Help - my family isn't working!!!

duchy

Seems to me that if you simply ned to learn to say no to her. Don't argue back-just walk away. It takes two to argue. Washing....yep give her a week's notice and then just let it pile up and just smile at her and remind her it's now HER responsibility. As for teenage bedrooms-that's what doors are for-to keep shut (Yes I do realise you may need to retire to your own bedroom and count to 20 or beat the heck out of a couple of pillows whilst she's adjusting !!) She may find been a drama queen is a lot less effective without an audience so keep up a united front not to react.
On the socialisation side-suggest Duke of Edinburgh or voluntry work will look good on her UCAS applications-school will be saying the same thing anyway but if she;s basically content not to socialise she may very well just be a late developer socially and finding her peers are a bit "advanced" socially and she doesn't want those kind of relationships at the moment. (I have one of those myself) Plenty of Mums would love to have the problem you have rather than a teenager who thinks AS levels will pass themselves and socialization comes first !
And remember the mother's mantra when dealing with teenagers "This too will pass"

bellett

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

"your brother has a friend for a sleepover tonight, please try to be pleasant" is one place to start - and I know it will be answered by something like "I'm always pleasant, when am I NOT pleasant, what are you trying to say, it's him who annoys me" and so on, but you just smile and walk away.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:OMG - have you been a fly on the wall here? you just quoted her word for word!!!.......and DS is indeed having his friend for a sleepover tomorrow...thanks Savvy_sue

duchy - thanks for suggestion re Duke of Edinburgh - we have suggested just that but she doesn't want to know about or do ANYTHING except her AS work. In vain we have pointed out that at the 6th form parent/student induction they were told that Uni's want people who can show they do more than just study - they want well rounded individuals who can show they have a good work/life balance, but she is convinced they don't mean her :mad::mad::mad: - all SHE will need is excellent AS and A level grades!!! Anyway - have taken on board what earlier posters have said and have decided no matter how hard it is for DH and I - we just have to find a way to keep our mouths shut and let her learn by her mistakes in her own time.....I just feel better ( so MUCH better) for knowing my family is normal and that I'm not such a useless nothing as I felt I was. I think tehre may be light at the end of the tunnel after all.:j

Thanks again!

robnye

this sounds so much like my daughter ......... excellent gcse results, excellent as level results, yet her and DW sometimes cannot say anything to each other without it becoming an almighty ding dong.

since march of this year she started taking the pill....
4 months later, her mood swings where unbeleivable...... depression, wouldnt go out with friends, became almost obsessed with keeping fit, losing weight, spending spare time with boy friend, then complained that we didnt do anything as a family.... took her to docter recently, as we had hit a crisis point, they recommended youth counselling

the only thing doesnt seem to have been affected until 3 weeks ago was her schooling..... especially her results

then for some reason we happened looked at the leaflet that came with her pill and it mentioned possible side affect of depression..... then investigated on web and lo and behold, others had had the same problem, with the same make ...... it was made to look even more so, as she was brilliant, back to her old self during the tom, 3 weeks ago, the doctor has now change the make of pill , we shall see what happens.....

nb: i also have 2 younger daughters who have noticed the change........

newcook

Definately get her trained on the washing machine (and the cooker and the sink!) otherwise when she is at uni she is either going to have a very big shock or you are going to end up with bags of laundry when she visits!

I grew up with a girl who was very intelligent but never learnt how to cook - she went to uni and lived on micro meals and fast food which (as a good selling point to your daughter!) make you feel sluggish and may even hinder studying.

Obviously dont make her cook and wash up every night but draw up a rota for everyone doing something even if its putting out the condiments for dinner or putting out the rubbish for the binmen.

My mom gave me my own laundry basket and the rule was if clothes are not in the basket then they wont get washed. Another job of mine was to wash up after dinner (so long as they were done before I went to bed).

reesla

In vain we have pointed out that at the 6th form parent/student induction they were told that Uni's want people who can show they do more than just study - they want well rounded individuals who can show they have a good work/life balance, but she is convinced they don't mean her :mad::mad::mad: - all SHE will need is excellent AS and A level grades!!!

Hi,

I work for a Uni in admissions and being through the Uni system myself, the most important part of the UCAS form is the personal statement! The personal statement is the section of the form that indicates what the student could potentially offer the Uni they attend and helps admission tutors guage what the candidate is like and how they will fit into the course profile. There is a whole seperate section for academic grades..

What about a part time job for your daughter? SOme cash in her pocket, independence and something to write on the personal statement!

Floss

There are so many applicants for courses now, that a Uni can cherry-pick the ones who will give the most & gain the most from the course......academic achievement is not the be all & end all - look at the papers every August, with stories about 6/7/8 A-grade A-level students who cannot get into Uni, often because they have no other life apart from their books.

You are doing the right thing trying to help her realise this - what are her tutors at college doing about it? They will have to write supporting statements for her UCAS application.....

It is hard, and teenagers are a strange breed - my DS's are plotting to avoid each other at Christmas by one being with us while the other is with their father, because they don't get on & can't stand spending time together!

Good luck, and persevere - she'll grow out of it by the time she's a pensioner!