What would you do?

view

We emigrated away from the UK last year. Although I'm from this country, I had lived very happily in the UK for nearly 14 years.

Reasons for moving - uncertainty in my OH's industry, pay cut, stagnant salary, no career progression and OH was looking for somewhere with more sunshine. OH was a bit fed up I guess and when they were offered a higher role, with a much healthier salary in sunnier climes, we went for it.

I was up for it too, why not try it out! Put a lot into organising the visa and sorting out details. We spent £22,000 moving here - many others spend over double that so although £22,000 is a huge amount we kept an eye on costs.

Here's the thing. Within two weeks I knew it was the wrong decision (for me). OH is doing wonderfully in their role. Colleagues are lovely, really enjoying the role, making some great positive changes and is really respected and liked by staff. The salary is double what he was earning in pounds and although it's not exactly cheap to live here I am able to take my time finding employment, looking after our wee one and settling into life. I know money is absolutely not the be all and end all it definitely helps to not worry about bills and have savings (for once!).

On paper it looks great. My heart just tells me it's wrong. I can't put it into words. I know I belong back in the UK. We've been here for nearly ten months now although I'm not spending every day secretly crying and scolding myself for ever doing this anymore, I'm in 'acceptance' mode but nothing has changed. I've thrown myself into meeting people, doing new things, we experience new things as a family each weekend.

Overall it's a lovely place to be - clean streets, lovely spacious parks, people are very friendly, helpful and very outdoorsy. We don't have a lot of savings but put some away trying to get a deposit for a home. As mentioned, OH loves the role and is really enjoying being here. I don't have much family, we are almost strangers and they are a long plane ride away anyway.

Thanks for staying with me so far!

Eventually this all came to a head and we had almighty rows about 'why did we bother to come here at all' (OH), 'we spent money that could have been for a house in the UK' (OH). I absolutely agree on all accounts. I can only say I did not know how I would feel living here until I did. I'm not from anywhere near the part we're living in and have never been to this city.

OH has now agreed that we can make a decision in just under two years about what to do. OH is not wanting to ever go back to UK. They are very worried about what BREXIT will do and worried about getting another job in their industry. I do have the same fears.

I ask for advice. Am I being utterly stupidly ridiculous?! Giving up a good salary, savings, OH loving it, good job, lovely country, nice lifestyle for potential struggle and no clear straightforward path back in UK.

I am just not happy inside. I cannot see myself, us, spending the rest of our days here. I pine for the UK. It's not 'homesickness' it's just the full comprehension that the UK is my true home.

I just wish I could say the salary, job, lifestyle outweighs the feeling of utter depression being here.

Very very grateful for any advice.

pinkshoes

Your dislike of being there is irrational.

You need to address WHY you are feeling like this.

It's just a country! You need to stop thinking about the negatives and focus on something else. Perhaps talking to someone about it.

What is it you miss so much about the uk?

Would moving to another area help?

Your OH is thriving. You could also do the same, but need to let go of the past.

Poor_Single_lady

She didn't say she dislikes it. She says she wants to be in the UK.

And she definately isn't being irrational.

And it's not just a country.

Missing your birth country is not something you can let go of.

If you don't plan on uprooting yourself But find yourself in that situation regardless it can be a major adjustment and maybe too much to get used to.

I don't know what the answer is in your case. But I do have sympathy. xx

Spendless

view wrote: »

We emigrated away from the UK last year. Although I'm from this country, I had lived very happily in the UK for nearly 14 years.

OH has now agreed that we can make a decision in just under two years about what to do. OH is not wanting to ever go back to UK. They are very worried about what BREXIT will do and worried about getting another job in their industry. I do have the same fears.

Isn't what OH has said a contradiction in terms? He's said that 'you (ie both of you) can make a decision in just under 2 years about what to do' but he doesn't want to ever return to the U.K.
What would be an alternative decision in 2 years time, moving to another country?

