Can you voluntarily put your child up for adoption?

TensandUnits

Well, one child seems perfectly ok, so presumably it's not the parent who is at fault. There may be something wrong with the boy which necessitates him being in a more controlled or secure environment.

Tygermoth

Not necessarily - both children can have issues with parenting one can just accommodate/hide it better.

We have a family black sheep and if they could have put him care they would have.

The other brother was just smarter he just worked the parents in a different way. Rather than acting out was more manipulative and scheming while looking whiter than white - out of the two he was significantly more dangerous while being perceived as being the 'good child'

He grew up into the most mentally abusive, vicious, nasty, morally bankrupt person with a victim complex - while portraying himself as anything but.

The black sheep met a good lady, grew out of it and turned his life around.

PasturesNew

TensandUnits wrote: »

Well, one child seems perfectly ok, so presumably it's not the parent who is at fault.

It doesn't work like that. A recent episode of Desperate Parents, Violent Child had a naughty boy and his OK sister. The problem there was, in part, because the mother had told the father to stay out of discipline and she'd handle his bad behaviour entirely - and it was because his father was kept at a distance and he didn't see the parents as a "unit of two" that were causing his problems.

There was other stuff there too, such as the father and son had never done anything together - as he was a "naughty boy", the girl'd go out shopping with the mother, but the boy hadn't ever been taught (by his dad) to ride a bike or (with his dad) to swim. The programme got them going out together to do that "manly bonding stuff".

Every situation is more complex than one problem ... it's never one thing, it's how 100 things fit together, or not.

In that episode of the programme it was the parenting choices and styles that were the problem/cause and it was fixed.

buildersdaughter

It is complex, but your friend needs to begin with Social Services or one of their partner agencies and let them know how absolutely desperate he is. And his other child will not be taken into care unless a very compelling reason is found.
Exactly how Social Services work with the family will depend on their assessment, and none of us knows exactly what will be offered - but there will be a chance for a full assessment of the child & the family, and if need be, a chance for some respite.
I would not, at this stage, go to the GP, unless he suspects a clear medical reason. That is because he needs support quickly.
He can ring Social Services directly - and if need be, begin by talking to their helpline anonymously. The other route would be through a support worker at the child's school. Please do this quickly - there are alarm bells ringing here. I am slightly surprised that the police haven't already put in a referral, but we don't know exactly what has been said.
Adoption is, honestly, a red herring. He can get help in managing his child at home, ask for respite care for his child whilst retaining parental responsibility - there are a lot of options.

pinkshoes

What interventions have been put in place so far?

Parenting courses? Social services involvement? Adoption would be an absolute last resort when all else had been tried.

My brother was a nightmare and my parents took to hill walking with him at weekends. Fresh air, physical exercise and time together certainly helped! And best of all he couldn't just do a runner when on a big hill in the middle of no where!!

JIL

I know every case is different, but an acquaintance of mine fosters children, she had the youngest boy of three brothers. The mother could not cope with him. The boys were aged five, four and nearly three. The youngest came to stay with her, she was advised he was naughty and disruptive. Amazing what a bit of love and ground rules did. He came on leapts and bounds.
He visited his brothers, that was part of the arrangement of the fostering. His speech and behaviour as well as his manners and physical abilities were noticibly better than that of his older brothers.
No child is born bad, sometimes they have different needs and help is available not just for the child.
I hope that your friend is able to get the help that is obviously required.

Ms_Chocaholic

Many of the issues are as a result of poor parenting rather than a bad child.

TBagpuss

A child is not born bad but if they have been perceived as such from birth or a very young age then they are likely to live down to the expectations their parent(s) have of them.

If he hasn't done so, your friend should contact his local social services department and ask for help. They may be able to offer support such as respite foster care, parenting support etc. Ultimately he could ask the local authority to accommodate the child (in effect, putting his son into care) however, it's unlikely that an 11 year old would be adopted, and bearing in mind that the Local Authority would have a duty of care for him, that they would want to maintain some form of contact with his sibling and wonder family. They couldn't force Dad so have contact but might have concerns about the other sibling.

Ms_Chocaholic

The LA are most likely to suggest that another family member cares for the child first and foremost and will ask the parents to offer details of who could care for the child. Foster care will be a very last resort.

TensandUnits

PasturesNew wrote: »

It doesn't work like that. A recent episode of Desperate Parents, Violent Child had a naughty boy and his OK sister.

In that episode of the programme it was the parenting choices and styles that were the problem/cause and it was fixed.

Television programmes are edited and scenes carefully selected to present to the viewers a certain point of view. I haven't seen the programme you're referring to and I'm not necessarily saying they are wrong, but you need to remember: tv is not reality.