What would you do about neighbour I have suspicion

dekaspace

Not sure if this is best board but as they are neighbour thought I would give it a try.

In the 14 months I have lived here, have flare ups of very extreme noise, last Easter I politely spoke to neighbour who explained she does shift work, she had a religious festival on and that was why I had 18 HOURS of noise including admitting there was 20 kids in bedroom playing all that time. She told me the regular noise was that she did shift work and her husband babysat the kids she tried shifting the blame and said it was the couple above her that was making the noise, and confusing and contradictory statements admitting guilt then saying it was neighbours or her visitors kids and the "kids will be kids" line

It calmed a little and then over summer near went silent apart from when they came back from day trips for about 15-30 minutes so tolerable.

Escalated again after summer especially at weekends, she ignored me knocking on door until I got council involved a few weeks before Christmas and they posted a letter through her door a few days after New Year, and she came to my door and apologised but then changed her stories, the man she used to claim was her husband now became the "babysitter" and the noise from him was because he is deaf in one ear and speaks loud because of that and walks heavier, and as before blaming neighbours, and her own friends kids, and what sounded like sympathy story telling me she is single mother, and at same time telling me she is "babysitting" a newborn puppy (that just so happened to be given to her Christmas Eve)


All goes quiet for 3 weeks then every night for past 8 days is noisy and she had a birthday party Saturday night that finished at 4.30am, and I hear dog barking a few times over weekend, and what sounds like pacing about and walking into furniture, been in severe stress for past for days and tonight went up to her flat, knocked on door and child voice said something, then when I didn't answer a loud male voice said the same thing (either who is it, or come in)

I go back downstairs and she is walking in as I get to bottom I speak to her and she confuses again shifting blame onto her neighbours, or her friends kids but now saying things like I can't be hearing dog barking, and her babysitter is female, and the screaming I heard multiple times earlier is her female friend who likes to drink heavy (yet shes the babysitter!!) and the male voice I hear is the flat above hers. then backtracking one moment admitting the noise like having a party then claiming that night was working night shift, then admitting party again, then saying night shift.

But hold on when I knocked on her door it was a adult male voice that was behind the door!!!

And the first time I spoke to her she told me she was Italian, 2nd time she said she was Polish, this time she said she was Polish but then in same conversation said she was Italian and now she also says the reason why she still has dog (without me even asking her) is her Polish friend has decided to stay in Poland and not come back, big coincidence!

After she went back in, now its silence as if a miracle and the voices are like whispers!

Am I being treated like a mug?

And either way I am suspicious of the husband/babysitter/invisible man as maybe shes doing some form of benefit fraud?! If so what would you do?!

Its a council property in Scotland by the way, and laminate and pets/dogs are banned.

And if anyone things I am a soft touch, I am a autistic male, with mental health problems and severe anxiety.

[Deleted User]

I suspect all you can do is make noise complaints as you have done. You don't know if she is claiming benefits, you don't know her circumstances from her confusing story. She's not making you a mug, you are taking it too personally. Why should she want to? She is probably bending a rule or two, but not trying to make a mug out of you. Who knows, maybe she needs help of some kind. Can't say either way, neither can you really.

It doesn't seem long since you moved., I was surprised to hear its been 14 months lol. Not disputing that, just amazed how time flies lol.

dekaspace

Well her contradictory statements about the male, first telling me its her husband, then claiming the same man is a babysitter, then claiming her babysitters always been female.


My other idea is subletting/lodger and hes doing babysitting as part of that (or free rent if he looks after kids) She kept trying to tell me I was mistaken as theres never a man in there, even for the party she claimed it was just her and female friends (but I heard loud male laughter)

Why is she so insistent she never has a male guest/friend round unless theres something to hide

Also seeing if anyone else thought she was lying/taking me for a mug

[Deleted User]

I know this is in danger of sounding rude, but its probably to avoid suspicious looks from nosey neighbours lol. I know when my ex comes round I am always very very anxious to explain to people who he is and that he doesn't live with me /has his own place to ward off any problems. You don't know the male voice is living there.

I have actually had to tell him to only come round once a week to avoid awkward questions so I now miss out on a lot of company and support (I have no other friends) because I was getting so anxious about it and he doesn't see his son much.

We can't possibly know if the neighbour is lying, just no way to give a helpful response. I certainly wouldn't. It would be irresponsible.

HampshireH

To be honest whether she has a man woman or alien there it's none of your business.

Keep diary sheets, send them to the council and ask if the do sound monitoring equipment which can be installed

Clearly talking isn't working.

TBagpuss

It's none of your business whether or why she has a man there. It could be a simple as her being in the habit of denying he is there because they are not married, and her famiy would disapprove so she is the habit of denying it!

Stick to what directly affects you. If there is noise, ask her to keep it down, and if that doesn't work, report the noise.

If dogs are not allowed and there are problems caused by the dog, such as lots of barking, or smells, then report that.

