Advice for mother leaving father

panicproject

Hi all,

I will keep this as brief as I can.

My mother wants to leave my father and sell the house.
They have been married for over 40 years but the marriage is finished due to his alcoholism.
He wanted to split their savings when he retired, which my mother reluctantly agreed to. He spent all of his half (over £30,000) in a couple of years on alcohol and the lottery.
After that was gone he started on their bank reserve money and then the overdraft.
It was only then my mother asked me to step in and for the past 2 years I have been controlling their finances to make sure bills get paid etc.
Things went from bad to worse when it was noticed that he had been stealing my mums possessions, selling them and buying alcohol with the money he got for them.
She has had enough and wants to sell the house and leave him.

She has concerns and questions though.

She wants to leave him but she is not sure whether to divorce or not.

She wants to change her will so that if anything happens to her, her money does not go to him as she knows how it will be spent. Also the will states her half of the house will go to him, she no longer wants that.

She is also concerned that if she leaves him she does not know if he can come after the money she has saved, which is still a chunk of the money that was split a few years back.

The main pension that comes into the house is in his name. It gets automatically transferred by me into my mums account that he does not have access to so that bills can be covered and he does not spend it on alcohol.
My mum is concerned that if anything happens to her he will get her money savings.

Any advice would be great. If you need to know any finer details please ask and I will reply ASAP.

Thanks.

marliepanda

How do they own the house, tenants in common or joint tenants?

Any assets are currently marital so unfortunately the base position is 50% each. This could be altered by a judge in the divorce if she can show the earlier split and how he has stolen and spent their other money on alcohol.

Why is she not wanting a divorce? That does not make sense.

Obviously his pension will need to be decided in the divorce settlement too. She needs legal advice.

Iamadored

Could your mother give you her savings? You could keep them for her in a separate account in your own name.

That way your father could never touch them, because legally the money would be yours.

I don't know if you have siblings. If you do, she would probably want her money split evenly between her children when she dies. But that is something you can easily do.

If your mother is going to live on her own, she is going to need half their joint income. In order to get that, in a reliable, long-term way, she will have to divorce.

There is absolutely nothing stopping her from changing her Will immediately, and as many times as she likes, as her wishes and/or circumstances change. In fact, that is what she should be doing.

However, if the house is jointly owned (which is the norm for older married couples) & she dies first, he will automatically become the sole owner.

To stop this from happening she can divorce asap and sell up, or they can legally change the house ownership from 'joint' to 'tennants-in-common'.

This will give her full ownership of half the property, and she can then 'Will' her half as she wishes.

But, he will have to agree to do this, and I can't see that happening, as he only stands to lose from it. Another good reason to divorce.

marliepanda

Iamadored wrote: »

Could your mother give you her savings? You could keep them for her in a separate account in your own name.

That way your father could never touch them, because legally the money would be yours.

I don't know if you have siblings. If you do, she would probably want her money split evenly between her children when she dies. But that is something you can easily do.

If your mother is going to live on her own, she is going to need half their joint income. In order to get that, in a reliable, long-term way, she will have to divorce.

There is absolutely nothing stopping her from changing her Will immediately, and as many times as she likes, as her wishes and/or circumstances change. In fact, that is what she should be doing.

However, if the house is jointly owned (which is the norm for older married couples) & she dies first, he will automatically become the sole owner.

To stop this from happening she can divorce asap and sell up, or they can legally change the house ownership from 'joint' to 'tennants-in-common'.

This will give her full ownership of half the property, and she can then 'Will' her half as she wishes.

But, he will have to agree to do this, and I can't see that happening, as he only stands to lose from it. Another good reason to divorce.

Anything she gives to the OP could absolutely be brought up in the divorce settlement. She can!!!8217;t just give it away and expect that to fly if the husband knows about the money and asks where it is/contests it.

he also does not have to agree to the severance of a joint tenancy.
https://www.gov.uk/joint-property-ownership/change-from-joint-tenants-to-tenants-in-common
So the main points of your post are legally incorrect. Please check before giving information as fact when it is very clearly incorrect.

panicproject

marliepanda wrote: »

How do they own the house, tenants in common or joint tenants?

