Left me no choice!

clairec79

If possible social services will keep the child within the family, if the mother can't protect the child they may look at wider family.

My SIL was similar to your daughter, MIL had her child live with her, she has managed to change her life around, get away from the partner, stop the harmful life style and no longer has any social services involvement with her children (she's met someone else and had another child)

Robisere

We are grandparents who were in your situation, a little over 17 years ago. The difference was that our dyslexic son had married a boozing, cannabis-smoking trollop who neglected and abused our two grandchildren, 4 and 2. He was at his wit's end, working 12 hour shifts and she was taking money for bills without paying them. She already had 2 children by 2 different men. The house was filthy and she refused to do anything about it: used to lock the 2 youngest in the kitchen whilst the others were at school. Eventually we visited the school and spoke to the headmaster, he involved Social Services and it snowballed. Whilst the other grandparents did nothing, we fought for the children and our son started divorce proceedings. It took 4 Court Hearings and 3 Children's services meetings, but eventually we were given the children to care for until our son could get back on his feet, back here with us in another county.



He has brought them up as a single parent with our help and they are now 21 and 19. Eldest has just taken a job as a trainee commercial banker, youngest is an apprentice electrician. We love them as we love all or grandchildren, that is completely, but the fact that an SS worker told me they would be "Split up and adopted miles from you and each other" made us angry enough to fight like mad for them. They have been part of a small but close and happy extended family for 17 years now and they are great kids who made well-adjusted adults.



Please, please inform Social Services what is going on, but be prepared for a battle. They rarely tell you what you want to hear. Consult a solicitor who may be able to tell you about another who is skilled with child protection. You are doing the right thing: it's all about the children: if anyone understands that, we do. It was the best thing we ever did.

Ms_Chocaholic

If your daughter doesn't put her child's needs before her own and her partner's the child the likelihood is that the child will be removed from her care. You don't mention the child's father in all of this, is he still about, does he have contact. It's likely that the child could be placed with him.

Ms_Chocaholic

Robisere wrote: »

Please, please inform Social Services what is going on, but be prepared for a battle. They rarely tell you what you want to hear. Consult a solicitor who may be able to tell you about another who is skilled with child protection. You are doing the right thing: it's all about the children: if anyone understands that, we do. It was the best thing we ever did.

Don't waste your money on a solicitor, I assume you don't have Parental Responsibility for your grandchild so Social Services WILL NOT give you any information regarding your granddaughter without the consent of her mother.

jaxscore

Thank you so much for all your messages. I'm overwhelmed by the support. Yeah I am here to off load and to have some assurance / approval that I've done the right thing, as this has to be the hardest thing I've ever done. My family support my actions but my daughter will hate me for sure.
In relation to this situation I've called the police every time he's been there. I now have photos to prove it and will be going to police station today to do a breech of bail statement along with the photos. Every time they go there she says he's not here. They went 10pm last night after a 5pm call from me and said sorry for waking you up! And left.. her neighbours have called them on several occasions due to violence and drug use. They've called the housing association regarding it as well. But they are getting their monies and don't seem to care either. My daughter is denying me any access to my GD. My GD dad isn't involved at all in her life. I've been the only constant in her tiny life since birth.
I am fully aware of all the laws she's is breaking in relation to her life style and perverting the course of justice. The only ones who aren't are the police!

Thank you all for taking the time to read this... it really is helping!

pearl123

jaxscore wrote: »

Reported my daughter to social services and feeling dreadful.
I never in a million years thought I'd be in this position, to cut a long saga short my daughter has a 21month old who she loves dearly, the problem is she's only 21 herself and not really coping, I do a fair bit of child minding so she gets to be 21! But the lines have become very blurred between being a parent and 21.. if i try to express my concerns I'm shot down in flames and just a nag!
She has been using cannabis more and more and more so when little one is about (day or night) and her alcohol consumption has increased, my concerns are ignored.
Recently she became involved with a man (24) who had been in prison for a violent offence. But had convinced her he had changed, again my concerns were ignored and unfortunately it's been a volatile relationship with police involvement before and a couple months ago he STRANGLED her and burst blood vessels in her eyes it was so violent. He's on bail not meant to be near her and has a warrant for his arrest for another offence. He's back on the scene!! And she's hiding him and covering for him. She lied to the police several times.
He does cocaine fairly regularly and drinks quite a bit.. whilst I don't want my daughter to have babe taken away.. if i can't help her I need someone too.. I just hope social services do that! I love them both with all my heart and I know she will cut me out out their lives and I'll be heart broken. I felt damned if I do and damned if I don't.. and would never forgive myself if either get hurt again.. please don't judge me. This has been the hardest thing to do and not done on a whim...

You've done the right thing.

Mummy2cheekymonkeys

What a horrible situation to find yourself in. I don't think anyone in their right mind would judge you. Your grandaughter is lucky to have such a loving grandparent. Your daughter might not ever see that you have done the right thing but I'm sure in time you will be able to sleep well at night knowing you did what was best for you granddaughter x

badmemory

As you said you had no choice. If you give social services the answer, then no doubt they will be able to supply the question. They are usually so stretched themselves these days both in time & finances that they are pushed even to ask questions.


The real question is will YOU be able to care for her? Most research seems to indicate that children in authority care to not do well & MAY do better even with very disfunctional families.


As in post #2 see if you can find an old thread by Mooloo who has dealt with this now for years.

Kit1

You have done the right thing. This is tricky but you are doing this for your granddaughter. She is the most important person in all of this. If the male is violent, then next time it may not be your daughter but your granddaughter who gets hurt. I hope your DD doesn't leave her DD with this man especially if he has a temper. Unfortunately you will have to keep talking to the police and Social Services, but also try and keep a record of everything you see and hear just in case.

I wish you luck in everything you do for your family.

Ms_Chocaholic

It's a difficult one as without any proof that he is there when your granddaughter is there, then Social Services won't do anything I'm afraid. If the Police find him there then that's a different matter.

If it gets to the stage where Social Services complete an assessment and visit the house, if your daughter lies and says something along the lines of my mum has made the referral and it's malicious, unfortunately they won't be able to do anything.

Sorry for the bad news but I wanted to give you a bit of perspective.