Banging head against a brick wall!!

margaretclare

robindunne1 wrote:

It seems that the amount of money she can spend has everything to do with how much she can squeeze out of me and nothing to do with how much I earn.

I pay all the bills and make sure the house is in good condition and the family is well fed and clothed. If she were in charge of the finances I'm sure we'd be in a lot of trouble.

Yes, this is exactly what my husband found in his previous marriage. He was meant to be the provider, she was the spender. He was away a lot 'on the road' (sales manager in engineering), but when he became redundant due to the downturn in British manufacturing industry in the 1990s, she still continued in the 'style to which she wanted to become accustomed', and it was unsustainable. They couldn't even communicate, as he and I do now (in his 3rd marriage)!

Communication is the key, but I know that in some partnerships it just doesn't happen and doesn't seem to be possible.

Me, I couldn't live with someone I couldn't communicate with.

Aunty Margaret

Trinity_2

I just had to reply to this thread. I live with partner (not married) andi have debt, which i racked up before he came along. he has debt too, but he's ignored the letters/phone calls etc.. so he dont pay any of it back, while i pay approx £500 a month paying mine off (cos I want to be debt free in the proper way).

We earn the same kinda money, yet i find myself skint while he buys bits for his motorbikes, going out on the town with his mates etc. I end up doing the food shopping cos he cant get off his bum and do it, (tbh, if he did, he'd spend £100 a week on frozen meals and pizza), but i end up paying for shopping and he bungs me a few quid for it!! he never tidies up around the house, I started painting the walls, to freshen the place up, and couldnt finish it cos work got hectic.. 6 months later he still aint lifted a finger to do it Im soo sick of it, I feel that if i moved out and got my own place (rented) , it would be a push, but I would be in control of my finances and my life. he thinks nothing of buying stuff off ebay, stuff we can live without. I have a rented TV that is going back next month as it is a waste, we have a big widescreen TV in the living room, and he's on about buying a "good" TV for the bedroom.. for a few hundred pounds (we dont need a TV in the bedroom!!!!), he can afford this, yet says he's skint??? I have £5 left til tomorrow when i get paid, and have about £2 of petrol in my car... Something tells me im being taken for a mug!

skylight

Trinity - Dump him fast! Find a new man who appreciates you - your obviously a hard worker and deserve more!
But if he likes spening that sort of money, get him to buy you something nice first............

Eliza252

hi Trinity,
Not to be harsh but he does sound like he's being a bit of a selfish b.
Has he just got lazy, because he knows you'll always be there to dig him out of hole? Be honest - do you have to sort out alot of his immediate finances for him? Maybe splitting up would give him the kick up the bum he needs!
obviously it's not going to be easy or simple, especially as you live together (nb. I've noticed splitting up with OH is never simple! :rolleyes: )

But new start for you - much better possiblity to getting out of debt faster without OH holding you back.

Plus - there is always the possiblity of dating someone rich - which would at least mean free dinners! - hee hee

Ember999

Trinity wrote:

I just had to reply to this thread. I live with partner (not married) andi have debt, which i racked up before he came along. he has debt too, but he's ignored the letters/phone calls etc.. so he dont pay any of it back, while i pay approx £500 a month paying mine off (cos I want to be debt free in the proper way).

We earn the same kinda money, yet i find myself skint while he buys bits for his motorbikes, going out on the town with his mates etc. I end up doing the food shopping cos he cant get off his bum and do it, (tbh, if he did, he'd spend £100 a week on frozen meals and pizza), but i end up paying for shopping and he bungs me a few quid for it!! he never tidies up around the house, I started painting the walls, to freshen the place up, and couldnt finish it cos work got hectic.. 6 months later he still aint lifted a finger to do it Im soo sick of it, I feel that if i moved out and got my own place (rented) , it would be a push, but I would be in control of my finances and my life. he thinks nothing of buying stuff off ebay, stuff we can live without. I have a rented TV that is going back next month as it is a waste, we have a big widescreen TV in the living room, and he's on about buying a "good" TV for the bedroom.. for a few hundred pounds (we dont need a TV in the bedroom!!!!), he can afford this, yet says he's skint??? I have £5 left til tomorrow when i get paid, and have about £2 of petrol in my car... Something tells me im being taken for a mug!

Had to reply to this!

Get yourself a new man hon, one that appreciates you, helps you around the house, contributes to the family budget and most importantly, pays his debts! If he treats his creditors this way, it shows what sort of person he is, do you really want to entrust your future to a man like this? Yes, you are being taken for a mug, love makes us do crazy things sometimes, but hopefully, you will wake up from the dream of what it should be, see it as it really is and leave this man, take control of your life, your money and find someone worthwhile.

Good Luck!

Trinity_2

thanks for the replies!! to be honest... there is another guy on the scene, totally different, he's lovely and would never take me for a mug, I think with my partner its always been like that except i guess i didnt notice it, love does funny things. Its hard though, i still love him, but like a mate.. crazy!!!

James240

Dump his butt Trinity and go for the guy who will tkae better care of u, and is more likely to care about how his finances are!!! :T

elona

If you like him as a friend then move on and let him become a friend - rather than someone that you resent because he is dragging you down.

Enjoy your life - you deserve it.

Trinity_2

James240 wrote:

Dump his butt Trinity and go for the guy who will tkae better care of u, and is more likely to care about how his finances are!!! :T

Yes, i need to do some serious thinking, ive got a weeks holiday from work next week.. i need to sort it out. The other bloke takes care of his finances very well, and is in the same kinda situation as me (with the partner).

Trinity_2

elona wrote:

If you like him as a friend then move on and let him become a friend - rather than someone that you resent because he is dragging you down.

Enjoy your life - you deserve it.

thank yoo, thing is, if i leave he wont want to be my friend. I guess thats his decision tho isnt it?