What would you do?

Poor_Single_lady

why would a new area help though. What the OP is saying is that the UK is where she wants to be even though where she is now is great.

The way it was for me was a lot like the previous poster writing about her mum in Australia.

To maybe explain it- I think it's a bit like trying to replace your husband/wife overnight with a new husband and the new one is great and kind and polite but he just isn't right and it just doesn't fit. Even though absolutely nothing is wrong. And you definately don't feel any hate or ill feeling - you just want the one you had.
It wouldn't make a difference to try a new husband because only the old one was right.

Happier_Me

My previous comment wasn't meant to be hurtful but as you put it more food for thought. My point was that it will be a bigger transition for your husband if he's settled into his new home AND he has the added pressure of securing the main wage to support your family unit back in the UK. It seems like a big ask! If you do still want to relocate in the future then you are more likely to get his agreement if you can share that responsibility or even take the lead in making the move to the UK happen. In the meantime do your best to embrace your new life to see if you can make it your home!

CRANKY40

Maybe you need a longer term plan. If your OH is making enough money for you to save then save hard with the ultimate goal being to move back to the UK with enough funds to not have to worry if he can't find a job,

Try and look upon your input now as part of your job. You don't like it that much but it's something that you have to do to secure your future. Maybe you could look at saving enough to part pay for a UK home then rent it out so you are sure you have a UK base for the future. That way, when you next talk you can agree a more realistic timescale for things.

FBaby

I was up for it too, why not try it out!

It might be unfair to say this but if you'd been that happy in the UK, knowing about your country -surely, even if you've grown up in a different part, you would have known what the weather and lifestyle was where you are now- you wouldn't have been up for it and certainly not spent £22K to just try it out for under 12 months.

Without undermining your feelings because they are what they are, if I were your OH, I would be utterly frustrated with your attitude. Because of the above and because you can't really give a real reason for wanting to go back.

I'm wondering whether the problem is you being home with your little one and needing to be working to expand your horizon. Maybe you feel isolated in unfamiliar surroundings.

It's not 'homesickness' it's just the full comprehension that the UK is my true home.

If that was the case, then you would have known when you were there and wouldn't have agreed to move in the first place. I think what you are describing is exactly what homesickness is. It takes a long time to adjust to a new country. I've lived in three different ones, and both times I moved, it took more than a year to feel at home there. It was very odd when I felt so homesick for my home country when I first moved, yet when I moved the third time, it's the second country I felt homesick for, the one that felt that it was my true home. I'm pretty certain that if I moved again and felt homesick, it would be for the UK. So no, I don't believe there is a 'true' home but it takes a long time to make our new home feel like ours.

I definitely think you need to give it longer and then go away on holiday and come back to maybe feel for the first time that you are coming home.

sheramber

A friend was desperate to move to Australia so he and his wife and son and family sold up and emigrated when he retired.

His wife didn't settle. She was very shy and didn't make friends in Australia. She was very unhappy and wanted to return to UK.

After 3 years they returned to UK. Bought a new house, furnished it etc.

1year later they admitted it had been a mistake. They sold up, again, and returned to Australia and are still there.

humptydumptybits

sheramber wrote: »

A friend was desperate to move to Australia so he and his wife and son and family sold up and emigrated when he retired.

His wife didn't settle. She was very shy and didn't make friends in Australia. She was very unhappy and wanted to return to UK.

After 3 years they returned to UK. Bought a new house, furnished it etc.

1year later they admitted it had been a mistake. They sold up, again, and returned to Australia and are still there.

I know someone who did the same except they came back from Australia a second time. Messed up their kids as parents always seemed unsettled/unhappy plus changing schools, losing friends. When the eldest grew up he tried to go back to Australia but due to health issues wasn't able to and he suffered chronic depression. He is quite a sad character in his 50s now.

I think getting a job might help so if I was you I would keep plugging away at that. Hope it works out.

beckysheffield

Sounds like you are in Australia and it’s a much better place to live long term. Give it a few years and you will come back to the U.K. and feeling like a stranger and how things are so much easier where you live.

seven-day-weekend

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

That's fine to disagree but having lived abroad I can say with complete certainty a place is not just a place.

So can I. We lived in rural Spain for eight years, and whilst I liked living there, it was never 'home' and I never envisaged myself living there permanently. Nothing to do with reason or logic, just a gut feeling.

I feel for the OP. However, if her husband is adamant that he will 'never return to the UK', then there are only three options, as far as I can see.

1. Stay in the country they live in now, as a couple.
2. Move to another country, or another part of the country they are in now, as a couple.
3. She return to the UK alone (which presumably will be the end of the marriage).

If A or B is chosen, then she will somehow have to try to make it home. I don't know how you do this.

Archergirl

I find it odd that we don't know where view actually is.....
I know 2 lots of people who emigrated to Oz came back and went again, one couple twice, they call them boomerang Brits over there.....
I have traveled extensively and I think the only other place I could live is Oz, every where else I do feel like a foreigner.

liuhutOz

Archergirl wrote: »

I find it odd that we don't know where view actually is.....
I know 2 lots of people who emigrated to Oz came back and went again, one couple twice, they call them boomerang Brits over there.....
I have traveled extensively and I think the only other place I could live is Oz, every where else I do feel like a foreigner.

Its Ping Pong Poms that we are known as!
I moved to Australia 9 years ago. I could have gone home every day the first year, and now I'm settled its very rare that I get homesick, although I did feel it when the wedding was on.