Four year old will not poo on toilet

pandora205

Ah this is a common problem in young children, and in some cases the reason is power! So once the usual theories have been ruled out (not being ready, medical problems, being scared or uncomfortable, etc.), give this some thought. Young children don't have much control over their lives and in particular, over the adults around them but there are two things that are guaranteed to have a major impact over which the grown ups have little control. One is eating (or refusing food more commonly) and the other is eliminating (urinating and defecating). Both of these are almost guaranteed to get a reaction and are very difficult for adults to ignore.

So, the way to address this is to follow the low reaction matter of fact approach such as that advocated by rach_k above.

Paparika

The way i read it was it sounds like the poor little boy's bottom muscles are not pushing the poo out, he's not learn't that bit.

lilmiss1982

Sent you pm.

He might not like the sitting position and squatting maybe more comfortable for him.

moneyistooshorttomention

I've not got children - but I'm wondering whether you could try one or both out of:

- telling him the other children will laugh at him at school if he doesnt "act like a big boy now" - as they all will be

- (small) rewards for correct behaviour

Iamzee

It can be that the toilet is too high hence he could not poop on it. The correct pooping position is to squat.

SunnyCyprus

As long as all the medical reasons have been covered then it’s just reluctance on his part. Other tactics are needed!

There’s also nothing like being around older kids and copying them!
If there are older cousins around, or maybe a child minder with older children make sure your LO spends plenty of time with them. Making friends with bigger boys may well help him copy what they do.

Either that or plain old blackmail. A visit to a ‘big school’ and telling him that he won’t be allowed to go if he can’t do all the things big children do.

Kathy535

My daughter was exactly the same. She was very easy to potty train for wee but would only do a poo in her nappy. She had amazing control and once went for 9 days without a poo when I wouldn!!!8217;t put a nappy on her. This did mean that she would usually only poo at night. She did always ask to have the nappy on though, she didn!!!8217;t poo in her pants.

My mother, a childminder of many years, said she!!!8217;d seen it before in very strong willed children and it would sort itself out, she pointed out you didn!!!8217;t see any teenagers in nappies, which was not the helpful statement she meant have meant it to be - at that time i was convinced she!!!8217;d still be in nappies at 18! I am 100% convinced it was a control thing.

Anyway, it did resolve itself. At 51/2 she used the loo and we never had a problem again.

Personally, the bigger issue for me would be that he won!!!8217;t tell you when he needs a poo and does it in his pants. Can you reward him for letting you know he needs one, put a nappy on him, or pull ups and making a comment about how much nicer it is when he isn!!!8217;t sitting in poo? But treat the accidents with limited interaction and attention. So, he gets quality attention when he!!!8217;s done what you want and limited, basic attention when he!!!8217;s made a mess. I also like Rach!!!8217;s idea of getting him to do his own clean up but he might be a little young for that.

suejb2

If your son knows when he needs a poo, can you put a pull up on and do the deed in the bathroom or wherever the toilet is so the connection is there.

Each time he does a poo in his pull up let him know where the poo goes,even wave it bye bye!

With each successful poo and flush the next time take a step nearer. Place paper footsteps where he needs to stand. With the aim that he ends up on the toilet.

Is the seat a child's seat? He maybe scared that he may end up being flushed away. You can get a seat within a seat or a removable one.

Does he want privacy, ask him if he wants you to wait at the door.

Savvy_Sue

SunnyCyprus wrote: »

Either that or plain old blackmail. A visit to a ‘big school’ and telling him that he won’t be allowed to go if he can’t do all the things big children do.

I'm not denying the usefulness of blackmail, but I don't see how this example will work. Maybe he doesn't WANT to go to big school, and maybe he doesn't see anything big children do that he WANTS to do. Plus, schools cannot exclude children with continence problems.

I had my biggest problems with DS3, but one of the others gave me a brief period of difficulty. He was well potty trained, but on his first two visits to Nursery - which he loved - he pooed in his pants. Back in THOSE days, they could and did refuse to take children who were not fully trained.

So the first time he did it, I apologised profusely and said to him it wasn't OK to do that.

The SECOND time he did it, I just got an inkling it was the 'control' thing, and nursery said he only had one more chance - if he soiled his pants again he wouldn't be able to come any more. So I explained this to him, said that I knew he COULD poo in the toilet, and asked him to say sorry to the lady who had had to clean him up.

Well, it took a while, and I think she was ready to back down, but I wasn't, and eventually he said "sorry I pooed in my pants" and home we went.

He never did it again ...

So if the OP wants to adopt the 'blackmail' option, then I'd find something he actually wants to do - soft play area? sleepover with cousins? - and explain that people don't like clearing up after other people's poos, and until he is pooing in the toilet it won't be happening.

Of course this needs to go alongside lots of encouragement at 'normal' times ...

Kathy535 wrote: »

I also like Rach’s idea of getting him to do his own clean up but he might be a little young for that.

If the OP does adopt this one, again a cautionary tale from DS3. He was very resistant to cleaning himself up, even when he was reliably using the loo, and despite my best efforts used to use ridiculously large amounts of loo paper when he had to do so - even into his teens. Consequently he regularly blocked the loo. It was so predictable that I only needed to call his name from the landing and he'd come straight upstairs ready to unblock it ... because yes, he was definitely made to unblock it!

Fireflyaway

So long as he has no medical reason and the toilet feels secure ( has a small child seat ontop of normal one and a step to rest feet) I'd be getting a bit tougher. At 4 and starting school this year I feel he is old enough to reason with. I'd not use pull ups. If he does it in his pants it will be more unpleasant. Then keep repeating its not OK to do this. Big boys at school have to use the toilet and he can't sit in dirty trousers all day, smelling bad. Tell him its unhealthy and could make him poorly and nobody will want to be friends with him if he is dirty and smelly. Is he looking forward to school? Could tell him he won't be allowed in unless he can use the toilet. Don't do that if he is not looking forward to school obviously!