Banging head against a brick wall!!

Any one else have my problem?

I am fed up of being permanently skint and living on an over draft when on paper, when I write all out goings versus in comings we should be sitting pretty.

My problem??

My other arf!!

Now I'm very good with money and have all these ideas in my head to get us out of debt and after purchasing Martin's fantastic Money Diet book yesterday, can't wait to get started but I feel like I'm taking one step forward and two steps back.

If it was left to my husband we would be up to our eye balls in debt.

Now don't get me wrong, I love him to bits!! But it's so bluddy frustrating.

I've worked out a budget which I feel we can easily stick to but he thinks nothing of ordering from the Next directory ( with delivery of 3.50 a time!!) several times a month and spending when the fancy takes him on stuff we don't really need.

He thinks nothing of spending 70/80 quid on booze on a night out and will get take aways for nights when its too much effort to cook.

I feel that Im becoming a right nag but someone has to keep an eye on things or we'd be in a huge mess.!!

On a lighter note lol my pet hate is when he does the weekly shop for me (bless him he's good like that).....but he'll come home with a pack of 4 toilet rolls!!! For a family of 4!! I cant get it through to him it works out cheaper if you buy the huge packs!! And that this works for lots of things not just bog rolls!!

Anyhow ......rant over.....just wanted to see if anyone else has similar problems with other halfs and how to convert them.

Why cant he see in long run we'll have MORE money? ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Make £10 a Day Feb .....£75.... March... £65......April...£90.....May £20.....June £35.......July £60


  • Magentasue
    Magentasue Posts: 4,229 Forumite
    We had the same problem. Then a financial crisis hit us and there was no choice - there was no money and no credit. Since then, we've recovered and I've noticed that he is more money saving and I am less frugal. The way we manage is that I deal with everything and he spends nothing. It's not without problems but it's the only way we have a hope of being debt free.
  • Kantankrus_Mare
    Kantankrus_Mare Posts: 6,107 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post
    Thanks for replying Magentasue.......its nice to know I'm not the only one! We dont have any major debts but it would be nice to have a bit more spare cash which we would have if he left everything to me and also like you said.......if we have a major financial catastrophe we would be in a pickle because we have no savings or anything to fall back on which is what i'm trying to change. In an appointment this morning to open an ISA!! but whats the betting i'll get a bit saved and he'll find a home for it??
    Make £10 a Day Feb .....£75.... March... £65......April...£90.....May £20.....June £35.......July £60
  • Tam
    Tam Posts: 58 Forumite
    I sympathise totally. We don't have any debt (bar the mortgage) and while my husband is by no means a spendaholic he does have a certain apathy to active saving. For example he doesn't want to have the bother of changing the broadband provider because it will be a major headache with his email account etc and he's 'the one who'll have to spend hours on a premium rate phonecall to the ISP trying to fix it'.

    I'm freaking out a tad because I've just sat down and done my budget (he can do his own) and I've organised all my DD's etc to come out of my account on the 1st of the month. I've also filled up the car with £40 petrol instead of making 4 separate trips to put in £10 a go. I know I have the money to cover all these things and incidentals but for the first month anyway I have a lot going out straight away and child allowance, salary etc do not appear until the end of the month so this first month of 'proper' budgeting may be a little tight. Especially as the car tax is due today! Moan moan.
    Anyway, the upshot of that is I know where you're coming from Mare.
    If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got!

    £2 savings club = £62 so far! ;)
  • Kantankrus_Mare
    Kantankrus_Mare Posts: 6,107 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post
    So out of you have seperate accounts? We have one current account which both wages are paid into and all bills come out of.

    Sounds like we are married to the same bloke! lol

    Im trying to put away 10 quid a week for car expenses (we run two) explaining to him that we will earn a little interest as well and not have to find car tax out of weekly budget when it arrives as is usually the case.

    His reaction? "is it worth it for the paltry few pounds interest youll get?"

    !!!!!! him!! lol im sorting it anyway.

    Watch this space!!
    Make £10 a Day Feb .....£75.... March... £65......April...£90.....May £20.....June £35.......July £60
  • Mark_petty
    Mark_petty Posts: 142 Forumite
    I'm lucky my girlfriend keeps me under control. I'm quite happy to spend money but she is very good with it so she has sorted out a savings plan for me where I save something each week a pension and generally saves money on most things.
    She works for a bank so has a lot of experience with people with debt so she doesn't spend what we haven't got.

