Ex wants to be friends but I'm heartbroken

ska_lover

unholyangel wrote: »

You were together 3-4 months and you're making declarations of love?

Not that unusual. It may sound hurried if you have never experienced it - but I would definitely say by four months, I knew my OH was 'the one'.

richdeniro

I met up with her yesterday and we ended up back at mine and she stayed the night and it was really lovely and intimate.

However we didn't discuss the messages I sent her, how I feel about her and I didn't ask if she was still seeing the other guy or what was going on there.

Now confused as to what it all means.

Primrose

You say you're well spoken and have a professional job so what are you doing getting yourself into this mess? I suspect your brain may have slipped slipped to a lower part of your anatomy and I,m not surprised you're confused. This woman is playing you and you have fallen for it.

Bite the bullet and walk away. Are you really going to take her and her children on in perpetuit? . Find somebody with whom you can make a fresh start without all this baggage.

She,s probably posting her triumph all over Facebook. How does that make you feel? You may feel you are fond of her but if she,s still doing with somebody else what she was doing with you I think you owe yourself more self respect.

AstroTurtle

What is it with you adults and Facebook.

I thought us youngsters were meant to have our lives ruled by Social Media.


Stop playing weird mind games of blocking / deleting (but unsure of timescales to recontact when convenient for you) and just cut the baggage off and move on.

richdeniro

Well you were all right and I should have taken all the advice in the first place. Going through the breakup a second time now which feels even worse. Sorry for posting here but I just feel I need to tell someone even if it is just a internet message board.

We met up again back at the beginning of June as my last post above alludes to and were been seeing each other casually, she assured me she wasn't seeing anyone else in that time but things felt different to how they were before.

She would be online on whatsapp in the evenings for long periods and despite me sending messages and seeing her online would take forever to respond to them. When we went out she would take every opportunity when I went to the loo or to the bar to get back on whatsapp and when she was staying at mine would lean forward so I couldn't see who she was messaging. I called her up on it and she would tell me it's nothing and that I was overthinking.

Anyway, long story short I was certain she was in at least an emotional relationship with someone or maybe a few other guys and just couldn't get past it as it just felt so much more different to before when I did feel like I was the only guy for her and would be the first one she messaged in the morning and last thing at night.

The last week or so she became even more distant and I felt that I was becoming a bit of a chore to her. We met up for a drink on Sunday night and spoke a bit about it and she asked if it were possible for us just to be friends. I told her I don't think I can and said I obviously want more, told her to sleep on it and last night she sent me a message saying: "things are different in not feeling it anymore". I asked if there was someone else and she replied with "Of course I meet people when I go out I suppose i won't know what I'm looking for until it hits me". The final message she sent read "I suppose I just need to fancy someone more please don't feel bad I know you have tried harder lately buts it's not enough sorry".

So I guess that's it now. Having to go through a second breakup again is killing me. Sorry again for bumping up my old post and writing another long post, just feel heartbroken again.

Primrose

It's sad that having stuck your hand in the fire first time round and felt the pain, you didn't remember that the second time round and did it all again.


Emotional pain is just as distressing as physical pain and can take even longer to heal because the brain won't easily let you forget.


I'm afraid all you can do now is just write this off as a very painful learning experience and try and find some other things to do with your spare time that enable you to meet with other people socially.


You're definitely on the rebound right now so don't be tempted to get into another deep relationship for a while until you've worked out in your mind exactly what you want from a lasting relationship and the sort of profile you have in mind for that person. That will hopefully prevent you from making another mistake with a woman who has a large age difference from you, children (who will always cause an issue of some kind for an unencumbered new partner) and somebody who's prepared to be honest and straightforward with you.


You don't say what your hobbies and interests are, but maybe focus on the ones which help you spend time with other people as a distraction. Brooding on your own won't help and will only make it harder.

Stoke

Primrose wrote: »

I,d be tempted to come off Facebook altogether, start living in the real world and pay no attention to what other people are doing. I think you've been taken for a sucker by somebody who has no idea how to behave decently. Don't you deserve better for yourself ?

I don't use Facebook at all these days. Jacked it in about 5 years ago. Best decision I ever made

red_devil

what a joke citing an age gap so small as a part reason.

hazyjo

Can't see how anyone can offer any more advice. You didn't take it before. So maybe start from the top and read it all again cos I really can't see how anything has changed.


Was going to say the same as red devil. Seven year age gap? That's zip. Really feeble way of trying to tell you you're emotionally immature.


As for the ex thing, I have six exes on FB lol. None hugely serious (no ex husbands or fiances!), but serious enough to have holidayed with a couple. You have to have reached a point where you won't be jealous if they meet someone else. You're way off that so don't even try. Block her, forget her, and move on. Really, it's not been long, you shouldn't be feeling quite this hurt or obsessed with her. I'd maybe look at emotional issues in your past and question why you felt so upset when she moved on and met someone else. It's a bit of human nature to want what you can't have, or to 'beat someone else to it' and we all hate being rejected, but this does seem a bit much.


I also believe in 'when you know, you know' and that bolt of lightning can hit you very quickly and hard - but it has to go two ways. If just one way, then it's just a bit 'obsessive' or 'stalkery' (not saying you are, just that it's a bit uncomfortable when someone won't accept it's over).

davidwood681

''I suppose I just need to fancy someone more please don't feel bad I know you have tried harder lately buts it's not enough sorry''

The less you care the better the results will be.

You're too soft.