my grandson is being bullied

caris

Hi

Firstly appologies if this is long and confusing.

I have posted on here before so many will know that my hubby and I have residencey of our grandson who is now 8.

He has had problems with a certain boy in school on and off for a while now, and we have been into the school on several occassions about it, and the schools headmistress and our grandsons teacher do not seem to be doing anything about the situation.

Yesterday I received a call from the headmistress saying that our grandson had had an altrication in the school loos and that he had urinated on a boy.

I went straight down to the school, and my grandson was sitting in the office looking terrified. I asked him what had happened and at this point he started crying, he said that he had weed on someone, I asked who, and he replied that it was the same boy who has been picking on him for a while. I said that his behaviour to the other boy was not on and he should not have done it, the head said that has punishment he was to be kept in a breaktimes and lunchtimes for the rest of the week and would be chaperoned if he needed to go to the toilet. I asked our boy if anything else had happened that morning and he said that the boy concerned had been calling him names in class during the morning. I don't condon what my grandson did, but knew that there was more to this than he was saying.

I conforted the head and said that I was not happy with the way that they have been handling the situation with the other boy, and she replied that the other boy was not a bully, it was a case of a clash of personalities, I said I did not agree with this has my grandson was not the only boy that this other boy had been picking on, he has punched and kicked my grandson previously and also done the same to a couple of other boys, and I said that this boy need to be sorted out and that his behaviour was not acceptable.

When my grandson came home, we had a quite chat and he was more settled and nolonger crying, he told me that the boy in question had been punching him again in the toilets, whilst my grandson was having a wee, and so he just weed on him, I explained that his response was not acceptable and that he should have told the teacher all of what had happened, but he is too scared because they wont listen to him properly.

I don't know what to do for the best, we are getting nowhere with the school.

I have considered changing school for my grandson, but dont know if I would be able to get transport from the county to get him there, I am unable to get him there myself, aslo would this be in the best interest for my grandson to take him away from the few friends that he has.

Can anyone please advise me what would be the best thing to do for our grandson.

Thanking you in advance
caris

dipsy

Hi Caris

firstly hugs to you, its awful when your child/grandchild is being bullied and especially so young.

Not sure on the legal issues as my son was 13 when he was bullied, but I gave the school 2 chances to sort it out and then I reported the matter to the police and told the school that this is what I was doing

The police visited the school and spoke with the teacher/head of year and also spoke to the child that was doing the bullying and informed them that this was a case of assult and if it continued they would end up in a youth court.

it stopped!!!

maybe you could arrange to meet with the other childs parents at the school /with the head present

Maybe they are unaware of how their child is behaving?

Any parent worth their salt would be mortified to find out their child was a bully and will quickly deal with it.

good luck let us know how you get on x

bulchy

Hi Caris, so sorry this is happening. Could you try speaking to the governors of the school? It sounds like the head is trying to brush this under the carpet, I know some schools dont like to admit they have bullies in school, but not sorting this out now could lead to bigger problems when the kids get older.It would be a shame if your grandson had to move schools because of this, but he has to be happy in school. In the meantime, I would tell him to make sure he is never alone with this boy, so if anything else does happen, at least he will have witnesses, sorry if this sounds extreme, but your grandson trying to deter this boy once has already got him into trouble, even though its unacceptable what he done, what else could he have done under the circumstances?
Hope you can get it sorted.
Sue

Carmina_Piranha_3

caris wrote: »

I asked our boy if anything else had happened that morning and he said that the boy concerned had been calling him names in class during the morning. I don't condon what my grandson did, but knew that there was more to this than he was saying.

I conforted the head and said that I was not happy with the way that they have been handling the situation with the other boy, and she replied that the other boy was not a bully, it was a case of a clash of personalities,

he told me that the boy in question had been punching him again in the toilets, whilst my grandson was having a wee, and so he just weed on him, I explained that his response was not acceptable and that he should have told the teacher all of what had happened, but he is too scared because they wont listen to him properly.

firstly, the head will not take kindly to being 'confronted'. if this were me i would have another go at talking to the head once i'd calmed down and thought about what i wanted.

this one incident is not isolated, something needs to be done about the way your boy is being bullied - or if they don't think it is bullying they could still do something about it because your boy does think it's bullying and it's upsetting him. some 8 year olds are still quite young. if he thinks school won't listen to him properly maybe he's not getting his viewpoint over well enough and this may mean the staff aren't getting the full picture. my boy is rubbish at sticking up for himself, i remember him taking a detention at that age for punching his friend in the groin - it never occurred to him to tell the staff that the friend had ASKED him to do it! instead of fighting his corner he worries about annoying the teachers, thinks they won't listen to him, that if he argues back he'll be accused of bad manners etc.

so it might be worth meeting with the teacher and/or head again, or at least sending a letter. the school need to know that your boy was being physically attacked while he was having a wee. if he is a quiet boy, or not confident at talking to teachers etc. he might not have made that clear to the staff. given that he was having a wee at the time, what do they expect him to do? if you punch somebody who is urinating then there's a chance you'll be sprayed with it when the victim takes the impact of the blows.

once a punishment is handed out it's probably best to just accept it with grace, if your boy had told the staff the full story at the time then that might have swayed things but it's done now, punishment decided so i think he should have the detention - but with you making the teacher and head aware of what actually happened and coming up with a plan for avoiding it happening again.