    I'm doing quite well now she has taught me some good stuff.
    Be ALERT - The world needs more LERTS
  • culpepper
    culpepper Posts: 4,076 Forumite
    Mine is the same.
    He is the sole earner as I homeschool.
    He has a motorbike which he uses to get to work.We take out a loan and buy a newish bike and when the loan is paid off he is straight round to the motorcycle dealers looking at the next one :(
    We are now saving some money every month (only £50) but he is already looking at ways to spend the savings.I say what about emergencies? He says money is for spending :( He cant actually touch the savings though as the account is in my name and it will have to be an emergency before I will withdraw it.
    I am seriously considering NOT putting my name to the next loan application and saying at least make this bike last a year longer than the loan pay off date. Then we would be able to save the loan dividend for a year and have a bigger downpayment on the next wretched bike.
    The last loan was for a new gas boiler and fire (ours was dangerous) and we had to borrow as it was quite expensive,so he tagged the cost of a bike on the end.
    Recently he got a bonus from work and that is already spent.He sees it as his money only and none of my business but it would have been nice to pay off that wretched loan early or at least put it in the Building society until the next bike.
    I know you cant take it with you but what about being prepared (he used to be a scout).
  • fruityslh
    fruityslh Posts: 123 Forumite
    Snap, my hubby sound's just like all of yours I bought Martins book and like the OP went budgeting mad, showed DH the spreadsheets and he just sort of nodded and gasped at the broadband changeover, I'm still waiting for him to do it, if he hasn't done it in the next couple of weeks (i've waited 3 months so far) I'm cancelling the Joint Account Debit card it comes off, so they can't take any further payments.

    We have seperate accounts and then transfer money into a joint account, he got charged £25 for going overdrawn on his own account last month because he had no idea how much money was in his account. So I have managed to get him to now start with a monthly spending total and everytime he withdraws cash or makes a purchase off ebay (he spent £600 so far this year, but it is his money ) etc he writes it in a little notebook It's worked this month and he's proud that he's actually in control for once, for quite a smart person, it amazes me how useless he is with money.
    Pay all debts by Xmas 12 # 072 £1201.79/£15,105.68:eek:
    2012 Frugal Living Challenge
    Sealed Pot Challenge 5 #1711
  • donsaini
    donsaini Posts: 69 Forumite
    i'm as bad, being a bloke.

    i earn way more than my wife, pay all the bills,etc and should still have enough to save. however i find a reasson to spend, eg ?NEED a laptop. convinced myself. i do however get the best deal out there. eg Acer laptop, with over £200 off rrp.

    my original argument wiht her was always that i paid the bills, she never went without, so why worry. however slowly over time i have started to save. in the end we came to a compromise, that she save's her money. she use's my credit card, for anything she needs. (yes i clear the balance every month). with the money i now "theoretically" buying into her savings. i think i now "own" about few grand of her isa. YEAH, right as if she'll ever cough up.

    this is still better, as i'd spend the money anyway
  • Kantankrus_Mare
    Kantankrus_Mare Posts: 6,107 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post
    How come it seems that all the wives are the ones who seem to be keeping a reign on the money when we are traditionally suppusedly know as the spenders?

    I know women usually spend it on clothes and shoes......well i must be from a different mould lol if I cant afford it I dont buy clothes and consequently Im at the moment walking round looking pretty much like a tramp while hubby looks very smart!
    lol he'd kill me if he read this but its highly unlikely is it??(that he'd read it I mean!)
    Make £10 a Day Feb .....£75.... March... £65......April...£90.....May £20.....June £35.......July £60
  • Geeni
    Geeni Posts: 32 Forumite
    Well, I know EXACTLY what you mean.....fully sympathise with all of you with spendthrift partners.

    In our family:

    I buy mine and the kids clothes from charity shops, etc., take ages looking for bargains, but DH will go out and buy new exactly what he when he wants it, cost immaterial.

    I set a weekly shopping budget for food and try to stick to it, he comes home from work happily having spent the same again on alcohol and cigarettes!

    I try to build up some money in the bank to pay off debts, he asks have we got enough 'spare money' now to buy a motorbike! He never worries about money, as long as the hole in the wall keeps paying out.

    He got a 'great deal' on a mobile phone contract, but hasn't sent the cashback forms back, so is paying full price. He hasn't a clue about income vs outgoings and he really doesn't care.

    He's only just returned to work (we're still waiting to hear if he can get incapacity benefit for the time he wasn't working....) and now there's a wage coming in again, he thinks we're rich!!

    Could go on further, but you get the picture. The only partial solution I've been able to come up with is to say that he gives me his wages for bills, debts, food, day-to-day expenses and the like, and he can keep ALL of his overtime money to himself to spend as he sees fit. Feels like asking a teenager to earn their own pocket money!! If nothing else, I'm hoping that he will value 'his money' a bit more and be more willing
    to compromise. Either that, or I'll never see him again because he'll always be at work doing overtime - less spare time to spend the money methinks (hee-hee!!).
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