances change you know the minimum you need to pay the bills (and this doesn't include an inflated car loan)

You are making good decisions now, and you are making good decisions for your future.