Advice needed on separation/divorce!!

45012168

Hi there!

My partner and I have been together for 8 years. We have had a religious marriage ceremony only that is not recognised in British law. We have 3 children together. We live together under common law. The problem is he is married from before however he has been separated and has no contact/communication with his ex-wife since the time we been together. By the way I did not break his house before the assumptions fly in, he had an arranged marriage he was not happy with. So anyway, he has not divorced her due to some stupid cultural issues (not his choice!).

I recently found out that if you have been seperated more than 5 years then a divorce can take place without the other person or something. Is this possible? We want to be registered as married in British law however need this past headache sorted without any family involvement and issues! I’m sorry some of u probably thinking why can’t he just send her a divorce but to put it simply he has been told he will be cut off from all his family and kids from before and neither of us want that kind of emotional setbacks or blackmail.

Any advice would be great!

45012168

I would also like to claim my rights as his wife, rather than any complications (financial etc) that may arise in future which would give his ex wife the rights over me.

elsien

The divorce after 5 years is to do it without the consent of the spouse. It doesn't mean he can divorce her without bothering to tell her as she need to acknowledge the forms or he needs to demonstrate that they have been served.

45012168

I understand that she has to acknowledge it. Does it also mean she cannot dispute it or refuse to divorce any grounds? They have had no communication since last 8 years - they have separate finances etc and there is nothing to suggest she has any ground to refuse a divorce.

elsien

She can't refuse the divorce after 5 years (presuming it's a UK marriage?)
https://www.gov.uk/divorce

However you mention in your OP that he'll be cut off from his family and kids from before. So there will be financial arrangements to be made, potentially child maintenance etc - is he not already paying this? And won't the issues of the family objecting still apply? Not that that's a reason not to, but if he wouldn't divorce her before because of cultural reasons does that not still apply?

rach_k

Does his ex want to stay married or is it external pressure? She will have to be involved at some point so it might be worth him getting in touch with her and asking her whether she would like to divorce quietly without involving family. She might want to move on too! She can continue to use her married name, if she uses one, and any child maintenance can continue as before. I don't know how family/the local community would even find out if they were discreet about it.

Mojisola

45012168 wrote: »

My partner and I have been together for 8 years.

We have had a religious marriage ceremony only that is not recognised in British law.

We have 3 children together.

We live together under common law.

he problem is he is married from before

There is no such thing as a common law relationship - you are just people sharing a house.

If he hasn't got a water-tight will, there's a good chance his wife will inherit everything when he dies.

Unless he has you down on his medical records as his next of kin, if he became very ill, his family could swoop in with his wife - who would be counted as his next of kin - and you could be completely shut out of any decision-making and even prevented from seeing him.

onomatopoeia99

Mojisola wrote: »

Unless he has you down on his medical records as his next of kin, if he became very ill, his family could swoop in with his wife - who would be counted as his next of kin - and you could be completely shut out of any decision-making and even prevented from seeing him.

Doctors make decisions about treatment, not "next of kin", all they get to be is informed.

A patient can nominate anyone to be kept informed by doctors on admittance and / or carry a card that states who they wish to be informed if they are not able to communicate this. e.g. https://www.royalfree.nhs.uk/patients-visitors/advice-and-support/next-of-kin/

Mojisola

Mojisola wrote: »

Unless he has you down on his medical records as his next of kin, if he became very ill, his family could swoop in with his wife - who would be counted as his next of kin - and you could be completely shut out of any decision-making and even prevented from seeing him.

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Doctors make decisions about treatment, not "next of kin", all they get to be is informed.

A patient can nominate anyone to be kept informed by doctors on admittance and / or carry a card that states who they wish to be informed if they are not able to communicate this.

That's what I said.

Maybe hospitals vary but, as Dad's NOK, I was the one who was asked whether they should go ahead with operations that were possible and whether he should be resuscitated or not if the situation arose.

paddy's_mum

She is not his 'ex-wife' and with three children and no matrimonial rights, you and your children are in an incredibly risky situation.

Do his family not know of the existence of you and his children with you? If the worst happened and he suddenly dropped dead, would his family support you or cast you out into the world abandoned and alone?

The best advice that anyone can give you is to seek competent legal advice. In my view, you cannot afford not to.

Good luck.

gingercordial

Your partner needs to know that "divorce" has several steps.

1. Legal ending of the marriage - yes, after five years of separation this can be done without the other spouse's consent, but of course they will know about it because they will be served paperwork. This would mean he was free to marry you.

2. Financial split - the above would mean they are no longer married but does not sever any financial ties. That would mean if he won the lottery or had a big inheritance she could demand a share. If she can't work any more in the future she could ask the court to make him pay maintenance. If they own any property together that would not be split. She could have a claim on his pension etc. Therefore he also needs to ask for a financial settlement which will need her input as they will have to come to an agreement or else go to court to have it decided by a judge. You (as the new partner) really do not want him to miss this part out as even if you are married she could have a claim on his/your assets. So he's going to have to talk to her.

3. The children - child maintenance and access should be agreed separately with their interests coming first.

You're in a very precarious position as the new partner until all of the above is sorted out.