why is this boy allowed to call your son names in class? what does the teacher do to control the class? if it was whispered name calling and this other boy is sly about it then the only solution i can see is to ask for him and this boy to be moved apart. there's usually a bit of leeway with where children are placed. if staff think it is a simple clash of personalities then separating the two boys would still be a sensible decision.

finally - i hope that being weed on has made this boy think twice about bullying yours! i would be tempted to tell my boy to threaten to wee on him again if he is ever nasty to him

nej

Not only does your grandson get bullied, but when he finally retaliates it's him that gets in trouble. Poor boy - must feel the world is against him. Make sure he knows that it's not.

mummy_Jay

Hi,

For starters as everyone else has said speak to the school again and if you know the parents of any of the other children this boy has bullied try going in together.

As for your grandson, have you asked him what he would like you to do about it? I'm just asking as he may be mortified, if he finds out you've gone to the school without talking to him first. Bullying is from when it happened to me more about jealousy (or more inadequace on the bullies behalf), what has your grandson got that the other boy doesn't, is he very intelligent in comparison? At 8 your boy may not be up to this but if he knows what the problem is, when the boy calls him names, to stand up make a point of loudly explaming "I know you have a problem with not being able to ***** but I would happily tutor you if you wish but there is no need to call me *****", this is a very hard thing to do at 16 let along 8, but if he can understand the problem and make sure others are aware when it happens (hand up and ask the teacher why the boy just said ****). It will at the very least make the teacher aware of this, the worst thing he can do is suffer in silence (though I will admit it is the easiest thing to do). I know he is telling you but is harder to punish after the fact.

Is he shy, may be taking up a club to build his confidence may help?

The one thing I would say to your grandson is, it takes a stronger wiser man not to stoop to the bullys level.

I hope you find some resolution or the means to it

Big hug

cannyscot_2

Caris

I agree with dipsy.

Often teachers see one side and are fixed on the side they see-ie a clash of personalities.

You are and must be your child's advocate and stand up for him

It is your right to take it further to protect your child.

I personally would write or if you are more comfortable schedule a meeting with the head(take another adult with you-VIP) , explain your worries and what you grandson has said and emphasis you feeling of greater responsility as his grandparent with a child who has not his parents as guardian. Hint but do not threaten but that the responibility you feel you would be forced to take it further.

And if the head does not come on side and make moves to resolve this situation then contact the authority.

Do not let it go. It is best resolved for all by the softly softly approach with the school but DO NOT let them think you will let it go.

ailuro2

My daughter is turned 9 today, thankfully she has not been bullied, but because it is so rife, and because there are a lot of boys in her class who are quite physical in their play (she has no siblings) we started her at martial arts self defence classes.

If you're in Scotland there may be a class near you... www.kupso.com

It teaches them to assess situations and be proactive with threatening behaviour from bullies.

If you're not in Scotland, then I think Tae Kwon Do is the nearest thing to Kupso, but worth looking into as martial arts are great for boosting self confidence.

Good Luck- my heart goes out to you all.

pinkshoes

I would suggest talking to your grandson, and explain to him that people who bullied are often sad people inside, who are only being mean because they are jealous/lonely, and that bullies often only choose people who 'react' (i.e. by crying).

This might help him to stand up to the bully (feeling sorry for the bully rather than hating him), and to just ignore him and walk away if the bully starts picking on him. I'm sure this other boy will get bored eventually and stop when he sees it's not working.

On the other hand, if ignoring the bully doesn't work and the bully hits your grandson and leaves a mark, then he can go straight to the teacher, show the evidence, and this bully will be dealt with.

conradmum

Every school has to have a policy on bullying. Ask to see a copy of it and when you've read it through, ask how it's been implemented in your grandson's case.

Loretta

dipsy wrote: »

Hi Caris

firstly hugs to you, its awful when your child/grandchild is being bullied and especially so young.

Not sure on the legal issues as my son was 13 when he was bullied, but I gave the school 2 chances to sort it out and then I reported the matter to the police and told the school that this is what I was doing

The police visited the school and spoke with the teacher/head of year and also spoke to the child that was doing the bullying and informed them that this was a case of assult and if it continued they would end up in a youth court.

it stopped!!!

maybe you could arrange to meet with the other childs parents at the school /with the head present

Maybe they are unaware of how their child is behaving?

Any parent worth their salt would be mortified to find out their child was a bully and will quickly deal with it.

good luck let us know how you get on x

Good for you, bullying and assault is a crime whether it is children and children or adults, I hate this attitude that if it is children it is OK, if it is husband and wife it is OK, if it is elderly people in nursing homes it is OK.

Assault is assault and everyone is entitiled to the protection of the law for their safety. Schools just do not seem to be learning anything.

How awful and frightening it must be for a child to have to go to school every day knowing that they are going to be bullied and assaulted either at school or on the school bus etc. if it was in the work place or the pub something would be done about it

Quite right, you should tell the school that if it happens again you will hold them responsible and you will involve the police. Your grandson has put up with a lot and probably acted out of character because he was desperate and afraid, don't let him down, make sure he understands that he is entitled to go about his business without being frightened, bullied and intimidated and if anyone behaves like this again they will be dealt with accordingly

Good luck and let us know what happens

I hate bullies