Can you voluntarily put your child up for adoption?

Nathaniel_Essex

Just got off the phone with a close friend who is near breaking down and just told me he no longer loves his son.

Child is 11 and for as long as I remember has been a demon child since birth. He's turning 12 soon and he is constantly misbehaving to a point where his father fears for his and his daughters safety.

The child constantly sneaks out the house, fight with the daughter, causes arguments, gets in trouble with the police and vandalises the home.

Dad has told me that he has tried everything and recently tried ignoring the child, letting him do what he wants whilst him and the daughter confine themselves to their rooms or go out alone. Problem is, he does stuff that they can't ignore like turning up the TV to a point it bothers the neighbours or leaving the house if they do and getting himself on trouble.

He's had enough and says he wants to put the child up for adoption, sell and move house so he never sees him again. Is it simply a case of telling the council you no longer want the child and essentially dumping him on them?

Spendless

You've not mentioned the Mum, is she on the scene?

badmemory

Are social services involved? If he is in so much trouble I would expect them to be. Has he made it clear that the son could be endangering his sister? And as Spendless says what about the Mum is she not around?

FreddieFrugal

Has your friend tried getting support and advice from a family support worker or similar?

Detroit

The answer to your question is yes, your friend could voluntarily hand their child over to the authorities.

However, he should be under no illusions that the child will be adopted into another family and everyone will get on with their lives. The child will go into the care system.

This can be difficult enough for children where there is no option, but at 11 the child would understand the situation, and it is possible they would grow up with serious long term issues.

While your friend is obviously feeling desperate, giving up on his child should be an option of last resort. Parenting is not easy, but it's what he signed up for and its not a job to quit before trying everything in his power (with appropriate support) to make work.

While the child sounds challenging, it does seem the family is locked in a good child bad child scenario, guaranteed to exacerbate poor behaviour in the 'bad' child. Some of the actions seem attention seeking, and others are easily fixed with some parental action (turns up the tv? Remove the fuse.)

There is help available, a quick Google will give you parenting support charities if your friend doesn't want to involve statutory services initially.

System

You give up one child for adoption and the social services will question your suitability to be a good enough parent to the remaining child.

Fireflyaway

If the child is this challenging have they no sought parenting support? There may be underlying behavioural issues or the dad might just need some parenting tips? Kids can be very challenging at this age, especially when they start secondary school they can change almost overnight. I'd suggest speaking to the council as they might well have access to a local family centre or family information service. Its sounds like life really is tough but this kid could change. Placing him in care might well ruin the relationship forever and set the boy on an even worse path. My guess is he might not be adopted at that age but fostered or placed in a group home. That might mean being moved several times before adulthood. You cant just relinquish your parental status when things get tough. There is help out there and a good chance this can be turned around.

Pollycat

badmemory wrote: »

Are social services involved? If he is in so much trouble I would expect them to be. Has he made it clear that the son could be endangering his sister? And as Spendless says what about the Mum is she not around?

FreddieFrugal wrote: »

Has your friend tried getting support and advice from a family support worker or similar?

Key questions that require answers.

pollypenny

The guy needs to contact both GP and social services as a matter of urgency.

That he asks the question suggests that he is not getting any help. He needs to before undertaking such extreme action.

Doodles

You say your friend has tried everything, has your friend taken the child to the doctor or specialists, or has he been diagnosed with any condition that would explain the behaviour?

GwylimT

My sons birth parents dumped him into the care system as they found parenting a child was too difficult as he had to be told to behave and have good behaviour modelled, it is asthough they thought children were born knowing and obeying rules. Due to being incapable of raising children due to this attitude their subsequent children were removed.

No one is allowed to put their child up for adoption in the UK as private adoptions are not legal, parents can however put their children into care.