In a dilemma... What shall I do?

WestWalesWannabee

Phxleo

I hope you manage to sort things out with your wife. Sounds like she's on your side and there's hope for you. Good luck!

chevalier

If you are even thinking that maybe your bf is THE ONE, then you will have to tell him. It is unfair not to. He can't plan his life if it would negatively impact on your (without him even knowing it).

As regards his family again you might as well get it over with now if they do find out. By showing them you are dealing with it in an adult manner you may win them around. If they are negative, then growing a thick skin now may be better than leaving it until later.

Ref Payplan is there any reason NOT to use them or CCCS. They can take so much of the stress away from you by dealing with your creditors for you. Creditors also seem to take more notice of these companies in order to get agreements in place.

Will look forward to your SOA when you can face putting it up.
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tyllwyd

I can't help thinking that your decision has a big impact on your future together - if you are in your thirties, and this is a serious relationship, then you might be thinking about moving in together, buying somewhere to live, starting a family, maybe sooner rather than later. Is there any chance, realistically, that you will be able to sort your affairs out in the near future?

If not, is it fair to him (or you) to continue the relationship knowing that you are going to end it because of your situation, and that you aren't even going to be able to give him a good explanation why? And what if you fell pregnant accidentally - what would you do then?

My feeling, for what it's worth, is that if you really care about him and want a future together, you are going to have to trust him - and if his family do find out, what business is it of theirs anyway? Good luck with whatever you decide.

WestWalesWannabee

Well yes we are both in our thirties and we have talked about moving in together and having children in the future which is why I feel I need to tell him.

If he asks me how I got into the situation, I really don't think I could explain it! I don't even know myself! A snowball effect I guess. Have nothing to show for the mess I'm in.

Floss

:grouphug: another one to make you feel better!

Quite a few of us on here probably don't have a lot to show for our debt - food, going out, things for kids, pressies, petrol etc, etc. You are right in saying its a snowball effect, and it rolls up silently behind you.

My DF was very understanding, he helped me out a couple of times by paying small but crucial things (council tax debt when the bailiffs were due was one example), but it took a lot to tell him I was in debt, and he doesn't know to this day exactly how much I owed but he knows my mum's legacy :A & my bank charges refund helped to pay it all off.

Maybe start the conversation with something like "I would prefer that you kept this to yourself, and please don't judge me, but.....".

Good luck and here's another hug! :grouphug:

Love Floss xx

WestWalesWannabee

Thanks Floss. Sorry to hear about your mum. I really don't have any idea what happened with the money situation! As you said, kinda crept up on me.

I hope that when I do finally get out of debt, I'll never be in this position again!

I'm in my early thirties now and I desperately want to have children in the near future. Have no idea how i'm meant to achieve that with my finances the way they are! Am beginning to think it won't happen.

dancingfairy

Just wanted to say whatever you do- don't go to a company who will charge you for there services - there are several that are free. Also with the help of all the lovely peeps on here you can face this without having to pay some of your hard earned cash to a company to manage your debts for you.

I also think you really need to tell your partner about your debt. As it is a seriour relatiionship it will come back and haunt you if you don't. Also do you really want to be with someone you can't tell things to? I guess you know deep down you have to tell him somehow but don't know how and I think some of the OP's suggestions on how to broach the subject have been great. I also think the longer you leave it the harder it will be to tell him and the longer it will take him to get over the shock.

Good Luck however you decide to approach things.

chevalier

Babies don't have to be expensive if you are not proud! All offers of clothes - big smile and say thanks, even if some are not your taste! They are free. There is always cots etc on www.freecycle.org, and on gumtree if you are near London. These are just given away. I literally spent maybe £10 on my first son on clothes between 0 and 18 months, because I was given two sets of clothes from different friends, so he needed nothing!

The only thing I didn't compromise on was car seats and shoes, but everything else if it was free RESULT! Even the baby clubs give you loads of free samples and things. I think it took me best part of a year to run out of all the baby bath samples I got! And there are even more clubs around now!

best of luck with the rest of it
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WestWalesWannabee

Would never go a fee paying debt management company! I have been lurking on here for months now and have read nothing but positive things about payplan and CCCS. Might well have to go down that route soon.

phxleo

WestWalesWannabee wrote: »

Phxleo

I hope you manage to sort things out with your wife. Sounds like she's on your side and there's hope for you. Good luck!

Thanks WWW....

I was really dreading telling her, we've not had the easiest of times lately (ie, the last few years) and I just thought this admission would be the last straw.

I'm so grateful to her for understanding, and helping me try to sort it.

Upshot is, I hope to be consolidating with a view to clearing it all. my bank were less than helpful in their efforts so they can look forward to losing 5 bank accounts (mine, hers, the joint, and one each for the kids) and a mortgage lol.

Hope you have as much good fortune as me