Transfer of ownership

DairyQueen

Silvertabby wrote: »

I looked at several homes when a friend was looking for a place for her mother. In the case of LA ones she could have been placed in a shared bedroom with 1 or 2 other ladies, and would have had to use a communal bathroom. The private homes, however, all had beautiful suites with en-suite bathrooms.

Indeed so, and the private ones we visited didn't smell of urine (unlike LA homes - awful but true). MIL's home also provides excellent meals and the residents can request something different from the menu choices, and can do so at any time of day. The furniture provided is new and designed for use by the elderly. MIL even willingly parted from the ugly, disreputable armchair that she insisted on taking to the home (it's nowhere near as functional and comfortable as the home's offering). MIL has her own phone, TV and internet point (shame she doesn't use a computer). Her clothes and linens are beautifully laundered, her room is clean, she has gained weight and there have been no falls and no hospital admissions. Her showers are always assisted. She is now safer and healthier than she has been for over five years.

She has also made friends, the local priest visits the home regularly and there are plenty of activities organised by the home. It's expensive but worth every penny.

margaretclare

DairyQueen wrote: »

Indeed so, and the private ones we visited didn't smell of urine (unlike LA homes - awful but true). MIL's home also provides excellent meals and the residents can request something different from the menu choices, and can do so at any time of day. The furniture provided is new and designed for use by the elderly. MIL even willingly parted from the ugly, disreputable armchair that she insisted on taking to the home (it's nowhere near as functional and comfortable as the home's offering). MIL has her own phone, TV and internet point (shame she doesn't use a computer). Her clothes and linens are beautifully laundered, her room is clean, she has gained weight and there have been no falls and no hospital admissions. Her showers are always assisted. She is now safer and healthier than she has been for over five years.

She has also made friends, the local priest visits the home regularly and there are plenty of activities organised by the home. It's expensive but worth every penny.

I think many of us would not object to spending our remaining days in such surroundings. When we visited DH's former colleague in Surrey we were offered tea and fresh-baked scones. When other of his former friends dropped in, it was like a party. Not what the common view is of 'being in a home'. But it turned out later, that man had become a millionaire through wise investments so money wasn't a problem. He was very frail physically but pin-sharp mentally and that afternoon, it was fun for him.

badmemory

DairyQueen wrote: »

Indeed so, and the private ones we visited didn't smell of urine (unlike LA homes - awful but true)

When viewing homes one should always take ones nose along. But the most expensive home we viewed was the one with the strongest stench & it wasn't bleach. So the price is not necessarily a good indication. The next most expensive felt like I suspect it may feel like being in prison.


Knowing that between us we were going to visit every day we settled for one which we thought she would feel comfortable in & which we would also be happy visiting.


But we need to realise that a home for someone who is fully "with it" & someone with ever growing dementia will not be the same.


We also need to differentiate between LA funded places in homes & the very few LA homes in existence

Keep_pedalling

badmemory wrote: »

When viewing homes one should always take ones nose along. But the most expensive home we viewed was the one with the strongest stench & it wasn't bleach. So the price is not necessarily a good indication. The next most expensive felt like I suspect it may feel like being in prison.


Knowing that between us we were going to visit every day we settled for one which we thought she would feel comfortable in & which we would also be happy visiting.


But we need to realise that a home for someone who is fully "with it" & someone with ever growing dementia will not be the same.


We also need to differentiate between LA funded places in homes & the very few LA homes in existence

If the home passes the nose test, you should also try and have a chat with some of the residence and visitors.

My mum spent her last 2 years in an LA funded home, which on first appearance I was not too keen on (rather old fashioned and very small rooms) but I was somewhat reassured after speaking to a couple of the residence and a visitor whose mother had been there for some time.

She was lucky, but if ever need residential care there is no way I am leaving it down to luck, I want choice and I want modern facilities.

margaretclare

Keep_pedalling wrote: »

If the home passes the nose test, you should also try and have a chat with some of the residence and visitors.

My mum spent her last 2 years in an LA funded home, which on first appearance I was not too keen on (rather old fashioned and very small rooms) but I was somewhat reassured after speaking to a couple of the residence and a visitor whose mother had been there for some time.

She was lucky, but if ever need residential care there is no way I am leaving it down to luck, I want choice and I want modern facilities.

Couldn't agree more.

Mojisola

Keep_pedalling wrote: »

My mum spent her last 2 years in an LA funded home, which on first appearance I was not too keen on (rather old fashioned and very small rooms) but I was somewhat reassured after speaking to a couple of the residence and a visitor whose mother had been there for some time.

We also chose a home for Dad that wasn't top of the range - it looked a bit shabby in places and there wasn't a posh chef and so on - but his home spent a larger proportion of their money on staffing and less on the 'glamour' stuff and the care was so much better as a result.

lessonlearned

Mojisola wrote: »

We also chose a home for Dad that wasn't top of the range - it looked a bit shabby in places and there wasn't a posh chef and so on - but his home spent a larger proportion of their money on staffing and less on the 'glamour' stuff and the care was so much better as a result.

Similar to my experience when I had to place my husband in a nursing home. I visited 12, 9 were quickly ruled out. We then tried out 3 on a respite basis, my husband staying for a week. They were all private but some had places allocated to LA funded residents.

The first was for seniors but they were prepared to make an exception for my husband who was in his early 50s. It was dreadful, I brought him home a day early it was so bad.

The second was posh, very expensive, restaurant quality food, nice furniture etc but it seemed cold and impersonal.

The third and his eventual choice was open to all ages, some residents were as young as 20. It was shabby and at times yes a bit "whiffy" but the staff were lovely and very caring, especially when he was dying. I couldn't fault the care.

Several of them attended his funeral, two or three of them taking a days holiday to ensure they could get the time off.

You can't always judge a nursing home by how it looks. It's best to try and arrange a trial run if you can.

humptydumptybits

I tell my kids to just make sure I'm not in a home where they have Vera Lynn sing songs round the piano. I want the Beatles and Elvis and a disco with a glitter ball.

margaretclare

humptydumptybits wrote: »

I tell my kids to just make sure I'm not in a home where they have Vera Lynn sing songs round the piano. I want the Beatles and Elvis and a disco with a glitter ball.

No, you won't get Vera Lynn - that generation is passing away. You might get Elvis whether you like it or not.


I watched a programme on BBC4 last evening about the Everly Brothers. Oh, they were so young in their heyday - 1957-62. They looked different when filmed. Do you fancy listening to 'Bye Bye Love' and 'Cathy's Clown' all day long?

JuneBow

Keep_pedalling wrote: »

If the home passes the nose test, you should also try and have a chat with some of the residence and visitors.

That is so true. i visit alot of residential and nursing homes and it is not always the ones that have the fanciest curtains and poshest carpets that people are happiest in. For people who are just physically unable to manage on their own, it is the isolation that is the problem. in most homes there is a high proportion of residents who have dementia etc and those with only physical problems have no one to talk to.
So when I go into these places I like to see the staff just talking to the residents. Not everyone likes organised activities. Some people just want to watch tv with someone or chat. I know of one home that the manager, the cook, the cleaners and the gardener even just comes in to talk to Mary, Frank etc , and what a difference it makes.
Obviously cleanliness and nice meals are important but it is the intangible things like company which make the difference to someone being happy or hating the home.