Left me no choice!

jaxscore

Reported my daughter to social services and feeling dreadful.
I never in a million years thought I'd be in this position, to cut a long saga short my daughter has a 21month old who she loves dearly, the problem is she's only 21 herself and not really coping, I do a fair bit of child minding so she gets to be 21! But the lines have become very blurred between being a parent and 21.. if i try to express my concerns I'm shot down in flames and just a nag!
She has been using cannabis more and more and more so when little one is about (day or night) and her alcohol consumption has increased, my concerns are ignored.
Recently she became involved with a man (24) who had been in prison for a violent offence. But had convinced her he had changed, again my concerns were ignored and unfortunately it's been a volatile relationship with police involvement before and a couple months ago he STRANGLED her and burst blood vessels in her eyes it was so violent. He's on bail not meant to be near her and has a warrant for his arrest for another offence. He's back on the scene!! And she's hiding him and covering for him. She lied to the police several times.
He does cocaine fairly regularly and drinks quite a bit.. whilst I don't want my daughter to have babe taken away.. if i can't help her I need someone too.. I just hope social services do that! I love them both with all my heart and I know she will cut me out out their lives and I'll be heart broken. I felt damned if I do and damned if I don't.. and would never forgive myself if either get hurt again.. please don't judge me. This has been the hardest thing to do and not done on a whim...

Artytarty

Oh, that's very tough, having to do what's best.
Of course it was the right thing! No doubt about it.
Have you read through Mooloo thread?
She's a grandmother who has been though a similar situation, more than once I think. She cares for one granddaughter and other grandchildren are in the care system.
You might find it helpful to read it.

pollypenny

Bless you. What a decision to have to make. Hopefully this will give her jolt she needs.

Btw: 21 is meant to be the age of maturity, or it was, now we have extended adolescence!

[Deleted User]

As hard as it was I think you have made the right decision.


It is better to swallow a bit of hurt than a potential / likely call to say something terrible had happened to daughter or grandchild.


When your daughter is older and wiser she will realise you did what you did out of love and may even thankyou for it.

hazyjo

Can't see a question, so just wondered if you're looking for approval? Maybe just wanted to offload? Either way - you know you're doing the right thing. Try and get her to see a doctor with a view to seeing a counsellor.


Good luck (to all).

TonyMMM

jaxscore wrote: »

And she's hiding him and covering for him. She lied to the police several times.

The she is committing the offence of "assisting an offender" and possibly "perverting the course of justice" both of which can result in substantial jail sentences if she were to be prosecuted .

Alikay

Will your DD let her child come to stay with you voluntarily now? She'll be in a much better position if she is taking active steps to safeguard the tot - SS take a poor view of women who continue to keep children in a situation involving violent/substance abusing partners.

Cheeky_Monkey

I think you did absolutely the right thing.

If your daughter has to suffer the consequences of her poor decisions that's just tough, but she has absolutely no right to endanger the life of her child which is basically what she's doing :mad:

I hope that Social Services will either let the child live with you (if that's even a possibility) or, if not, take the child into care so that she/he can live in a loving, safe home with people who won't see her/him as an inconvenience.

System

you protected the minor in all of this. Your daughter isnt the minor, the child is.

Well done!

FBaby

You did the right thing, you really did. Imagine if something happened to the baby because of her neglect/poor relationships? You would never forgive yourself.

If however angry or upset it makes your daughter, it is her own doing that led you to have to take this step. Hopefully it will be the wake up call that she needs and one day, she might thank you for making that brave decision.

harrys_nan

I think you have done exactly the correct thing for the baby, thank god you found the strength.