Becoming a paid carer for my mum

Mojisola

Skibunny40 wrote: »

it was a nurse when Mum was in hospital that said she wouldn't qualify - based on the fact that Mum claims she's perfectly capable of doing everything for herself ( & genuinely seems to believe it) when I know she's not and that she doesn't have an illness.

Quite a common situation (and a nurse should be aware that people often overestimate what they are capable of doing) but your Mum is entitled to AA for the help she needs.

Gavin83

What are her care needs, in your opinion? What are you (or she) suggesting you should earn as a salary for being her carer?

suejb2

Claim for it. You have nothing to lose but £57.30 (lower) and £86.60 (higher) to gain! I applied for my dad who fell a few years ago and had an hospital admission.
It is a detailed form, how can I put this? Don't skimp on information, more is best.

Take a look on https://www.carersuk.org
Good luck .

elsien

Depending on how part time your job is, you could fit the help mum needs around that. Otherwise if she only needs an hour or so a day she might need to be paying over the going rate to make up the shortfall in your wages, if you can't afford to have a lower wage coming in.

lesleystrawson

Ha! This takes me back to when my 90+ year old nan was supposedly 'assessed' for dementia - and was diagnosed with 'old age forgetfulness'. Still not sure that's a proper medical term, and we in the family were under no illusion that it was far from that at the time!

pearl123

Go on the carers uk forums. They have a wider range of knowledge there. If you feel there is a need now for you to be your mothers carer - then i suspect she can get Attendance allowance/ Disability living. Writing down a list of the things she can't do. Risk of falls, cooking, walking difficulties, opening medication, help going out.
The nurse who said you mother probably could not get it could very well be wrong. You could also phone a carers organisation for advice.

arielsmelody

I don't think there is any reason that your mum can't employ you to provide care, as long as it is on a reasonable basis - ie for hours that you actually work and at a similar rate to what you would pay an agency carer. She would become your employer, so that paperwork would need to be done and any tax paid. My OH organised for his sister to be a personal assistant for his mum who had Alzheimer's, and the local authority social worker was able to put him in touch with a charity that helped him to get her employment set up and put him in touch with a payroll company to make sure the right tax was paid etc.


Does any one have a financial lasting power of attorney to deal with your mum's finances? If not, you should get that organised as soon as possible so that you (or the person with the LPA) can help your mum deal with the money side of things.

margaretclare

Skibunny40 wrote: »

I've been told she won't qualify for Attendance Allowance because she doesn't have anything "wrong" with her, she's just old! Would it be worth applying anyway?

Off to check out the Carers UK forum now.

This is a whole new world to me so your help is much appreciated.

What you've been told (by whom?) is nonsense. Attendance Allowance is not about what is/is not wrong with you, It is about what are called the activities of daily living which you can no longer do/can only do with assistance. This goes really down to the very basics. Getting up out of bed/going to bed. Going to the loo, and all that's involved there. Cleaning yourself? Having a bath or shower or just a wash. Eating and drinking. Moving about safely inside your own home.



The claim form for AA lists all those things. It's not about age (although you can only claim it at age 65+) nor is it about illness. It really is about the very nitty-gritty.

margaretclare

Skibunny40 wrote: »

Sorry, can't figure out how to highlight the text but to answer Ames, it was a nurse when Mum was in hospital that said she wouldn't qualify - based on the fact that Mum claims she's perfectly capable of doing everything for herself ( & genuinely seems to believe it) when I know she's not and that she doesn't have an illness.

Given that my aunt has macular degeneration & didn't get Attendance Allowance (got a blue disabled badge though) I assumed the criteria was really high.

Will definitely apply now though.

As a former nurse and midwife, IMHO a nurse is not the best person to advise you.


This may be the root of your problem - Mum claims she's perfectly capable of doing everything for herself. Filling in that claim form, you have to be a bit careful. There are people out there who know the way to word things - DH was helped by a man from the local Disability Volunteer group. AgeUK may help.



Mum may attempt, and struggle and that, in her mind, is coping for herself. If it takes you all day to do something simple, that you used to do with ease, that a younger person could do in minutes, is that coping adequately? Are you putting yourself at risk, trying to do things that you think you can do/used to do, risking a fall in which you could injure yourself, is that coping adequately? It's no good saying 'oh I can do it SOME of the time'. That may be true, but be careful of the wording.



While we may not 'have anything wrong with us' as the nurse was quick to point out, we have lost muscle mass and muscle strength. And balance, and agility. All these affect how we're able to do ordinary things on a daily basis.

dawyldthing

Plus ordering medication, administrating medication, support into the community, making and attending appointments and the rest. Be really detailed but when we did nans years ago there were no visits and she was granted it but we were detailed. More the better with the forms