taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

Thank you Vampirotoothus

I am good , I have acceptance of excatly what I have been dealing with and I know that I will never know peace for as long as he has a place in my life therefore he is gone , life is too short to waste time dealing with people who blatantly have no respect for the time you are giving. I am thankful that his misdemeanours stared me in the face a little while ago so emotionally I have half checked out and the going our seperate ways is not a shock to me , I have been mentally preparing myself for my exit.

I am currently on the naughty step and receiving silent treatment and to be honest the timing could have been MUCH MUCH better but it is what it is and everything happens for a reason - It will have to be resolved and it isnt something I am relishing

The airport car park , the flights , the excursions , the whole shabang are all booked with my friends however his will also be in resort

He paid for the holiday ( I am sure to keep me about ) so technically he should go before me even though I am the innocent party and will miss out on a fun week with my friends because of his lack of intregity , I am not so sure he will be so keen to go alone however since my friends will know he is the reason for my absense

If it becomes messy I will book myself a last minute deal somewhere over the weekend and just get out of the country but that means going alone which I would rather not do

enthusiasticsaver

Goodness the situation with your ex sounds dire but I wouldn't want to give up on a holiday. Ideally he wont go.

Re finances, definitely give up on the smoking. Visualise yourself setting fire to £10 notes because effectively that is what you are doing plus of course the damage done to your health, smell on clothes, damage to teeth, hands, etc etc. Vaping is good to wean you off. Such a shame after giving it up for 10 years you went back on but presumably a stressful time.

I am not sure I understand the situation with your home? Your over 18 children live in your ex family home and you are back with your parents after renting for 6 years? Where does your ex live and how will you realise your share of the house in order to buy another one? Is there a mortgage outstanding on it?

I hope you manage to go on your holiday with your friends.

efes_shareholder

He is dire - contact has been made and he wants to take option 4 or 5
Him disturbing my day has awakened my anger so I need to remember that option 5 involves being a grown up
There will be 450 other people on the holiday so I can avoid his company
but right now I want to punch the fool in the face

ES -( sorry too lazy to type full name) The situation with the house is quite complex , We purchased the house in the 90's , I spent many unhappy years in a relationship before I found the courage to end it however I knew he would be resistant to leaving the house so I did and I rented privately , much of my historic debt is from "proud , independant " living
He remains in the house
The kids are now all in their 20's , one in full time employment and hopefully looking to buy their own place soon , one doing an MA and one in the 2nd year of uni so they are back and forth.
I have always said that until they were a little older/stable in life I wouldn't force the sale of the house as it gives them a roof over their head and a security they wouldnt have otherwise. There is a interest only mortgage and obviously a fare amount of equity but realistically my share would only enable to buy me a 1 or at most 2 bed flat with a max mortgage on my salary so for now I am comfortable enough with staying with my mum and letting the house tick over whilst getting myself in the best position to invest once the house is sold
We have a declaration of trust which outlines the share and a mutual understanding that we will look to sell in around 3 years time which the kids also know.
To be honest , if we sold now it wouldnt work for me as my credit file is a bit battered and I do not want to spend the equity on rent when I could have my own home again
being back with your parents at 45 is HARD

efes_shareholder

Wow my head is spinning

I needed wine last night after dealing with the ex about forthcoming holiday - He really can be a peace of work when he doesn't like what he hears.
He expects me to go away and pretend to our friendship group that everything is fine , well as much as I can be adult , I am no longer going to be linked in that way

To make my frustration worse , my sister who i had hoped would step up and take care of my mum in my absence has now booked a "surprise" holiday with her partner to be away the same week as i am - leaving my mum to oversee her children at short notice , damm im struck with how selfish people can be and only consider themselves

I honestly could implode ! I have a feeling they will roll up where I am going and I can't say I am going to be overly struck to see them

She hasn't mentioned anything to me , she only told my mum yesterday.
Its too much for a 70 year old women whos had replacement knees and its frustrated the hell out of me

In other news , its pay day !

efes_shareholder

First payment of the month made £25.00 off the very account

Hopefully more as the month progresses

efes_shareholder

for the first time ever , car insurance paid in full ! £346.51 ouch that hurt !

