My mother is starting to forget things - any advice?

jimbob_3

Hi,

just looking for some advice and reassurance really - so please feel free to move this if needed.

Just spent the weeknd with my mother (who is in her late 60's) and i was shocked to see how much older she had got since i last saw her about 5 weeks ago.

The things that brought it home were two memory lapses

on one day we had a 10 min coversation about something, which she then started tell me about again the next day.

secondly, she was trying out some mobile phones to find one she could use easily. She phoned her home and left a message to herself. The next day she asked me if i could recognize who had left the message as she had forgotten she had done it herself and couldnt recognize the voice.

Now i know that we often forget that we have told people things, and she may have not have recognized her own voice too clearly esp as her hearing is starting to go a little, but i am worried that this is the start of a more serious decline and what is the best thing to do in these situations.

Would people think it is better to let her know when she has already told me something recently, with the risk she might get upset or embarrassed, or just treat it as if it were the first time she had told me? Or any other ideas?

Also can anybody recommend any websites or groups that either i or her could look at/join to try and get more advice/support etc

thanks

tsstss7

jimbob wrote: »

Hi,

just looking for some advice and reassurance really - so please feel free to move this if needed.

Just spent the weeknd with my mother (who is in her late 60's) and i was shocked to see how much older she had got since i last saw her about 5 weeks ago.

The things that brought it home were two memory lapses

on one day we had a 10 min coversation about something, which she then started tell me about again the next day.

secondly, she was trying out some mobile phones to find one she could use easily. She phoned her home and left a message to herself. The next day she asked me if i could recognize who had left the message as she had forgotten she had done it herself and couldnt recognize the voice.

Now i know that we often forget that we have told people things, and she may have not have recognized her own voice too clearly esp as her hearing is starting to go a little, but i am worried that this is the start of a more serious decline and what is the best thing to do in these situations.

Would people think it is better to let her know when she has already told me something recently, with the risk she might get upset or embarrassed, or just treat it as if it were the first time she had told me? Or any other ideas?

Also can anybody recommend any websites or groups that either i or her could look at/join to try and get more advice/support etc

thanks

Hi

You may not be able to draw too many conclusions from the lapses above yet but keep an eye on her and if you feel she has early onset alzheimer'stry and get her to see a dr asap - I know someone who works with aalzheimer's patients and early intervention can make all the difference.

Hopefully shde was just having a few silly moments - I've often had people relay stories to me more than once - so it is not uncommon esp. if under any form of stress.

hope she is ok.

Miró

Can you persuade your mother to see her GP? My aunt, (similar age), went from being lively, bright and active to being forgetful and confused in a matter of weeks. It turned out that she had an underactive thyroid which we were told can often happen as people get older. Once the correct dosage of thyroxene was established she improved tremendously. Just might be worth checking out??

hellies

I would take her to her GP asap, if she has the start of dementia there is medication for certain dementias and alzheimers that if taken early enough can really slow down the process. Does she have relatives/cose friends that live close to her that could keep an eye on her, to ensure her safety and also to keep you informed of any other incidents?

As for knowing how to deal with it, I would deal with in a jokey sense while her memory is still ok-ish, to prevent the embarrassement but also preparing her and getting her used to the idea that she may have the start of a problem. When/if her short term memory gets worse I would just let the repeating go over your head, all it will do if you constantly challenge her is stress you both out.

I had 2 grandparents who had alzheimers and I work in older peoples mental health dept at a hospital so I have seen the whole process many times. I have also seen a lot of success stories for people who get medication and help early enough. Feel free to pm me if you need anymore advice or would like me to try to find anything out for you.

jimbob_3

Thanks for all the advice so far

spoke to my siblings and they thought i was over reacting - which hopefully i am- but good idea to get her to talk to the doc. She has appointment booked for something else anyway so i will try and get her to mention it then.

Her mother (my gran) was fine until her late 80's but her dad (my grandad) was affected much earlier.

thanks for the offer hellies - ill maybe do that after ive spoken to her, (unless you think i should find out a bit more before i talk to her??)

Mojisola

I do sympathise - been there, got the T-shirt!

Get to a GP asap. Apart from the possibility of hypothyroidism, any underlying problem such as a bladder infection can cause mental disruption in the elderly.

If there are no other medical problems, you must push for her to be tested. In our area, the clinic is called the Memory Clinic which sounds nicer than Dementia. You may have problems with the GP as it's likely your Mum will perform perfectly in front of him/her! It took nearly a year for our GP to be convinced and I wish I'd pushed harder.

There's a very simple test used - the Mini Mental State Examination - which shows up problems and allows the doctor to track any deterioration/improvement.

Our clinic uses this one: https://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/40000152/

Best of luck!

miserly_mum

I would agree with everyone that it would do no harm to persuade your Mum to see her GP

However my Mum was doing stuff like that for years and years and had still not developed Dementia when she died at 82.

She used to repeat stuff all the time and I just told the kids not to interrupt or tell her she'd already told us it before. We all just got used to it.

She was obsessed with losing her purse and used to hide it then forget where she'd hid it. Kids used to love it cause they got 50p to find it.

Was forever walking into a room and forgetting what she'd went in for. In most cases its just a part of growing older. Our memories just aren't as good. Not making little of it but it might not necessarily be as bad as you think.

Its very easy to ring a wrong number from a mobile and how often do we get to hear our own voice on a phone?

p00pieb0tt0m

If you think your Mum probably wouldn't tell the doctor, you can ring the doctors surgery and ask to speak to him/her. Of course the doctor wouldn't tell you anything about your Mum, but you can tell the doctor about her.

Also enquire at your work about special leave, maybe you could go to the doctors with her.

morg_monster

I see one of my friends a couple of times a week at an exercise class and she is always telling me things she told me the last time we met! We're both 26 and our faculties are fine. So definitely take on board what those above have said, and try to get her to the GP if she agrees, but also remember that in isolation these are fairly minor incidents that can happen to anyone of any age. People's memories do get worse as they get older, it can be a sign of dementia, but also it can just be a sign of getting old. try not to worry TOO much about it.

kittyscarlett

There are many potential medical reasons for confusion/short term memory loss apart from Alzheimers, a lot of them non serious or easily treatable - ie urine/chest infection. I don't think you are over reacting but you need to be sensitive with your mum, and just keep an eye out for any further problems without getting over worried. I would advise you to have a quiet chat with your mum's GP and voice your concerns. You also might like to take a look at the Alzheimers Society website : http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/ and find out where your local branch is - not because your mum has Alzheimers necessarily but they are very good at putting people's minds at rest woth this sort of thing and also advising about the signs and symptoms of different kinds of older people's mental health issues

Floss

I think your best options would be to
a) convince your siblings to try & spend some time with your mum, then to see how they feel she is (however, they may deny noticing anything wrong - we never like to think of our parents developing illness).
b) go with your mum to the Dr's, and discuss the problems you have experienced.

My mum experienced memory loss, which developed into using the wrong words for things. It is very hard, and you have to try to keep as calm as possible, even if they forget who you are when you go to make a cuppa. We used to tease mum, which was ok when she was well, but she would get quite cross that we couldn't understand her sometimes.

Fingers crossed it's something treatable, and :grouphug: to you

Love Floss xx