Feeling failed by our wedding venue

Jw84

Hi,

I’m wondering if anyone could give me any advice and see if I’m doing the right thing standing my ground here.

Me and my wife got married towards the end of last year and we paid a really significant amount to hire a venue, rent on site accommodation as did our friends and family which wasn’t cheap and used the caterers which they’d suggested to use as they work closely with them.

Without going into too much detail we were very on the ball with everything and gave all the timings, details etc to the venue well in advance but they let us down is a number of ways. The venue wasn’t ready for us when we arrived to set up the day before as they’d taken a last minute wedding on the day before hand so we’re on the back foot, we suffered as a result and weren’t finished setting up until well into the evening when our family and friends had arrived. They had the wrong timings and if not picked up on by the bar manager at around 10:00pm the evening before hand we effectively would not have got married as they had the ceremony down as 15:00 instead of 13:00, same story for the wedding breakfast. They were overall very rude, nobody on site knew where any of our guests were staying so I spent most of my time dealing with this (effectively working for them for free) along with directing delivery drivers with stock orders around the site as they were struggling to get hold of and find the managers/owners as much as I was. Overall, a very operationally challenged venue.

They were very un-apologetic about all of this. My wife (bride on her wedding day) was also a faced with a family member of the owners to tell her about an on-going family feud about the venue and money!! However this wasn’t as distressing about seeing her in tears the day before. Not at all what we expected, wanted or paid for.

By the end of our stay we just wanted to get out of there, with absolutely no interest in returning. It felt so upsetting we couldn’t bring ourselves to get in touch with them to express how we felt as we genuinely expected them to come back with a snide response due to their manor in the first instance and didn’t want to re-live the ordeal.

In the end I sent a lengthy overview of our experience to give them an opportunity to respond and do something to put it right rather than me just giving a public review.

They did respond, apologise and offer us a night’s accommodation. Bearing in mind the thought of returning brings back some rather unfond memories I’ve declined and suggested that due to the multiple failings that I fail to see how our experience should be seen as a profit making excersise and we should be provided some form of refund.

To be honest I don’t know what else I can really do as they’ve not responded in four weeks and I’m not holding out a lot of hope. I don’t know whether there’s anything I can do legally or otherwise. I’d rather not be one to give the place a slating on review sites etc and have it dealt with in a manor which resolves our issues, makes us feel better about our wedding day (currently it feels like a dark cloud because of the venue) and gives them some insight as to how they need to run a tighter ship.

Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated!

davidwood681

How much are you after?

TBagpuss

If you want them to give you a refund, be specific in your complaint to them about how much, and why.

For instance:

When you booked, was it on the basis that you would have access to 'set up' the night before? Do you have written confirmation that your booking started the previous day? If so, then it would be reasonable to ask for a refund to reflect the fact that you didn't have the venue for the full period you paid for. However, if the booking was for the wedding day and you were simply told that they would allow access early if possible., or that they would try to do so, then it probably isn't reasonable to expect anything back for that.

In terms of the timing of the ceremony, it sounds as though there was an error which was picked up on and fixed at the time.

The issue with delivery drivers wasn't any of your business, so while I think you are fine to mention it, it isn't something that it would be reasonable to expect a refund for, unless you are saying that your ceremony was interrupted by people looking for an employee.

marliepanda

Had you agreed with them you could have the day before to set up? Its not normal that you book the day but also block out the day before to set up things.

Jw84

Thanks for the speedy responses. Yes the agreement with us and all bookings with this venue is that it!!!8217;s yours from (I believe) midday which was stated to us in email. We arrived a little later to give them time more than anything, so got there at 1.30 and the venue wasn!!!8217;t ready for us.

In terms of a value, it!!!8217;s difficult. As I would say whatever margin they were making is what I would expect to have returned. Without knowing this I!!!8217;m a little in the dark.

I agree regarding a hat was fixed, if this was the only issue I probably wouldn!!!8217;t grumble but it!!!8217;s more that there was a bigger picture of a catalogue of problems and lack of care that gives us a big black cloud when we look back on the wedding which is really saddening and deflating when it should be full of happy memories surely?

[Deleted User]

It wouldn't be reasonable for them to return all profit they make from their operations.

But there doesn't seem to be any amount that will blow away the big black cloud you keep seeing, so I would say you're looking for a modest goodwill gesture.

Savvy_Sue

if they gave you a partial refund, would it make your memories any happier?

If not, you need to work on your memories. The phrase "One day we'll laugh about this" may help, with this and future disasters. And although trite, "every cloud has a silver lining" also has some truth - look for the silver lining.

I'm not wanting to minimise the stress of the day, but I think people get hung up about 'the day'. My DH always says the the absolute worst way to start a marriage is with a wedding, and I don't think he's wrong ...

In your case, it wasn't how you imagined, but you and the bride pulled together, perhaps with members of your families, and the important thing happened: you are married, legally. And you nearly weren't because someone got the time of the ceremony wrong.

OK, so you were tired from not being able to tie frilly bows on the backs of the chairs as early in the day as you'd have liked (or whatever setup was involved), but the important thing happened: you are married, legally.

I've been involved in a few near disastrous weddings but the important thing happened: the happy couple were married by the end of the day.

PeacefulWaters

Their profit is irrelevant and not really your business.

Are you out of pocket for anything? Ask for it back.

How much would you value your disappointment at? £500?

Gavin83

Jw84 wrote: »

Thanks for the speedy responses. Yes the agreement with us and all bookings with this venue is that it!!!8217;s yours from (I believe) midday which was stated to us in email. We arrived a little later to give them time more than anything, so got there at 1.30 and the venue wasn!!!8217;t ready for us.

Sorry, just to be clear here was the agreement it would be ready for you from midday the day before your wedding or the day of your wedding?

Aylesbury_Duck

They offered a night's accommodation. What would that cost you to buy because it is probably a reasonable gesture in value terms in my opinion.

I agree with one of the suggestions above and make light of it. Take up their offer of the night's accommodation and ask if they'll throw in an evening meal and bottle of champagne as a way of "recreating" some of what you feel you missed out on. I think it's sad that you feel unable to go back because that must mean you don't want to remember your wedding day. There are two ways of dealing with that: Have a "Wedding II" event and make some better memories, or have some fun with the wedding disaster story that will live with you both forever.

Mrs_Imp

Definitely agree with making light of things. Our wedding day could've been completely spoiled, but we laugh about the absent bridesmaid, the wrong size jacket sent by the suit hire company, the flowers that nearly weren't (member of staff at the shop legged it with the order book), horizontal rain, dress that burst at the seams, bride who was extremely late due to an awful traffic jam, mispronounced names, broken car, fire alarm going off (the list continues a fair bit). But we had an amazing day, and I got to marry Mr Imp.

Take their offer, ask for a meal and some wine, and enjoy it. Have a giggle about everything (we do), and focus on the important bit - you got to marry the one you love.