Abusive wife - requesting crisis advice in London

DuvetCover

Hi,

I have a friend who has finally admitted that he's in an abusive relationship. In my opinion, his wife has a narcissistic personality disorder, in his she's just 'unstable'. Recently he's become stronger mentally and is at last considering that he could leave her although he has previously said he wouldn't until the children were older (they are both currently under 10). I believe therefore the abuse is slowly but surely escalating.

Could anyone please recommend a trusted family lawyer with whom my friend could chat? Gain even more confidence. South West London is as close as I'm going to give his location.

Any other pertinent advice for dealing long term with nice to outsiders/vindictive to husband type people would be appreciated. (Except the 'leave now' type advice. He's not going to do that just yet, maybe ever, and so needs avenues of help and support right now.).

Thanks in advance for reading this and any advice given.

DC

Rubik

I'm sorry that your friend is experiencing domestic abuse - my advice would be to focus on getting the appropriate support and help from a domestic violence organisation - Mankind provide free help and support, including a confidential helpline to amle victims of DV - http://www.mankind.org.uk/
Even though he says he doesn't want to leave, the safety of the children is paramount. He could apply for an emergency occupation order to have his wife removed from the family home, as well as a non-molestation order to prevent her from contacting or visiting him.

I can recommend an excellent family law solicitor in London - I won't do it here, you can PM me for the details.

If the children or he are in immediate danger, then to call 999.

Pollycat

Rubik wrote: »

I'm sorry that your friend is experiencing domestic abuse - my advice would be to focus on getting the appropriate support and help from a domestic violence organisation - Mankind provide free help and support, including a confidential helpline to amle victims of DV - http://www.mankind.org.uk/
Even though he says he doesn't want to leave, the safety of the children is paramount. He could apply for an emergency occupation order to have his wife removed from the family home, as well as a non-molestation order to prevent her from contacting or visiting him.

I can recommend an excellent family law solicitor in London - I won't do it here, you can PM me for the details.

If the children or he are in immediate danger, then to call 999.

I agree with the bit in bold.

Surely you go to see a solicitor for legal advice rather than a chat...and if he has no intention of leaving his wife, why would he need to see a solicitor?

NeilCr

Pollycat wrote: »

I agree with the bit in bold.

Surely you go to see a solicitor for legal advice rather than a chat...and if he has no intention of leaving his wife, why would he need to see a solicitor?

I agree, too.

It might, also, be worth looking to see if there is a local DV organisation. We have and it's good. And they have access to legal advice.

PeacefulWaters

There are narcissistic support groups on Facebook.

Make sure he accesses one that doesn't reveal his membership outside of the group.

From experience, leaving and minimising / removing all contact is the only way to move on from such a personality. My life improved dramatically when I did. Youngest was 17. In truth, I should have gone years earlier.

TBagpuss

Pollycat wrote: »

Surely you go to see a solicitor for legal advice rather than a chat...and if he has no intention of leaving his wife, why would he need to see a solicitor?

Its not uncommon for people in this sort of situation to want to get initial legal advice, as part of the process of ending the relationship, it can be very helpful.

Pollycat

TBagpuss wrote: »

Its not uncommon for people in this sort of situation to want to get initial legal advice, as part of the process of ending the relationship, it can be very helpful.

My comments were based on the bold part of the OP's post:

DuvetCover wrote: »

Hi,

I have a friend who has finally admitted that he's in an abusive relationship. In my opinion, his wife has a narcissistic personality disorder, in his she's just 'unstable'. Recently he's become stronger mentally and is at last considering that he could leave her although he has previously said he wouldn't until the children were older (they are both currently under 10). I believe therefore the abuse is slowly but surely escalating.

Could anyone please recommend a trusted family lawyer with whom my friend could chat? Gain even more confidence. South West London is as close as I'm going to give his location.

Any other pertinent advice for dealing long term with nice to outsiders/vindictive to husband type people would be appreciated. (Except the 'leave now' type advice. He's not going to do that just yet, maybe ever, and so needs avenues of help and support right now.).

Thanks in advance for reading this and any advice given.

DC

chesky

If your friend lives anywhere near Hounslow, there's something called the One Stop Shop which runs a drop in advice session on Wednesday mornings for victims of domestic violence of either gender. You can google it for further information.

Comms69

Report it to the police, the last thing he wants is for her to get in the first volley

Pollycat

Comms69 wrote: »

Report it to the police, the last thing he wants is for her to get in the first volley

I'm not sure how that fits with the "(Except the 'leave now' type advice. He's not going to do that just yet, maybe ever, and so needs avenues of help and support right now.).".
But I agree that he should have his young children's welfare as his first priority.
Even if the abuse is directed solely at him, is it likely that the children will be unaware of it?

Comms69

Pollycat wrote: »

I'm not sure how that fits with the "(Except the 'leave now' type advice. He's not going to do that just yet, maybe ever, and so needs avenues of help and support right now.).".
But I agree that he should have his young children's welfare as his first priority.
Even if the abuse is directed solely at him, is it likely that the children will be unaware of it?

The OP may mean well, but the friend will find himself accused of all sorts.


So I'm just ignoring the caveat. It's like saying How do I earn money without working. yes it's possible, but not for long.