How to approach husband about credit card debt

tealady

Just my 5p worth.
Debt destroys relationships.
Been there, got the t shirt
If your oh will not tell you about his debts then tell him that if he wants a CC that is up to him however all household bills must be paid and those should be visible to both (no matter who pays them).
That way if the brown stuff hits the whirry thing you will know you still have a roof over your head your council tax and utilities are paid.
Sounds harsh I know but if you are not a team (financially speaking) then you have to look after yourself.
If your oh is happy with debt then let it be his problem

AutumnLeaves

tealady wrote: »

Just my 5p worth.
Debt destroys relationships.
Been there, got the t shirt
If your oh will not tell you about his debts then tell him that if he wants a CC that is up to him however all household bills must be paid and those should be visible to both (no matter who pays them).
That way if the brown stuff hits the whirry thing you will know you still have a roof over your head your council tax and utilities are paid.
Sounds harsh I know but if you are not a team (financially speaking) then you have to look after yourself.
If your oh is happy with debt then let it be his problem

Thanks Tealady - it's only his credit card bills that are 'invisible' & he's made it clear that they are his problem, not mine. Our household bills are all under control. We don't have any joint accounts.

One of the cards is Aqua which has a horrendous interest rate of about 35% - I suppose I could bring that up into conversation rather than demanding to know how much he owes. But the problem will still be getting him to admit he needs my help in applying for a 0% card (which he may not even get) and do a balance transfer.

Detroit

paddy's_mum wrote: »

There is no way on this earth that you are "worrying too much" about all this! Take it from me - I've been there. Hidden debt kills otherwise sound marriages.

Apart from anything else, his secrecy is disloyal to you and to the family and that is such a shameful thing. You have the RIGHT to know what is going on within the family exchequer and if that means you have a little 'snoop' to be in possession of facts that affect you also, then in my opinion you have nothing to apologise for. He is not a single man with obligations to nobody but himself and in my view there is a measure of contempt for you in his deciding to keep such an important fact his little secret.

Evasive answers - I'd give him evasive and if it took a boot up the backside to make him see how dishonourable he is being, well so be it.

I am astonished that you are so worried but reluctant to kick off a quarrel or upset him in some way. Really? So if this whole pile of 'fudging of the truth' collapses around your ears in mortgage difficulties, the possibility of repossession or bankruptcy, do you truthfully believe that there won't be an explosion of wrath, rows and tears? So, effectively, what are you actually avoiding?

Speak to him and make it clear that you will no longer take no for an answer and that if it continues, you will be withdrawing your financial support as well as severing any joint account. He may be a lovely chap but debt is an insidious poison with the capability of destroying your lives.

Good luck.

I think this sets out the very worse case scenario, and in very emotive, one sided and subjective terms.

For balance:
It could equally be argued that if OPs husband is maintaining minimum payments and is paying the agreed share of household expenses, there isn't a problem.

His debt isn't huge by any standards and he hasn't defaulted, so arguably, it is under control. Certainly it's a world away from mortgage default and repossession. Many people carry modest consumer debt, and manage to avoid bankruptcy and loss of home!

It could also be argued he may not be deceiving the OP, as he may genuinely believe it when he tells her it's not a big deal. And many would agree!

OP has a major issue with CC interest. Maybe her husband doesn't. Maybe he has an issue with spending money on holidays, which OP doesn't. Whose to say one person is right and everything should be done their way?

What most would agree on, is that it's not ideal to go through a partner's correspondence without their knowledge or permission. This is a breach of trust.

OP, you should talk to your husband. Tell him your thoughts, listen to his, and try to reach a compromise that suits you both. I would however avoid going in with a heightened sense of self righteousness. There maybe more than one perspective on this.

LilElvis

AutumnLeaves wrote: »

I have asked him before but he is evasive and tells me not to worry about it, it will be paid off soon. So he doesn't lie outright but just won't tell me the amount. I have no reason to keep pushing him about it, as I shouldn't have looked for his bills....

But it is an outright lie as he, and you, know that he is only making the minimum payments. He has just about maxed out both cards but has shown no inclination to get a grip on the situation - evidenced by the fact that that he has continued his spending when his card limit was increased. So what is he going to do when he reaches his limit on both cards? You hope that will be his wake up call, but it's likely that instead he will get the limits increased further or apply for another card ..... and increase the size of the debt and the problem of how it will be repaid. I don't see that you have any choice but to broach the subject with him now because otherwise, as he continues to accrue debt, your annoyance will also fester and grow until it reaches the point where it will come out in an angry torrent.

AutumnLeaves

Detroit wrote: »

I think this sets out the very worse case scenario, and in very emotive, one sided and subjective terms.

