Four year old will not poo on toilet

clairecymru

Help! My four year old DS has never done a poo on the toilet. He pees fine but refuses to poo anywhere other than his pants or a pull up. He understands that poos should go in the toilet but he cannot give me a reason why he always poos in his pants. He doesn't even mind sitting in it once he has done it and will not come and tell me once he has done it and I can smell it.

I have spoken to HV and he has been seen by a paediatrician. He is on movicol as he was constipated but is not anymore.

I am at my wits end. He is due to start school in September. Does anyone have any advice? I have tried reward charts and stickers. I have potty training books which he loves but still getting nowhere.

He is not scared of the toilet. He will happily sit on it. The other day I caught him trying to poo and I sat him on the toilet and he sat there for over an hour reading his book but does nothing. He comes off the toilet and about 45 mins later he poos despite promising me that he will tell me when he needs to poo.

Help!

Pyxis

Could he be linking the previous constipation with this?

I'm not sure what might be going on his mind, but it might be that he still associates it with not being able to pass motions, iyswim.

I seem to remember beimg told to try not to make a thing of it, or get anxious, as that transfers to them.

It could be a control thing as well.

Probably best to ignore it when he does it in his pants, and reward him if he does it on the loo.

Would going back to a potty for a while help? Even if only to get away from associating passing poo with pants, iyswim.

rach_k

Who cleans up when he poos in his pants or a pull up? Is there a bit of a fuss (even if it's a bad one)?

If you've ruled out anything medical, I'd try making it a non-event when he poos anywhere other than the toilet and give him the responsibility of cleaning up after himself (even if that means sneakily cleaning up properly later!). "Oh dear, you pooed in your underpants? Go up to the bathroom and have a wash, then put the poo down the loo and put them into the washing machine. Let me know when you're done." You're not telling him off - I don't think that will help - but he's getting no attention for it, either good or bad, plus cleaning up poo isn't exactly fun! If you don't fancy letting him deal with dirty clothes, take away his pants until he's learned to poo in the loo (might mean a week of staying home and some improvised 'dresses' to keep him warm). I'd stop using the pull-ups completely.

pinkshoes

Is the toilet too high?

Lots of kids find it hard to poo on the toilet unless their feet are resting on something like a stool!! They need to push down on feet to squeeze bowel muscles!

A stool for your stool I was told!

clairecymru

Sometimes I wonder if he truly understands what he is doing and doesn't understand what to do when he is sat on the toilet. When he was constipated he would poo lying down or standing up leaning against something. When we have caught him in mid poo he seems to wriggle on the toilet until it falls in. It seems that he doesn't understand to push it out IYSWIM. I have tried explaining what to do, which he repeats after me but I don't know if he fully understands.

clairecymru

pinkshoes wrote: »

Is the toilet too high?

Lots of kids find it hard to poo on the toilet unless their feet are resting on something like a stool!! They need to push sown on feet to squeeze bowel muscles!

He has a stool. Even tried going back to the potty but to no avail.

Primrose

I wonder if approaching things from a different angle would help?

Can you explain to him in simple terms how the poo needs to go down the hole into the sewer and then starts a journey where it meets up with other poos so it won,t be lonely.

If necessary, sit down with him and do a simple drawing of what happens, ie the poo swims round the ubend when it,s flushed down and into the pipe work so that the poo becomes part of a wider scenario rather than ending up with him when he poos in his pants.

If necessary give his poo a name and try and get him interested, as much as his young mind can comprehend, on what happens to it when it moves on its journey.

Showing him how to do some simple exercises squeezing /tensing his buttocks and then releasing them may help as these gentle spasms help to speed up the passage of the stool through the last few inches where he may remember it being stuck and rather painful when he had constipation.

Sayschezza

Years ago 1of my brothers was like this and the GP suggested that being a boy subconsciously he was associating a poo leaving his body with his little penis dropping off. I know it sounds daft but if he holds his front bits while pooing it may work.

kingfisherblue

Ok, so this is going to sound weird. Is he scared of the toilet water splashing back up at him? Some children don't like hearing the poo hit the water, and like it even less if there is a possibility of toilet water splashing up onto their bottom. You could try putting some toilet paper intot he toilet first, so that it reduces the sound and prevents any splash.

I assume that you have already tried to find out why he doesn't want to poo on the loo. Maybe he just doesn't have the language skills to explain if he has fears.

Savvy_Sue

DS3 had a step which added a smaller seat inside the regular loo seat. Like this one but other models are available. As well as the step, his little bottom was better supported, plus there were the handles to hang onto.

Mind you, it created other problems. For quite a while, he was unable to poo without it, so going out was a nightmare of 'I need to do a poo' moments, where I'd be holding him on the seat and he'd be unable to perform, then we'd be back in the loo a few minutes later.

I refused to take it on holiday in the end, so he had to learn to use the loo like a big boy. But he was most indignant when I gave it back to the person who'd given it to me.

freddie2

This is a surprisingly common problem!, especially in little boys.
You may like to look at !!!8220; Poo goes to Pooland!!!8221; ( if you google it you can download a copy or I believe it also comes as an app). Most kids love this and it!!!8217;s a great way to get them used to the idea that the toilet is the right place to poo.
What you don!!!8217;t want to do is put more pressure on, this will just lead to withholding and the constipation will reoccur.
A couple of tips which may help
Anything to do with poo and wee should be done in the toilet, so nappy changing, soiled pant changing should be done in the toilet and when he does a poo in his nappy get him to help flush it down the loo so he sees that where poo goes.
Try a star chart to get him to poo , wearing his nappy, sitting on the toilet. You can often tell by behaviour when a child!!!8217;s needs a poo so take him to the toilet (cos that!!!8217;s where poos go) and get him to sit on the toilet. Give him a star, and loads of praise when he does a poo in his nappy whilst sitting on the toilet. Even this may be a step too far....so you have to start with standing by the toilet. Once he is able to sit on the toilet wearing his nappy you may be able to get him to take it of, but You may have to take it slowly by cutting a hole in the nappy so the poo goes into the toilet but he retains the security of having the nappy.
All this may sound a bit silly but it really can develop into a serious problem if you don!!!8217;t take care so try to stay calm and take it slowly!
The Eric website has some good ideas and resources https://www.eric.org.uk