Divorce or not - your thoughts please?

linclass

Obviously no one can tell me the best thing to do, but I'm asking for thoughts on how to handle this. I left my husband of 42 years almost 5 years ago. I'm living with my partner. My husband is living in the marital home, I've taken no furniture, only personal belongings. I've purchased a far smaller home 10 miles from the marital home. We have absolutely NOTHING in common now, apart from 2 sons that are grown and married. We're at a stage that we're on good speaking terms, I call round for a chat and a cuppa every few weeks. We haven't discussed divorce because to be honest, neither of us are prepared to pay solicitors fees. I own the marital home 100% as does my husband (I would have thought 50% each, but not according to Land Registry!), and there's no reason to sell it. He's obviously living OK and Perseus his hobby daily. I don't wish to return to the marriage, and he doesn't want me to return. If you was in this position, would you leave things as is? I don't ask for any money from him, although I know I could ask for some of his pension. IF we went down the divorce route, the house would almost certainly need to be sold, we both want to leave it to the grand children.

Tigsteroonie

Have you written wills? If you haven't and one of you dies, the other will inherit - regardless of the fact you've been separated for years.

linclass

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

Have you written wills? If you haven't and one of you dies, the other will inherit - regardless of the fact you've been separated for years.

Thanks for answering Tigsteroonie, I made a will at the end of last year. Husband hasn't as yet.

I'll add to this, I felt as if I was 'waiting to die'. I know, it sounds dramatic, but he never really talked to me, although quite happy to phone Golf buddies and chat. He didn't understand WHY I decided to leave - as if he was in denial! No one in either family has Divorced or separated. I had my hobby, he had his. He had just totally lost interest in me. I think he was comfortable to have me living with him and making the odd meal (he often ate at the Golf club). I feel that the whole relationship had run it's course. I married when I was 16 years old.

Picard91

Best thing (in my very uneducated opinion) would be to both do a Will as Tigsteroonie suggested, make sure that if anything does happen to either one of you the house and anything else is taken care of as you both have agreed. The only problem maybe that he could change his and not tell you? But then your equity in the house should still be moved over to grandchildren?

If you are both amicable and trust each other there should be no reason to have to get a divorce? It's a shame its so costly!

I doubt my advice helped but Im going to enjoy reading other peoples opinions and insights on this

LuluTheMuggle

Please call Citizens Advice for some guidance. Also visit a website called AdviceNow.org for guides about divorce and separation.
1. To divorce costs about £550. There is no need to pay for solicitors unless you disagree about something and fight it out in court. To avoid that discuss everything beforehand and use guides such as 'How to divorce without a solicitor' on advice now for guidance.

2. There are often nasty surprises in store in situations like this. May 1 - 2018 Linclass meets an untimely end after stepping out in front of a bus while texting... May 2 - 2018 - Ex husband gets married to a floozy - HoneyBunny. May 3 - after a night of passion Ex's heart gives out. May 4 - HoneyBunny has everything. Lin's children and partner are out in the cold.

I know you have a will, but by being still married you can complicate things and even a contested will will eat up at the estate. Yes your partner and children will get what you wanted but there is only 1/5th left after going through the courts.

If you can afford it, after reading the online guides book a one hour visit with a solicitor to get a clearer understanding of the potential consequences and advantages of not getting divorced.

Being married is a legal contract that gives certain powers. Do you want your ex to override a Do Not Resuscitate order at the hospital because legally he is your next of kin? Things like that are why people get divorced.

enthusiasticsaver

Obviously it comes down to how you both feel. Is there any likelihood of you wanting to marry your new partner? Does your ex have a girlfriend he may wish to marry?

My sister and brother in law are looking into divorce proceedings now and don't wish to use solicitors due to costs so are filling out the financial consent form themselves although I have suggested to my sister she takes legal advice. I am not sure how costly it would be if you did that but obviously less than using solicitors and quite time consuming getting all the information together.

You both need wills obviously and there is also the question of what would happen if he needed to go into some sort of care and the house had to be sold. I am not sure it would not be better to have it registered as tenants in common rather than joint and several as it must be now. That way your 50% is protected. Certainly I would get advice on that. Also, what if he moved in a new partner and then died before her? Would she have a claim on the house?

