Is this considered intentionally homeless?

homeismycalm

Hi all,

I urgently need some advice about council housing and if they’d help me - My main question is, would I be considered intentionally homeless?

I’m married (separated), with a child of 11 weeks.

A few weeks back, my husband declared to me that he’s homosexual and can’t lie to me about it anymore. He says he no longer wishes to live as husband and wife but that I could carry on living here, as friends for our child’s sake. He says I couldn’t afford to move out anyway.

I have tried this approach of his and it isn’t any good. I feel upset 24/7 just looking at our Happy past, in this house. What I thought was our happiness anyway. Turns out the man I love/loved isn’t who I thought he was. The tension between us is bad, and the atmosphere feels toxic. I can’t however claim he’s absusive etc.

This property is privately rented by me and my husband. Both names on tenancy. However, I wouldn’t be able to afford the rent on my own. It’s £930 a month. I get next to nothing Maternity Allowance, and even if I wanted to, the amount I get in Maternity Allowance doesn’t even cover the rent! He refuses to move out anyway, and insists I should stay. He claims the council won’t House me because I’m not homeless, and if I made myself homeless, it would be declared that I was ‘intentionally homeless’.

Is he right?

Surely I can’t be made to stay put in a property where my husband has separated from me and has declared himself homosexual? It’s taking a big toll on me, to say the least.

marliepanda

Unfortunately I think you would fall foul of that. I!!!8217;m not an expert but you and your child have a home. A home which is making you miserable, but it is a roof over your head.

I!!!8217;d suggest going down to your local council and finding out what help is available, seeing if you can claim UC or housing benefit in order to find a private rental of your own.

Are there any friends or family you could stay with short term?

It is an unusual situation and one which will not be necessarily something with a hard and fast rule. However those with no homes or in abusive homes will be above you, as I!!!8217;m sure you understand, and councils don!!!8217;t have houses ready and waiting. The houses they do have ready for temp homeless housing aren!!!8217;t usually the nicest either...

I!!!8217;d really suggest getting a budgeting and benefits check up and seeing what you can find for yourself rather than waiting on the council.

homeismycalm

Thank you for the reply Marlie,

No family or friends to help out, unfortunately.

Isn!!!8217;t the fact my mental health could deteriorate a contributing factor too? Are children left in toxic environments, and that!!!8217;s deemed acceptable, just because it isn!!!8217;t abuse between the two adults?

Sorry for drip feeding, I should!!!8217;ve included my MH in my OP.

Is this the case (that the council can!!!8217;t help me), even if it!!!8217;s making me miserable and as such impacting my depression?

I do suffer with depression and worry my mental health may deteriorate, although I!!!8217;m hopeful I!!!8217;ll be okay.

homeismycalm

Sorry for all those explanation marks and what have you at the start of some sentences.

I certainly didn!!!8217;t put them there

pmlindyloo

Give these people a call in the morning. Make sure you read up about what to do before you make the phone call.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/helpline/

Your partner is exhibiting controlling behaviour which is the basis of domestic abuse.

They will be able to advise you and hopefully put you in contact with someone locally who will be able to help you move forward.

Cakeguts

Councils are short of properties. The mental health thing probably won't make any difference epecially if you are not claiming any disability benefits for your mental illness. It is often difficult for people with severe mental illnesses to get housing. The fact that your mental health might get worse also means that it might not.

Your local council will have a list of private landlords who might let cheaper properties. There is nothing stopping you from asking for housing advice at your local council.

homeismycalm

I’m cautious about claiming domestic violence (emotional/controlling behaviour can come under this).

But it isn’t severe, and I’m worried social services will get involved because I have a baby. Even though the emotional /controlling behaviour isn’t towards the baby and my baby isn’t at any risk of being harmed by his father

Cakeguts

homeismycalm wrote: »

I’m cautious about claiming domestic violence (emotional/controlling behaviour can come under this).

But it isn’t severe, and I’m worried social services will get involved because I have a baby. Even though the emotional /controlling behaviour isn’t towards the baby and my baby isn’t at any risk of being harmed by his father

What I think you want is a way to move out with your child?

Most councils will offer help on housing. They will be able to give you advice about how to get a property on your own. They may not be able to offer you any social housing because they may not consider you to be a high enough priority but only the council will know what their policies on housing are.

[Deleted User]

I can not imagine how you are feeling. Not only has your husband turned the tables on you in terms of his sexuality and what he wants in life, but he IS showing controlling behaviour which I am sure deep down you recognise.

I would advise going to see a solicitor. Only because the way he is representing things is not as the law will see it and I think you might need to see a solicitor to confirm that. At the moment I don't think what your husband says can be viewed as being said with your best interests at heart, unfortunately. You could also try https://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Advice/ but again, its a specialist area so view advice with caution. I think it could be argued that its not 'reasonable' to expect you to continue living in the same property as your husband in the given conditions so that will mean you are not intentionally homeless.

Unfortunately it is also true that social housing is difficult to get.., and gatekeeping exists which means they can try to deny they have any responsibility to house you even if they do. So phone Shelter. The area of housing need you are in is a bit of a specialist area but they may be able to help. Don't give up. Sometimes you have to go through an awful lot of 'bad' to get to a long term 'better' goal with housing.

However if you can argue its not reasonable to expect you to stay in that house with your husband, the council will have to give you priority as you have a child. But it won't be easy.

I have just found this article..., there is an email address at the bottom that may be helpful for support http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-33382824

sevenhills

homeismycalm wrote: »

Surely I can’t be made to stay put in a property where my husband has separated from me and has declared himself homosexual? It’s taking a big toll on me, to say the least.

Its likely that the council could take at least 6 months, if you are expecting something within a month, don't hold your breath. It could be a BB or a dump, the longer you wait, the better your chances of somewhere nice.
Depends very much on the council area, and there housing stock.

Get yourself on the list. Look around for a private rent, you may get housing benefit.

homeismycalm

Sorry but why has someone else!!!8217;s profile been linked in here? That is not me.