My fiancee has told his ex I'm pregnant

zagfles

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Perhaps see your GP about your anger issues and your insecurity? Because looking at what you have written from the outside, you seem to have zero appreciation for how stressful this must be for your fiancee with an ex stalking and harassing him and you shouting at him for being the victim of stalking and harassment. Why aren't you supporting him in this stressful time, rather than flying off the handle at him? Your anger is apparently more important to you than what he's having to deal with . It all comes across as very "me, me, me" .

Absolutely. Your fiancee is being stalked and harrassed and all you can think of is "...but but I wanted people to know in the right order.." and give him a hard time for trying his best to put an end to the stalking? Seriously?

brewthebear

You,ll push him back to her if you do not get a grip. Your making too much of it be happy you and your partner are having a baby.He sounds like an ok guy and all your doing is being childish...

KateBob

Sounds like his ex is stalking him, he should go to the police and ask them for help with dealing with this.

His decision to tell her about your pregnancy before you've told close family is in my opinion wrong and I can understand why you were upset by it.
However since you stated you've not been bothered by her attempts to get him back before it maybe that your strong reaction to this and feelings of of insecurity may be caused by the hormonal changes in pregnancy.

Give yourself a break from guilt about this and talk to your partner.

MataNui

Although he shouldnt of told anyone if you had both been keeping it quiet i can definitely understand the logic in his reason. In fact its pretty much exactly what i would do. He is hoping that by telling her you are pregnant she will get the message that he is settled and happy and moving on and she needs to just leave him alone.


You can tell him your annoyed by her knowing before you have decided to tell friends etc but you are going way over the top in your reaction so far. He has done something he believes should see the back of this woman and you have gone off at him about it.

Mojisola

MataNui wrote: »

Although he shouldnt of told anyone if you had both been keeping it quiet i can definitely understand the logic in his reason. In fact its pretty much exactly what i would do.

I can't understand why he didn't talk it through with yvonne and explain his reasoning before telling the ex.

They had agreed not to tell anyone else - surely he realised that meant his ex as well as family and friends?

Pollycat

Mojisola wrote: »

I can't understand why he didn't talk it through with yvonne and explain his reasoning before telling the ex.

They had agreed not to tell anyone else - surely he realised that meant his ex as well as family and friends?

Me neither.

MataNui wrote: »

Although he shouldnt of told anyone if you had both been keeping it quiet i can definitely understand the logic in his reason. In fact its pretty much exactly what i would do. He is hoping that by telling her you are pregnant she will get the message that he is settled and happy and moving on and she needs to just leave him alone.

But the ex could do just the opposite and ramp up her campaign now she knows there will be a child.
After all, she's been getting away with ringing & emailing him with impunity for some time.

I'm surprised that the OP and her partner haven't had the 'is this stalking?' chat before now.

Mojisola

Pollycat wrote: »

But the ex could do just the opposite and ramp up her campaign now she knows there will be a child.

If she reacts like some stalkers do to a change in circumstances, yvonne could be at risk - she and the baby are coming between the stalker and her target.

TBagpuss

I'[m sorry you and your partner are gping through this. It sounds as though there are 2 issues, (1) the harassment by his ex and (2) his decision to tell her about your pregnancy without consulting you.

In relation to his ex, what she is doing is harassment, which is something which can, and should, be reported to the police. They can give her a warning and if she continues after she has been warned, ultimately she could be charged with harassment as a criminal offence.

He may have to push a bit to get the police to take action, some will try to tell him it is a civil matter (it can be, but it is also a criminal matter they can deal with) and it is important that he reports each an every incident. E-mails are good as they are tangible evidence of what she is doing.

He could also write to her, either directly or via a solicitor, to explicitly say that she is not to contact him in any way. His letter (or e-mail) should say specifically that he will consider any further contact to be harassment, and that that includes any attempt to contact him indirectly (e.g. sending messages via third parties, or contacting members of his family) He should keep a copy of the letter and provide it to the police, this lets them see that she has explicitly been told to stay away, and makes it easier for them to take action if she doesn't.

The second issue is that he gave her sensitive news about you without your knowledge or consent. That's a conversation you need to have with him, to explain that while you understand his motives, because it affects both of you, it's the kind of thing he needs to discuss with you before he does it, so you and he can ideally agree on what to do, and if you can't agree, you at the very least know what is happening. It's reasonable that you felt angry and unhappy that he told her, but I'd suggest that rather than making it about blaming him (it can't now be undone, after all) that you focus instead on trying to work with him so that you can communicate better with each other.

Mummy2cheekymonkeys

If she didn't back off after finding out you were engaged to each other I doubt finding out you are pregnant will make any difference whatsoever either.

Pollycat

Mummy2cheekymonkeys wrote: »

If she didn't back off after finding out you were engaged to each other I doubt finding out you are pregnant will make any difference whatsoever either.

Let's hope it won't have the opposite effect that the OP's fiance expected.