Any assets are currently marital so unfortunately the base position is 50% each. This could be altered by a judge in the divorce if she can show the earlier split and how he has stolen and spent their other money on alcohol.

Why is she not wanting a divorce? That does not make sense.

Obviously his pension will need to be decided in the divorce settlement too. She needs legal advice.

They are currently joint tenants. A few months ago she tried changing her will to not leave her part of the house to him. They would not allow it. Since then she has done nothing as she didn't want him to know.

I have been telling her to file or divorce as then everything will get dealt with properly but she is not willing to do it. She is using her age (73) as an excuse.

panicproject

Iamadored wrote: »

Could your mother give you her savings? You could keep them for her in a separate account in your own name.

I have discussed this with her. Not sure it is going to work though.

Iamadored wrote: »

To stop this from happening she can divorce asap and sell up, or they can legally change the house ownership from 'joint' to 'tennants-in-common'.

This will give her full ownership of half the property, and she can then 'Will' her half as she wishes.

But, he will have to agree to do this, and I can't see that happening, as he only stands to lose from it. Another good reason to divorce.

You're right, he won't agree.
She needs to just file for divorce, but she won't. I have been on at her for over 3 years about this.

System

Could your mother give you her savings? You could keep them for her in a separate account in your own name.

Might be classed as deprivation of assets sometime in the future and theres tax implications.

marliepanda

panicproject wrote: »

They are currently joint tenants. A few months ago she tried changing her will to not leave her part of the house to him. They would not allow it. Since then she has done nothing as she didn't want him to know.

I have been telling her to file or divorce as then everything will get dealt with properly but she is not willing to do it. She is using her age (73) as an excuse.

She can't leave half her house to anyone because she doesn't own half a house.

As joint tenants she owns ALL the house, and your dad owns all the house. So if she dies, he just owns it all. There are no halves. She can however, change this (not with a will) and she does not need your fathers permission: https://www.gov.uk/joint-property-ownership/change-from-joint-tenants-to-tenants-in-common (sorry but Iamadored, your advice is wrong on many counts...)

Whilst she does not need permission, I am sure that the other owner would then find out.

Honestly if shes not willing to get a divorce then its not going to work. She can't just sell the house, move and keep his pension going to her account without it all being formalised legally.

panicproject

marliepanda wrote: »

She can't leave half her house to anyone because she doesn't own half a house.

As joint tenants she owns ALL the house, and your dad owns all the house. So if she dies, he just owns it all. There are no halves. She can however, change this (not with a will) and she does not need your fathers permission: https://www.gov.uk/joint-property-ownership/change-from-joint-tenants-to-tenants-in-common (sorry but Iamadored, your advice is wrong on many counts...)

Whilst she does not need permission, I am sure that the other owner would then find out.

Honestly if shes not willing to get a divorce then its not going to work. She can't just sell the house, move and keep his pension going to her account without it all being formalised legally.

Thank you.
I am going to sit down with her over the weekend and go through all this with her.

Honeysucklelou2

There is the option to go for a judicial separation if the thought of divorce is too much. Judicial separations are more unusual, but the key difference is that the couple remain legally married and are not free to marry anyone else.

Iamadored

marliepanda wrote: »

he also does not have to agree to the severance of a joint tenancy.

Isn't that what I said?

marliepanda wrote: »

So the main points of your post are legally incorrect. Please check before giving information as fact when it is very clearly incorrect.

Only giving my opinion; never claimed to be an expert. If the OP wants expert advice he/she needs to ask a solicitor, not come on a public forum. If I am wrong, there are plenty of people (like yourself) more than ready to pick me up on it and correct me. (Which, to be fair, is how it should be.)