For balance:
It could equally be argued that if OPs husband is maintaining minimum payments and is paying the agreed share of household expenses, there isn't a problem.

His debt isn't huge by any standards and he hasn't defaulted, so arguably, it is under control. Certainly it's a world away from mortgage default and repossession. Many people carry modest consumer debt, and manage to avoid bankruptcy and loss of home!

It could also be argued he may not be deceiving the OP, as he may genuinely believe it when he tells her it's not a big deal. And many would agree!

OP has a major issue with CC interest. Maybe her husband doesn't. Maybe he has an issue with spending money on holidays, which OP doesn't. Whose to say one person is right and everything should be done their way?

What most would agree on, is that it's not ideal to go through a partner's correspondence without their knowledge or permission. This is a breach of trust.

OP, you should talk to your husband. Tell him your thoughts, listen to his, and try to reach a compromise that suits you both. I would however avoid going in with a heightened sense of self righteousness. There maybe more than one perspective on this.

Thanks Detroit, I agree with most of your points, apart from the holiday - it's only a very modest holiday in the UK, in fact it's a fishing holiday which suits him more than me, although I'm happy enough to relax and read a book for a few days! Anyhow, I don't need to justify having a holiday for the first time in 4 years. I totally agree with your comment about avoiding being self righteous as I do feel guilty about snooping to find out this info.

Today isn't the right day to broach the subject but I will certainly think carefully about how to go about it sooner rather than later.

Redacted

Suggest to him that you have a financial check up day. Look at all your cards, loans, insurance products, utilities, mobiles, internet, etc and see what you can save. Maybe set a target/challenge as to how much you can save and agree what those savings can then be spent on - holiday/hobbies/personal spendies to give an incentive to the process. You could join the energy savings club and the MSE credit club at the same time and agree a regular interval to keep re-checking things.

That way youd both know each others financial position but also both know who your insurance/utility providers are, etc should the one who normal takes control end up unexpectedly incapacitated. You could also talk wills/LPAs at the same time. He might feel less targeted if its part of a whole overhaul.

Detroit

AutumnLeaves wrote: »

Thanks Detroit, I agree with most of your points, apart from the holiday - it's only a very modest holiday in the UK, in fact it's a fishing holiday which suits him more than me, although I'm happy enough to relax and read a book for a few days! Anyhow, I don't need to justify having a holiday for the first time in 4 years. I totally agree with your comment about avoiding being self righteous as I do feel guilty about snooping to find out this info.

Today isn't the right day to broach the subject but I will certainly think carefully about how to go about it sooner rather than later.

Of course you don't need to justify your holiday. I was just using an example.

Some posters were very rigorous in judging your husband for what they see as his irresponsible attitude. I was pointing out that literally any expenditure above and beyond the essential could be seen in the same light, or not, dependent on your perspective.

I wanted to offer a counter point to the catastrophising and the encouragement to tackle this in a way that could harm your relationship that you've received in some responses is all.

You're right to calm down before addressing it. Good luck.

swingaloo

Perhaps I would be a bit sneaky about it.

If you don't think he will open up and agree he has maxed out the cards then maybe next time you are out together conveniently 'forget' to take your purse and ask if you could buy an item using his credit card and tell him you will pay him back.
Or perhaps ask him to pay the balance of your holiday on his card and then give him the cash, just for that extra bit of insurance you get when paying by card.

AutumnLeaves

Redacted wrote: »

Suggest to him that you have a financial check up day. Look at all your cards, loans, insurance products, utilities, mobiles, internet, etc and see what you can save. Maybe set a target/challenge as to how much you can save and agree what those savings can then be spent on - holiday/hobbies/personal spendies to give an incentive to the process. You could join the energy savings club and the MSE credit club at the same time and agree a regular interval to keep re-checking things.

That way youd both know each others financial position but also both know who your insurance/utility providers are, etc should the one who normal takes control end up unexpectedly incapacitated. You could also talk wills/LPAs at the same time. He might feel less targeted if its part of a whole overhaul.

That's a great idea, Redacted. Last year I made sure we updated our Wills (via the Which special offer on this website!) and I thought at the time that I should make a list of all the essential expenditure info in case either of us should become incapacitated. Thank you for the suggestion.

AutumnLeaves

Detroit wrote: »

Of course you don't need to justify your holiday. I was just using an example.

Some posters were very rigorous in judging your husband for what they see as his irresponsible attitude. I was pointing out that literally any expenditure above and beyond the essential could be seen in the same light, or not, dependent on your perspective.

I wanted to offer a counter point to the catastrophising and the encouragement to tackle this in a way that could harm your relationship that you've received in some responses is all.

You're right to calm down before addressing it. Good luck.

Thank you Detroit - I agree with your level-headed approach.