Who pays?

TBagpuss

OK, if you feel the agents fees are excessive then you are free to say so, and as part of the spearation agreement to propose that you pay £x towards those fees and he pays £y, where £x is 50% of the fees the 'normal' package would costs (or 50% of what your preferred agetns would charge ) and £y is the balance.

Similarly, you are free to shop around and find a cheaper conveyancing quote, and then propose that you use the cheaper conveyancer or that he foots the bill for the difference.

In terms of the sale, there is no reason this can't go ahead before the separation agreement is signed, the sale proceeds can be held by the conveyancers until that happens, although some solicitors will decline to act unless they have written instructions about how to split the funds, as they don't want to be left holding funds with no end in sight while you argue over them!

I would recommend that you separate out the additional cost of things he has done, from yout annoyance that he is trying to make choices without out you, and focus on the costs.

Also, speak to the agents. Who knows, you might be able to negotiate a lower cost. Once they know that you are a joint owner and that he won't be able to sell without you, it becomes in their interests for you to come on board. in most cases, the agents get paid nothing if they don't sell the house, so it is in their interests to sell, and sell for the best price.

You can also make clear to them that you are looking for the best price, not for a quick sale.

EachPenny

Comms69 wrote: »

<snip>
What has your child having autism got to do with it?

He's a bad dad, fair enough. he DOES NOT owe you a break.
<snip>

But he does owe his child something, and as far as the courts are concerned near the top of the list would be a roof over their head. I'm surprised the OP's solicitor isn't seeking to have the ex moved out of the jointly owned home so the OP and child can live in it until the child reaches 18. About the only reason not to do this is if there is an affordability issue.

In that context, the child's autism is a very relevant factor as it potentially impacts on the OP's ability to work and earn money to pay for accommodation etc. The court would place considerable emphasis on the child's needs, in particular having a stable and assured place to live. The OP doesn't say, but I assume her immediate plans are to live in a rental property, that is less satisfactory than remaining in the owned family home.

Unfortunately the costs of going through a court case are likely to be disproportionate to the benefit the OP can achieve, but if the ex ends up with only a single pound of the net proceeds of the house sale then they will have got a very good deal.

Also, placing a jointly owned property on the market without the partner's consent is a common tactic in divorce cases.... a solicitor might even suggest it as a way of pushing things forward. Other people might call it bullying.

lookstraightahead

I split from my husband nearly 20 years ago and he too was actually a nightmare but on a forum you are going to get a plethora of views and I made the mistake of listening and arguing my point over and over again. You will never convince people one way or another and only you can judge the situation for yourself however well meaning folk might be. Usually their perspective is based on their own experience, and often lack of it too, and separation can be very wounding to all parties. I sit back now and realise what an emotional drain justifying myself was. Ended up in so much debt too. All I would say is be kind to yourself and take a route of the least emotional and financial pain. Do talk if you can. If you cannot then fair enough not all relationships are the same.

FBaby

What was the reason behind waiting for the separation to be signed before selling? Is it because you are hoping to get all the equity or at least more than 50/50? You need to speak to your solicitor about what should happen to the money once the house is sold rather than distributed then, but surely the earlier it is sold, the better and ultimately, it is highly likely that the fees etc... would just have been deducted from the value before being distributed, regardless of when the house was sold.

So it's not very clear why it matter so much to you.

Laura327

It was not me who said that the house should not be sold before the separation agreement is signed it was my solicitor. This is all new to me so I’m following my solicitors advice. All I have ever asked for is my fair share I am not holding out for everything all I am doing is following the advice given by my solicitor I have tried to talk to my ex amicably but he began threatening me via text and then saying I haven’t contributed to the mortgage since our child was born so i shouldn’t get any money ( I did contribute financially to the mortgage for 8 years out of the 11yrs we have had the the mortgage) and I should walk away and Sign over the house to him. In his opinion I am entitled to nothing and he will not negotiate anything else.

EachPenny

Laura327 wrote: »

...all I am doing is following the advice given by my solicitor I have tried to talk to my ex amicably but he began threatening me via text and then saying I haven’t contributed to the mortgage since our child was born so i shouldn’t get any money ( I did contribute financially to the mortgage for 8 years out of the 11yrs we have had the the mortgage)....

If it came to a contested financial remedy hearing in court (let's hope it doesn't) the court would take into account everything which has been put into the marriage. If you weren't contributing to the mortgage because you gave up work to look after your child then this would not be counted against you in determining what share each of you would be entitled to.

As I said in my previous post, the courts attach huge weight to the needs of any children over and above those of the parents. On the assumption your child will continue to live mainly with you, that places your ex at a disadvantage in the financial settlement.

That is probably the core reason for your solicitor advising on the sale of the house being delayed. If it happens now then the ex can take his half-share and make it 'vanish'. If he then refuses to come to a reasonable settlement in the separation agreement (and you have to take him to court) there will be nothing left for the court to split between you, which would make going to court even more pointless than it currently is. The solicitor's advice isn't unreasonable in the circumstances. Their job is to look out for your interests, and those of the child living with you.

You've mentioned the separation agreement, but are you also making plans to get divorced?

Laura327

Yes, the solicitor said once the separation agreement has been signed then divorce can follow quickly after (as the separation agreement outlines everything that will happen) which is what I’m hoping for. I’m as keen as he is to have this all done and dusted we have been separated for a year now and believe it or not things were quite amicable until the woman he left me for fell pregnant in December. I understand that they want this all sorted before their baby arrives but it really isn’t me holding things up it’s the fact in his mind he shouldn’t have to pay maintenance for our child and that I should receive nothing from the sale of the home. He earns £40k a year but claims he can’t afford maintenance, he was paying me £350 per month up until December then dropped it to £150. He is paying the mortgage on the house which he changed to interest only (£400 per month) when I left the home to live in a house owned by my grandfather.