I have also found a cheap B&B should the forthcoming week prove completely intolerable

efes_shareholder

So the standing orders have left my account , insurance has been paid and holiday spends withdrawn - wow even by my standards I have mutilated my wages in record time
I do have an emergency fund should it be needed to replenish my current account but as I am out of the country I wont be using the account so I will wait until I get back and re assess

On the idiot front , I have ridden the waves of Anger , frustration and embarrassment and decided that I will go on holiday , I do not see why I should miss out because he is a fool , I knew he was a fool a while ago but was keeping my lip tight until after the holiday , nothing has changed except he now knows that I know that he is a fool too.

He will go regardless of my choice but has said he does not want me to miss out on something I have been looking forward too and will throw any strops etc

I am going to stop playing out different scenerios in my head ( which is a fault I have ) , chuck it in the ****it Bucket and drink cocktails in the sunshine

( plus hes let himself go and I will look a damm sight better in my swimwear then he will

efes_shareholder

I just re read that last sentance - he will be wearing his own swimwear -NOT MINE !!

efes_shareholder

Wow , Where do I start !!! Firstly I hope everyone is well

Holiday went much better then I expected - I decided in the end to just throw it in the bovvered bag and go and have the good time I had intended too. I was surrounded with friends and familar faces so it wasn't difficult.
I gave no explaination to anyone etc or told them the circumstances as I did not want to be peoples sympathy case and to "worry " about me and I also didn't want to be the cause of any atmosphere or kill any vibe , effectively we went with option 5 and kept up appearances.
It worked quite well

It probably helped that I overdid the sun and sea and the splosh on day 1 and ended up taking the next 24 hours out and on water only , only to wake up on day 5 feeling unwell and having to visit the medical centre , my pocket was then 50 euro lighter , I was put on antibiotics and any drinking was no off the menu so no chance of my mouth running away ,thankfully the horse sized tranquilisers worked and I soon felt better

It is such a shame that he is a complete bell end at times as we actually got on really well under the circumstances , I am sure he wants me to just forget everything and carry on but I am not sure I can deal with that so hey ho - the answers will become clear if I don't over think and evaluate and at least the week was enjoyable for us both

It certainly was a welcome escape , a fantastic sun soaked week with lots of familar people and lots of new friends and an atmosphere which could not be beaten

Even the appearance of my relative did not scarper my enjoyment , I really did not like how they had managed to get themselves away for the week ( dropping kids on relatives with 4 days notice ) - I told them assertively excatley what I thought of their underhandness and then moved on as I was not going to allow it to spoil my holiday and it quite possibly would have had i hung on to it. The person they put upon will be taking care of the aftermath and letting them know that they cant pull stunts like they did but I did have to say my piece.

In finances , well as I expected they are slightly battered - in fact more beaten then I had hoped however I did have the funds available for the holiday and it will just mean I have to try and reign it in for the remainder of the month , each time I feel slightly despondant about my lack of financial freedom this month I shall chose a moment of the holiday to reflect on and that shall make it worth it

There are no more payments or direct debits to go out this month - just waiting on the statements to come in so I can evaluate for next months payments , the car is half full so I shall drive like miss daisy and hope I can get the most out of the tank , the sunbeds arent as critical as I am now lovely and bronzed and I have a couple of books that I didnt get to read whilst away which will stop me getting bored

efes_shareholder

so last night i collected my things from the Ex's flat.

I can't stay somewhere where there is no respect for the relationship.

Today I just feel flat

I know its the best thing to do and in reality the only option , however I guess its like when you have toothache and have the tooth removed , you still wiggle your tongue over the gap for a while before you get used to how it now feels.