Trying to get a copy of my sons DLA letter from ex

ITZJOK3RII

LocoLoco wrote: »

OP, would your child's mum be willing to apply to the charities for additional equipment to have at your home rather than you having to do it or are relations not good enough for that to be an option? I don't know about court action, I've generally found Contact A Family a good gateway charity (in so much as they usually know where to direct you if they can't help directly) so perhaps if you get in touch with them they might have suggestions.

most likely no but they need the DLA letter and she is saying she ant got it. Which is bull. but ill try Contact A Family, thank you

pmlindyloo

Do you have parental responsibility for your son? ie. are you named on his birth certificate?

If you have then it may be that you could approach this in a different way.

As a father with parental responsibility you have the same rights as the resident parent. That is you have the right to obtain his medical records.

You could then use these to apply for the charitable grants. You would need to explain that you are unable to provide the DLA letter.

There must be children who are disabled and do not receive DLA so I cannot see that this would be a problem.

You may like to contact this organisation>

https://fnf.org.uk/law-information-2/doctors-and-schools

It could be that as a parent with parental responsibility you have the right to have a copy of his DLA award - something you could ask this organisation about.

w06

I'd wondered that too

If the main thing is the chair with 5 point harness, as much as it will rankle no doubt I'd be inclined to buy one - it won't cost all that much (relatively speaking compared to seeing your child), depends how big your son is but you'd be looking at less than £100 for a proprietary chest and shoulder harness from a specialist supplier that fits to standard chairs.

Not recommending this but if he were mine i'd be looking at one of these https://www.amazon.co.uk/Kids-Embrace-Friendship-Ultimate-Spider-Man/dp/B01E5GXQ4Q/ref=pd_bxgy_75_img_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=VNRZEEZ30BRQ5SAC2698 carefully secured to one of your chairs

elsien

How much input have you had with caring for your son up until now? I'm wondering if mum has some reservations (whether valid or not) about how well you understand your sons current physical care needs and is using the equipment as an excuse to avoid discussing the real reason.
is this something you are able to have a conversation about?

You also said "we" keep asking. Do you have a new partner, and might there be concerns around her supporting your son?

ITZJOK3RII

elsien wrote: »

How much input have you had with caring for your son up until now? I'm wondering if mum has some reservations (whether valid or not) about how well you understand your sons physical care needs and is using the equipment as an excuse to avoid discussing the real reason.
is this something you are able to have a conversation about?

before we broke up i was on top of everything with his care. from feeding to his physiotherapy, but since that she pushed me out for her new bloke and is even calling him dad in front of my son(which we cant prove). when i speak to the professionals they will tell me everything and are surprised she hasnt told me.

There was a incident between me and his mom where she lyed to my face about something even tho i was there when it happened and i didnt take it well, but i would never do anything to in danger my son. I do feel like in just an inconvenience to her and her new life.

LocoLoco

OP, there are places where you can buy second hand special needs equipment, eg

https://www.completecareshop.co.uk/reconditioned-bargains/childrens-equipment/

and others, have a bit of a google, it might be easier than trying to get your ex to help - sounds like a difficult situation.

If you're on Facebook there are all sorts of groups for parents of children with special needs and disabilities as well as buying/selling/swapping special needs equipment so it might be worth having a look on there as well if you can. Some people give stuff away when they no longer need it so you might even get a freebie

Also try contacting Cerebra if you haven't already, they help families with children with neurological difficulties. I think they used to loan equipment to people but I might be getting them confused with another group (sorry, brain is soupy these days!). But may be worth contacting for advice and suggestions of how to get equipment if you can't get the docs you need from the other parent. I hope you are able to get something sorted out, it is a shame when a parent tries to make things more difficult for the other one.

ITZJOK3RII

LocoLoco wrote: »

OP, there are places where you can buy second hand special needs equipment, eg


and others, have a bit of a google, it might be easier than trying to get your ex to help - sounds like a difficult situation.

If you're on Facebook there are all sorts of groups for parents of children with special needs and disabilities as well as buying/selling/swapping special needs equipment so it might be worth having a look on there as well if you can. Some people give stuff away when they no longer need it so you might even get a freebie

Also try contacting Cerebra if you haven't already, they help families with children with neurological difficulties. I think they used to loan equipment to people but I might be getting them confused with another group (sorry, brain is soupy these days!). But may be worth contacting for advice and suggestions of how to get equipment if you can't get the docs you need from the other parent. I hope you are able to get something sorted out, it is a shame when a parent tries to make things more difficult for the other one.

i do keep my eye on face book but there still out of my price range due to being on benafits so you see my problem but i will take a look at anything if it helps my son.

[Deleted User]

| KNOW it is very difficult with your ex.., and it is hard to deal with what feels like the unfairness of the situation. But I am afraid to make things easier you have to ignore the bad vibes/insults and just concentrate on your son.

I had the same with my ex. He was very angry for years, accused me of thieving from him, lying, all sorts. It hurt, but I didn't say a thing back because it would only have upset our son more than he already was. I knew none of it was true, that had to be enough. Even now, 15 years later I can't look at the man without remembering his words, but I never let anyone see that. Even now, I'd like to scratch his eyes out, but no one knows. I'm always the 'understanding' one cause I keep my thoughts to myself. Develop a barrier in your mind, lock the anger away behind it, concentrate on your son.

I would point out to your ex that she must need a bit of time/space to herself and you are happy to look after your son as you used to but you need her help. Just a copy of the DLA letter so you can get a decent chair/straps for him. Ignore the anger however unjustified and keep your tone of voice conciliatory (low). Keep saying, I just want to help in the way I can. Eventually it will get through.