MMD: Can I spend less on a second wedding gift?

haras_nosirrah

depends

if you spent £100 on present 1 and it is something they wanted and now find something for £50 they will equally love then sure, who cares what it cost as long as thought went into it

if your thinking that he has already had a wedding present from you in wedding 1 so get him a chocolate orange in wedding 2 then no that would not be appreciated.

crmism

I agree.

Marriage should be for life, not at the whim of spouses, and there's no earthly reason why you should fork out for something that might be equally short-lived.

marcus_ohreallius

It's like you're saying "sorry.. you've had your quota, one decent/expensive wedding gift only!"

littleDOTS

I think that this is a dilemma. Wedding gifts tend to be big money spends, that's the custom, you spend that much as it's a big one off event and then...it's not a one off after all! Smarts a bit!

But if we compare it to birthdays we don't think 'hey, you had a birthday last year, this year you get a bit less' and eventually stop buying. We just give whatever we can afford that year. Weddings could be the same. It's just that wedding presents are a more conspicuous present as it's from the wedding list or put out on show with the gift tag next to it (in this part of the world anyway). I think it's possible to spend less and give a really personal present, you don't have to buy something dear for the home. My sister recently bought her friends big decorative light up letters in their initials. Personal but quite trendy and pretty cheap as well. You can give something for the wedding like a keepsake tin/box for the wedding bits and pieces, a a nice photo frame for the wedding pics, you can give a wedding 'survival kit' eg champagne and foot rub etc and other fun/jokey things. The time put into this is the real value. Some presents show you care but are cheap in actual cost. I always try to give something cheap but that is hard to guess the value/price of. Something hand-made from a small producer - a nice woven blanket for example would be hard to determine the actual cost of if it looks quite luxurious and it can have a double meaning eg a blanket they can wrap around them both in a romantic way. I once gave two marble table mats - made of stone...meaning solid relationship, last forever etc They weren't expensive. At any rate, I bet if you ask them what they want they'll be conservative in their answer, given the situation.

silvercar

Possible justification for spending less second time round:

First time, you knew both halves of the couple for a far longer time.

First time the couple had nothing, so needed all that is necessary to set up home. This time round they already have the spoils of the first marriage and enough toasters/ coffee machines to last a lifetime.

First time, they had careers to establish/ student overdrafts etc Now they are on the career ladder and have some savings behind them.

ODDSNSODS

Has he still got the original gift or did they have a custody battle over it, sometimes it's the gifts that suffer the most in these situations. If he still retains custody then get something that ties in with the original, I'm sure if he has any sort of sense of humour he will appreciate the gag, if not don't try to replace it as this could reignite a sense of loss and grief that he may have already dealt with. This is a real dilemma and I feel for you.

Pollycat

ODDSNSODS wrote: »

Has he still got the original gift or did they have a custody battle over it, sometimes it's the gifts that suffer the most in these situations. If he still retains custody then get something that ties in with the original, I'm sure if he has any sort of sense of humour he will appreciate the gag, if not don't try to replace it as this could reignite a sense of loss and grief that he may have already dealt with. This is a real dilemma and I feel for you.

I'm not sure if this ^^^^ is intentionally funny and tongue-in-cheek but the idea of retaining custody of wedding presents and feeling 'a sense of loss and grief' is :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::T

tain

kookaburra wrote: »

... not a bidding contest.

Do people really waste time estimating how much a giver spent on them? Just get something you think they will enjoy/appreciate, The cost is irrelevant.

:j

I'd love to live in this airy-fairy world you live in.

Most of us live in a world where people are judgmental unfortunately, which can certainly be a worry.

tain

Not really an answer, but in this situation I'd simply do what my mates are doing... If we all spend less, I won't look so bad!

Detroit

There is a useful formula for calculating this.

The number of years of your friendship duration times 20 minus the amount spent on the original gift divided by the number of years of the first marriage.

You may however need to adjust the end figure to allow for inflation and the BofE base rate.