my grandson is being bullied

bunty109

conradmum wrote: »

Every school has to have a policy on bullying. Ask to see a copy of it and when you've read it through, ask how it's been implemented in your grandson's case.

This is what I was going to suggest. The governing body will have ratified this and it should be available for you to see. I'd certianly request a copy, read it though and then go back to the head and ask her to explain it with regards to the concerns you have about your grandson.

Best of luck xx

notsoskintnow

hi i have a simular situation with my daughter and the school.my daughter is no angel and to a point stand up for her self.but she is the one who always gets the blame ,last week a boy pushed her over so the whole class was laughing at her so she retaliated and once again she was the only one to get into trouble ,shools say they have a bully policy but its ok for a child to bully a child but if the child retaliates they are in trouble other person gets off scott free one sided rule i think,but i feel the same not sure what to do any more !

bonnie_2

This is why i deregistered my dd from school and have been home educating her since april. The school made me out to be a liar and it was oh it couldn't possibly be happening in my school.#They also thought she was best of at school even though she could barely read or add 2 and 2 together. I am amazed at how she has come on in confidence and her education since i removed her.

isthatreduced

You should put all you concerns in writting to the headteacher as a matter of record ,keeping a copy for your records in case you have to take it further.

Tell the school you have a zero tolerance of violence and quote from the schools own anti-bulling policy(after recieving a copy)they might even have it on the schools website or your local authoritys website.

Look on the web for definitions of bullying from anti-bulling websites and quote it in the letter.

Tell the school you are not happy with how they have dealt with it up till now and that you do not accept their opinion that it is a clash of personalities.
Explain you want the matter swiftly resolved or you will take it further.

If the headteacher does not resolve it to your satisfaction progress it to the education authority.

And remember teacher are not always right,sometimes they don't know how to deal with things properly and that is their failing not yours or your Grandsons.

caris

Hi

Thank you everyone for your replies.

Yesterday my hubby went in to see the head, after I had explained to him what had happened.

The head told him that the boy in question has behavoural problems and if he finds that he is cannot control his emotions he hits out. This was the first time that this has ever been mentioned, so naturally my hubby was not impressed, and told the head that if the behaviour of this child continues he will take the matter further, and he did not see why our grandson should be punished for retaliating. If they know the other boy has "problems" he should be made to face up to the concequences of his actions instead of being protected, and if the school cannot control this boy he should be removed altogether and placed where someone more suited can help him.

She still insists that our grandson is not being bullied. We do not agree.

Thank you all again
caris

Jo_R_2

Hi caris

That goes a way to explain why the head doesn't see it as bullying. It's in danger of becoming a semantic argument - ie what bullying is and isn't and it seems to have changed in this sense in the staff's eyes because the boy in question has behavioural problems. You can see where they're coming from, but the fact is that it is unacceptable for anyone to be the subject of this behaviour - just because this boy has difficulties it doesn't mean it's okay for others to be hit because he can't help it. Certainly I work with adults with learning disability, and some of whom also have emotional and behavioural problems, and there is no way that that behaviour would be tolerated. It would be managed, but it is no way acceptable for others to bear the brunt of this.

Take the word bullying out of the equation and explain what's been happening to yr grandson. Does that sound like a healthy environment for him to be in? I know it's hard to remain calm but keeping a cool, level head when talking to the head will help get yr point across. It might be wise to schedule another meeting, to explain once more and outline what you intend to do; or draft a letter saying the same. Let us know what happens.

Carmina_Piranha_3

there's a boy like that at our primary, the year below my boy. i sound horrible but i really hope this kid goes to a different high school to mine.

in one way it's a bit of a relief that the bully is a kid who hits out at everyone, rather than a specific hate campaign against my child - but my boy does not deserve to be punched and kicked just because one child at school has problems. i know a bit about special needs and am tolerant but i will not have him attacking my child.

if the head wants to look at things from the view of the child who hits it really is kinder for him to be taught not to hit. i bet he doesn't have any friends and spends all the playtimes alone. i know they are only 8 but he won't suddenly decide to stop attacking people when he gets to prison age, a bit more guidance now might change his life for the better. is he statemented? i would suggest to the head that this boy would benefit from being closely looked after at playtimes - not just to stop him from hurting your boy but for his own benefit too - when they are little it's more acceptable for an adult to join in games and engineer friendships, teach him how to play properly etc. but it would be more awkward when they're older probably, like being taken to the park by your mum :rolleyes:

sorry if this sounds like i am on the side of the bully schools can be frustrating, confusing places and i was always surprised at how nobody with special needs is helped at playtime, unless they have mobility needs.

from your son's point of view this is still bullying, no matter what problems the other boy has. he deserves to be able to play, learn etc. without being verbally or physically attacked by this boy. if they were adults he'd be able to get the police involved, and as children he ought to be able to expect adults to get involved.

extra supervision in the playground will benefit everyone.

madfrenchgirl

Hi Caris

I am sorry to hear about your grandson getting bullied. It is an awful situation to be in from both sides. I got bullied for a period of 3 years at secondary school and it started when I was 12. When I told my own mother it was a case of "if it happens again, I want yout o tell me", to which she added "but I swear to God, if I ever find out you brought this on yourself or hiding something from me, I will be the one hitting you". After that, I never talked to her about the bullying again, since she had already established it was my fault (she was the kind of mother that would always tell everyone how she did not believe children cos they were not angels). I just spent 3 years worth of playground break hiding in the toilets and my only friend being sent to a different class/group did not help.
It is true there are always 2 sides to a story, but as for him being only 8 yo, I doubt he would be telling elaborate porky pies. And just because one kid has a "problem", it does not make it ok for him to start hitting everyone at random.

Why is it ok to be bullied at school while it is absolutely not tolerated in the adult world? Is being a kid makes you less entitled to feeling safe? Please note I did say "bullied" not just "hit and called names", because to be honest, the kids have to experience it to a certain degree to know that it is wrong.

Savvy_Sue

There was a bit on Woman's Hour this morning about school bullying - I didn't hear all of it, but there's bound to be links from their site to useful organisations, and what they had to say may be useful if you can Listen Again.