Regarding the pension that depends on what type of pension he has. If it is a DC one then that can be left in his will or to next of kin if he dies without a will. That would be you if you remained married. As you have made a will that covers you though.

gingercordial

Reasons to divorce - including getting a financial settlement:

- At the moment you will each be the one to make medical decisions for the other. If you are unconscious and need treatment they will need to ask your husband what to do, not your partner. Your husband will be entitled to be at your bedside, not your partner. If your husband wants to ban your partner from being there with you he can.

- One of you might want to marry again. You don't mention this as a factor with your current partner but perhaps you may want to (with him or someone else) down the line. In any case, better to be free to do it if you ever want to than still tied to your husband. I also think as a not-so-new partner of five years I would feel that, even if we had no plans to marry, I would prefer (but not demand!) that my other half not be married to someone else.

- You may feel the split of assets is fine now, but what if one of you wins the lottery or comes by a huge inheritance? Or conversely falls on hard times? Do you want your husband to be able to demand a share?

Divorces really aren't that expensive if you agree on everything already. They cost money when you start fighting about it.

Is there a mortgage on the house?

Picard91

LuluTheMuggle wrote: »

Please call Citizens Advice for some guidance. Also visit a website called AdviceNow.org for guides about divorce and separation.
1. To divorce costs about £550. There is no need to pay for solicitors unless you disagree about something and fight it out in court. To avoid that discuss everything beforehand and use guides such as 'How to divorce without a solicitor' on advice now for guidance.

2. There are often nasty surprises in store in situations like this. May 1 - 2018 Linclass meets an untimely end after stepping out in front of a bus while texting... May 2 - 2018 - Ex husband gets married to a floozy - HoneyBunny. May 3 - after a night of passion Ex's heart gives out. May 4 - HoneyBunny has everything. Lin's children and partner are out in the cold.

I know you have a will, but by being still married you can complicate things and even a contested will will eat up at the estate. Yes your partner and children will get what you wanted but there is only 1/5th left after going through the courts.

If you can afford it, after reading the online guides book a one hour visit with a solicitor to get a clearer understanding of the potential consequences and advantages of not getting divorced.

Being married is a legal contract that gives certain powers. Do you want your ex to override a Do Not Resuscitate order at the hospital because legally he is your next of kin? Things like that are why people get divorced.

Great advice from a muggle :T

theoretica

Another thing to consider would be changing the house deeds so you do both own half and can leave it in your will rather than it all automatically going to the survivor.

Tom99

theoretica wrote: »

Another thing to consider would be changing the house deeds so you do both own half and can leave it in your will rather than it all automatically going to the survivor.

I would second that.

TBagpuss

I would suggest that you 'sever the joint tenancy' which would have the effect of meaning that you would each own 50% pf the property and can leave it by will, rather than remaining as joint tenants which means you jointly own 100%, and the property automatically passes to the survivor if one of you dies.

Getting divorced may have some advantages to you in allowing you to disentangle your finances.

You mention leaving the house to grandchildren - does the house itself have significance, or is it more that you would want your combined wealth to eventually go to them? How old are the grandchildren? If they are adults, do you know if they would be interested in the house as a house?

if it is primarily about preserving inheritance for them then I would suggest that you concerns sorting out your finances and then both making wills which benefit your grandchildren.

If it is about the house, as a house, then it might be worth getting advice about whether a trust of some kind might be appropriate. However, on a practical level do bear in mind that they might not want to live there, and if you have more than one grandchild it's unlikely that they would all want to live there long term, so it may be more practical for them as well as you if you think of it as a financial asset and plan accordingly.

As things stand, you will be building up a CGT liability as the house is no longer your PPR and you have bought another property.

You will (probably, unless he has changed the nominee) currently have rights to widows benefits under his pensions, which you would lose on divorce.

I do think that this may be a situation where not getting legal advice is a false economy. It might make sense for you to arrange to see a solicitor. Perhaps prepare a summary of the financial position as you know it, and some questions in advance, and get some proper, focused, advice (Note, this isn't something you can do at a free half hour, but you can make clear to the solicitor that you would like to explore the financial options rather than looking t advice about a divorce right now)