You've mentioned Brexit and I think you're opening paragraph contains a typo. I'm guessing it should read 'Although I'm not from this country, I've lived very happily in the UK for nearly 14 years' I was wondering if you had fears that because you're from another EU country you might not be able to return to the U.K unless you do it soon.

As I was typing this, I wondered if I'd misunderstood what you'd put and you mean you are originally from Australia but have been in the UK for nearly 14 years.

Tabbytabitha

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

She didn't say she dislikes it. She says she wants to be in the UK.

And she definately isn't being irrational.

And it's not just a country.

Missing your birth country is not something you can let go of.

If you don't plan on uprooting yourself But find yourself in that situation regardless it can be a major adjustment and maybe too much to get used to.

I don't know what the answer is in your case. But I do have sympathy. xx

She's living in her birth country at the moment!

balletshoes

what is it about the UK while you were living there which you long for? Can that not be replicated where you live now? Could you come back to the UK for a visit, see if that gives you another perspective now that you live somewhere else?

I have to say, I disagree with Poor Single Lady, to me a place is just a place, it can be "home", but it doesn't need to be the only place you'll ever feel is "home", regardless of the country you were born and raised in.

Poor_Single_lady

Yes I know. The OPs birth country isn't the UK.
But it is where she/he (didnt say) feels at home. So I am using the phrase birth country to encorporate the situation described but yes it isn't the OPs birth country,

i was using the phrase to make a more general point. That it's not something a lot of people are able to just shake off and move on from.

Poor_Single_lady

That's fine to disagree but having lived abroad I can say with complete certainty a place is not just a place.

view

Apologies for the confusion, my thoughts are jumping all over the place at the moment.

What I am saying is that I was NOT born in the UK however have moved back to my original home country. I never missed my original country in the entire time I lived in UK (14 years) and yet within weeks of being back in original country I knew I wanted to live back in the UK.

Going back nearly 15 years ago I moved to the UK after a 6 month holiday there and I knew within 15 minutes it was finally home. Although I lived happily enough in original country, I always felt there was much more.

It is very hard to put into words. Square peg, round hole. I hardly went out over summer here. The UV was 14. Most global UV scales do not even go that far. Humidity 90% and averaged 36+.

I used to walk 4 times a week in the lovely UK outdoors and loved it. Went out a few times here and either was bitten alive by mozzies or sunburnt at 8am. I have experienced a lot of sexism and ageism looking for work. Not that it does not exist in the UK, I just never personally experienced it over the near 14 years. I miss the humour, the banter. Watching global news (I can see it online of course). Lots of people here, although lovely, seem very keen to tell you how many houses they have, what they paid and details of their salaries. What new car they will buy and showing off jewellery. Just seems very competitive and I am not into that.

It is just different I guess. I can accept that. I just know deep down this country is not right for me. I feel more British I guess. I know rambling, there is a lot more to how I feel. I just struggle to put it into words.

Thank you for input already.

As my thoughts are jumbled I guess I just cannot see if walking away from this great opportunity could be the stupidest thing I have ever done in my life despite feeling extremely unsettled. I am thinking of my OH and their happiness. We have taken an only grandchild away and although you have to live your own life, it is our childs only grandparent too so I feel sadness.

My OH said they will never move back (originally) however after rows and lots of discussion they have agreed we can make a decision about IF we do.

gettingtheresometime

Wasn't there a thread a few months ago where the wife wanted to emigrate, the hubby said leave it unti X, X arrived & the hubby admitted he never wanted to emigrate?

Is it the place or the country? If you hate the place, you might like a different area.

view

I have not really been on the site for quite a while so I have not seen the thread. Will look it up.

Hate. No. Definitely not. I can see lots of positives. Just feel so out of sorts and like a round peg in a square hole. It might be a fantastic country for so many others, I just know it is not for me. I think I have worked out for me personally learning what I do not like is more helpful than what I think I might.

I just need to figure out if moving on to the UK (you cannot go back / back does not exist) is a ridiculous moment of madness given the great opportunities here. Is a fantastic opportunity for my OH and family worth my sadness/acceptance this is now my life forever.

Thanks for input all.