Lots of people behave in illogical ways - so she may simply say that there's no man there because the noise you've complained about was a man's voice, and she hopes that that might make the complaint go away. The fact that it is obvious *to you* that that won't work doesn't mean that it is equally obvious to her, and ultimately it doesn't make any difference to how you deal with the issue.

Detroit

I think you need to focus on just the one part of this, the only part that really matters, which is the noise.

Your neighbours nationality,living arrangements, and truthfulness are not really relevant to the problem of the noise.

The childcare arrangements need only concern you if you have reason to think the children are in danger. The other things don't need to concern you at all.

By thinking too much about these irrelevant aspects, you will become distracted from trying to resolve the problem.

Also, if you need to contact the authorities, and you talk about these other things, your complaint may not be as clear as it could be, and may be taken less seriously.

There's lots of advice on dealing with noise problems online, but it nearly always starts with politely approaching the neighbour.

When you've done this, it's worked for a while, so maybe she genuinely doesn't realise the extent of the noise, and you may need to politely mention it to her whenever it's an issue.

It's also a good idea also to keep a diary of the noise, when it starts, what sort of noise it is is, and how long it lasts.

dekaspace

TBagpuss wrote: »

It's none of your business whether or why she has a man there. It could be a simple as her being in the habit of denying he is there because they are not married, and her famiy would disapprove so she is the habit of denying it!

Stick to what directly affects you. If there is noise, ask her to keep it down, and if that doesn't work, report the noise.

If dogs are not allowed and there are problems caused by the dog, such as lots of barking, or smells, then report that.

Lots of people behave in illogical ways - so she may simply say that there's no man there because the noise you've complained about was a man's voice, and she hopes that that might make the complaint go away. The fact that it is obvious *to you* that that won't work doesn't mean that it is equally obvious to her, and ultimately it doesn't make any difference to how you deal with the issue.

And I don't care why she has a man there, but if shes denying that and lying about other things it seems that somethings being hidden, It was her who first told me it was her husband who looked after the kids, and on seperate occasion saying the same man was a babysitter, now denying the man even exists.


I didn't specially complain about male noise I said I heard running about and dog and a male voice, she also denied the dog was making noise too (but then contradicts that saying the babysitter plays with the dog and kids) if I take her words at face value then she has no babysitter as she keeps saying there can't be noise as shes at work, but considering shes always at "work" then someone must be looking after the kids


I mean I can't get my head round that, "the noise you hear can't be from my flat as the times mentioned I was at work" so that to me implies in some form she has no babysitter, she even did that for the noise today, I said I heard walking about and she goes "I was at the shops" but then who was looking after the children? I mention oh it must be babysitter then and get told something so confusing which comes across as she doesn't have babysitter.


None of what she says makes any sense, I don't care her living arrangements as long as Im not kept awake to hours like 4am by guests.


Her family doesn't even live in the UK so its not like I can tell anyone, and even so why deny there was men at her party, or men that come round with their partners at weekend to visit her (which she has admitted in past) she seems to be sidetracking having male visitors of any kind.

glasgowdan

Stop focussing on her life. It doesn't matter if they are hiding something from you. They don't have to tell you the ins and outs of their lives. It doesn't have to make sense to you. It doesn't matter if she sidetracks, or changes her story.

The ONLY thing that should concern you is the noise levels... so keep a diary of it, recordings, describe the severity and go to the council. You're not getting anywhere speaking to them so I would stop it.

[Deleted User]

OP.., you have been on this board a while. You have had problems with neighbours in the past. So have I. I have learned to keep my head to the ground although I never had the capacity to deal with my own life AND worry about how other people were living theirs lol. I have enough stress, thank you lol.

You have asked for advice on what you should do and all answers are saying leave it, report your main concern, leave the rest.

Try to see that you don't have to 'wrap your head around' it. What she does, other than make noise is just not your concern. That's the only thing that affects you. She could be having swinging parties, she could have multiple partners of both sexes of multiple nationalities (not for a minute suggesting she is). You don't know she is in receipt of benefits so no idea if she is committing fraud, you don't know where she comes from or her immigration status if she has one. All this is none of your concern unless she makes noise that affects you. You don't have to understand her or judge her. You just need to concentrate on the noise problem.

PasturesNew

You have to make a list of the problems, then stare at it and think hard to yourself "what is THE item here that is measurable, against regulations/wrong - and is important enough to hit somebody's button so they do something about it".

If you cloud it with lots of stuff then the actionable item gets lost in the noise.

Work out the ONE, single, item that can get her into the most trouble, most easily, by being able to clearly communicate that one item repeatedly, with collected measurable evidence.

It's the only way "the system" seems to hear.

I know that with autism it all gets overwhelming and you can't see the wood for the trees, so you end up describing the entire forest .... so your job is to work out the ONE item to focus on .... that is serious enough to be a breach of something that somebody in authority cares about.

If there are 2-3 majors .... then you can cover those too, but only if they're not watering down what you're trying to achieve.

Too much information and the system can't handle it .... keep it simple for the system; the system is neuro typical ...