Trouble with my neighbours

Red-Squirrel_2

Simona_Fire wrote: »

On PasturesNew!!!8217;s point about not putting bins out. I live in a terrace and the only place to keep the bins is out the front so they!!!8217;re always there and available for fly tipping.

Padlocked bin stores, and put them out early morning on collection day, only when full.

victoriavictorious

genau wrote: »

I think you've been very wise with what you're thinking. You've come here to vent your frustration meaning you've "stepped back" from the situation. That in itself is a very good move in my opinion. I think that a lock is very passive aggressive, it's more likely to cause her to be aggressive than if you confront her about it. It's like when you send an text it's sending a message but your missing 70% of the communication meaning it's open to different interpretations.

If you decide to confront her then i'd suggest a strategy that would be quite passive and non confrontational and non threatening and maybe try to appeal to her better sense, say something like "I'm sorry to bother you but my bin was over flowing and I couldn't fit all my stuff in it and had to take it down the local tip", you could even say it in a neutral way without blaming her!

I know some people will think my attitude is being without a backbone or not standing up for myself but that doesn't mean you wouldn't stand up for yourself if it was something really important! It's a very ancient Chinese bit of wisdom that says "yield like a stalk of wheat" to the powerful wind and that powerful wind can't knock over the stalk of wheat. I think that bit of wisdom is in the text of Sun Tzu "The Art of War" which is a treaty on warfare studied at most military academies throughout the world

I know I'm probably being over dramatic comparing your neighbour with ancient Chinese tactics on warfare but I hope you get the drift and yes this subject although seemingly small and trivial can end up in a really major event

I think we British are quite territorial about our houses so it needs an extra thoughtful approach in my opinion

If she became irrational and unreasonable which her behavior already suggest she is how would you feel if you confronted her, she became angry and then started to play loud music or slam doors at inappropriate hours? The council environmental health have hundreds of thousands of people keeping so called "noise diaries" because of this type of thing. The fact that you live in such close proximity to her suggests that any repercussions from a confrontation could have a severe impact.

So what, I wonder, is the Ancient Chinese take on a 'mother' dumping her three under 5 children alone outside in a car because she CBA to look after them?

wishuponastar

I've got a friend who was on the receiving end of a similar parking issue. So i do sympathise with you. She does generally have a parking issue anyway on her street and some people even park on dropped kerb areas that should be left clear for access to private driveways, which does cause problems. There is one family who park their business vehicles (about 4 large vans/trucks) plus their personal vehicles for themselves and their kids too so about 4 cars on top (8 vehicles total for one family). That's why the problem is as bad as it is and I've heard countless stories from my friend mostly in frustration. Not to mention that the big trucks/vans have to mount the pavement meaning prams/pushchairs have to go on the road, otherwise there wouldn't be enough room for cars to drive down the road as once cars are parked on either side, it's a one car road.

One day, after having to park 3 streets away from her house, the next day she had a big handwritten note on her car saying something along the lines of telling her not to park there and why not park at her house! They didn't even have the guts to sign it off. It is frustrating and I know it does affect her as she almost centres her life around parking times and when it's best to return home after work and go out for shopping and she tends to want to stay in than meet up in town (just so she doesn't lose the parking space)!


Some people really think they own the public road, if those people want a private parking space outside their house, rent or buy a house with one. I would remind your neighbour of this that she doesn't own the road and the public parking space but say that you will consider doing the helpful neighbourly thing and not park there if you absolutely don't need to if she returns the goodwill and stops either overloading or using your bin for her rubbish full stop.

ThePants999

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

What is a mother doing having her children sleeping in a car outside her home anyway?:eek:

We did that for a while. Used to be that the little'un would only nap in the car - but it didn't need to keep moving after he'd fallen asleep, so not about to either (a) waste fuel driving around or (b) sit in the car with him for the whole nap. Did it for quite a while until he became happy to nap in his cot. That said, though - (a) it was winter, wouldn't consider doing it in a season when the car gets hot, and (b) we have a driveway, and could see him from inside the house.

YoungBlueEyes

As you don't have allocated parking I would park in whichever spot I fancy, her 'childcare plans' are not your concern.

Re the bins - I had the same issue with our old neighbour a wee while ago. his bin was full so he thought he'd use mine as an overflow. I carefully picked it all out and took it round to him - "you misplaced this". "No my bin's full so I'll just use yours too." "Next time you do it I'll post it all through your letterbox one day while you're out. If you need a bigger bin, ring the council and get a bigger bin." Which he did

HTH

tlc678910

Hi OP,
Reading this thread I am sure my opinion will be unpopular but I think you should pick your battles (even the battles you give head space to) and the bin one is no biggy in the grand scheme so don't get wound up. I agree it is unacceptable for your neighbour to cause your bin to be too full for your own rubbish so why not just mention the rejected bin and say you are happy for your neighbour to add to your bin but only on bin day so that you know there is room for your own waste first and it must close fully else it will be rejected. After that if you have to lift her rubbish out or use a bin lock at least you tried to be a good neighbour.

If she has children in nappies some areas will provide an additional bin. In my area (Worcestershire) I believe it's £40 for 3 years. Might be worth a Google/mention if relevant. I know her waste is not your problem but if you have info that can help someone then why not mention it?

As for the parking I wouldn't go out of my way to park outside anyone's house if there was alternative spaces (I try to choose along long fences/hedges etc) but if there are no good alternatives then go for it. If she asks just say honestly that there were no other spaces nearby and agree with her what a nightmare parking is round your way.

Tlc

scd3scd4

genau wrote: »

How would you feel though if you did confront the neigbour and it left a bad atmosphere so that every time you arrived home after work you were worried that you'd see the neighbour or if you saw her in the supermarket que would this type of thing be of concern?

People can react very irrationally when it's something to do with their children and what you intend to be a civil chat might turn into more of a heated exchange or at least create mutual bad feeling and misunderstanding.

Some people are like hippopotamuses and have really thick skin and so don't at all feel any atmosphere at all but to others they'd really regret starting a feud.

errrr............starting a feud because you won't let strangers take the pixx! That philosophy never ends well. People will see it as weakness and just continue with more.

tori.k

Have a chat with her about the bins, she may not even know about it if its a chore she has given one of her elder children or partner, as for parking if there is plenty available then just let it go, she asked and you relinquished to start parking there again would just be petty. It reads more as lack of communication then trouble to me, just be honest with her about the bins give her chance to rectify the issue

quantumlobster

I have a perhaps naïve view that, for most of the time, most people aren't actually trying to aggravate others, but rather, they are just trying to solve the problem that is in front of them.

OP, I don't think that the neighbour is trying to wind you up, or prove a point, or anything like that - she's just trying to deal with the fact that her bin is full. She might not know that the council may (or may not, I dunno, but if you don't ask, you don't get) provide larger bins for families with young children. Have that conversation. And suggest that if she needs to, she can put some stuff in your bin if she asks first. It's a tiny little quid pro quo.

The parking thing - well, for me, she can go whistle on that one

Pixie5740

You can get wheelie bin locks. I looked into it a while ago when a neighbour moved in and her workmen filled up everyone's bins with rubbish from her flat as they were decorating/renovating it instead of taking it all to the recycling centre like they were supposed to.