Elderly parent / selling her house

Davesnave

Margot123 wrote: »

By the same token, MIL could be in a care/residential home receiving nursing care.

Sometimes, yes.

My Dad was in a care home, where he received help to take pills on time and assistance with bathing etc, but no real nursing care. It was a worry for me that he would soon require more nursing input, which would have meant him moving.

I was hoping the OP would clarrify the situation a little, which they have done now.

xylophone

Your MIL currently has mental capacity.


She has expressed a desire to live with you.

She has agreed that her house is to be sold.

As she still has mental capacity, even though you have PoA, and can deal with getting the house on the market etc, you may well find that the conveyancing solicitor will require that she signs the documents of sale.

This was the experience of a relative of mine who has PoA for a relative of his.

Once the house is sold, and the money is in an account in your MIL's name, she can, if she chooses, make you a loan of £150,000 towards the purchase of the shared house and take a charge on the property as security.

You can make regular monthly repayments to another account in her name - she might fund her share of household expenses /pay her carers from this account.

If she needs to go back into care, the remaining equity from her house together with your repayments of the loan would be used to fund the care.

You and your mother in law should each take legal advice - it should be possible for you to arrange to transport her to the solicitor's office - alternatively, the solicitor may be prepared to visit her in the care home.

You should be prepared to refinance the loan in the event that this became necessary.

Cheeky_Monkey

OP - is your wife an only child or does she have siblings?

need_an_answer

Trevor84 wrote: »

Thank you for your comments, I knew this one was not a simple answer! I'll try to answer your questions.
My MIL is currently in a nursing home. If she was to live with us, then my wife would look after her with the help of home care.
Her property is worth approx £750,000. If we decided to move with my MIL living with us, then we would approx need £150,000 towards the move. This would leave approx £600,000 if she needed to back to a care home.
Before the stroke she was very independent, but always hinted in the future of living with us.

All credit to your wife for being the one to volunteer too look after her mother even with the additional help of home care assistants that's a very tough job!

What about the rest of the family,what impact will having someone with complex stroke needs have on them going forward?

And yourself where do you fit into all the plans.

please think very seriously about the way in which having your MIL living with you will change your lives,and not always for the better even if the property you go on to buy is specially adapted for her needs then there will still be huge personal sacrifices that need to be considered going forward.

I can't help but think that the care/nursing home route is indeed the best option to take

Trevor84

Cheeky_Monkey wrote: »

OP - is your wife an only child or does she have siblings?

She has a brother, but to cut a long story short, he's pretty much out of the picture.

Trevor84

saajan_12 wrote: »

Main issue is any money MIL contributes to the new house should still be hers..

(b) to form part of her estate -> can you purchase as tenants in common so her share is clearly defined and no implication of you misappropriating her money and abusing POA

If we decided to purchase as tenants in common as you mentioned, I would assume inheritance tax would still apply if she died?

need_an_answer

Have social services been supportive of your idea to rehome your MIL or is it at present just an idea that you have formed without specifically getting their agreement?

need_an_answer

Trevor84 wrote: »

My MIL is currently in a nursing home. If she was to live with us, then my wife would look after her with the help of home care.

You may also want to explore the costing behind this v the cost of full residential care.

From my experience whilst on the face of it a residential care format looks very expensive when you break the cost down and understand that it represents 24 hr care the price per hour is actually cheaper than employing additional "home help"" when needed.

Add to that any additional expenses you may incur as part of the household budget for extra heating lighting even additional cost associated with laundry food preparation etc and you may well come to the conclusion that paying a flat fee monthly for round the clock care is actually better value in the long run going forward.

I can see that potentially even an overnight "home care" could cost almost the same as 3/4 of a day in full time care and once you add in the time your wife spends in assistance I think you may find there is little to gain by going down the self managing route.

Cakeguts

She is in a care home because she can't manage at home on her own? If she lives with you she will need 24 hour care which is what you get in a care home. They check on people in the night. If she wants to go to the toilet in the night someone is going to have to take her. Care homes have alarms on cords that you can pull to get the attention of staff in the night. Will your wife be able to lift her on and off the toilet and clean her up in the middle of the night?

I hope your wife can drive a car that is suitable to take a disabled person otherwise your MIL will be trapped in your house and unable to go out or meet anyone other than you, your wife and any carers. She won't stay in the part of the house that is for her. She will want to sit with you when you watch the television and she will want to choose the programmes. She is already managing to make you feel guilty that she is in a care home just think what she can do when she is living with you?

The care that she is getting in the care home is the best that she can have. Why do you think you can do better when you have no experience?

need_an_answer

Trevor84 wrote: »

She had a serious stroke, but still has mental capacity

What day to day limitations does she have?

mobility ,speech,co orination

Assume for example you will be taking on the care would you liken it to that of a newborn baby?

They can be hard work add to that the fact that your MIL will possibly never improve or develop in the way a baby would progress to being a child and gaining a lesser need of dependence it is unlikely that the day to day life will get any easier

I understand why you posted a financial query on this thread but cant help but wonder if you asked a question around the practicalities of care on the family threads that you would get a much more definite and different picture than just from the angle of finance.
Whilst I understand the financial side is very important to you,it represents just a small drop of the whole picture of how day to day life for your family will be if you go down the route you are considering.

Define "pretty much out of the picture".........
so do you mean could and would return ?
Presumably not to help but to inherit!