Able to remain in council house after relationship breakdown ?

JayBirdUK

Hi

My daughter has been a joint tenant with her partner in a council house (Birmingham UK) for the last 6-7 years.

He works full time and she is a stay at home mum of 3 boys aged 9, 4 and 1.

Unfortunately, the relationship has gone downhill over the last year or so and the last few months have seen him start to border on emotionally abusive to her and the two elder children. It takes very little in the way of noise or mess or somthing "not as he thinks it should be" for him to explode. The final straw came just before Christmas when he threatened to break the oldest's jaw and "Skull f***" him for looking at him wrong when he was telling him off. I will however say at this point that, although he screams and shouts, punches walls and doors and gets in their faces, he has not raised a hand to any of them.

My daughter has contacted the council about taking on the tenancy herself (although at the moment that would mean it being via benefits as he pays the rent out his salary) but has been told that, as it is a joint tenancy, it woud have to be terminated and they then cannot guarantee she would be able to stay in the property and she may end up homeless if they take the property back and she has to go back onto the housing list.

This is causing her the most concern at the moment as the boys all have friends in the road, their school is literally 6 houses up and she has all her friends and support network in the area.

She has been trying to get hold of groups such as citizens advise, shelter and some local support groups but, due to not wanting to speak while her partner is home, she has so far been unable to get through.

So ...... I am posting here to ask if any of you good people have any advise or can suggest groups/organisations that can advise her particularly on remaining in the home.

Thanks in advance

xylophone

due to not wanting to speak while her partner is home, she has so far been unable to get through.

But he's out at work all day?

http://www.lwa.org.uk/understanding-abuse/abusive-relationships/emotional-and-psychological-abuse.htm

JayBirdUK

He works shifts. 6am to 2pm or 2pm to 10pm.

She has tried ringing when he is out but has yet been able to either get through or has had a call back when he is there. She is trying each day and I understand you point.

Cakeguts

She can only do what the council's housing policy is. If they don't let people stay on in houses then that is their policy.

Davesnave

She will not end up homeless if the council take the property back, but they may not re-house her in the same sort or quality of property.

However, to be weighed against that is the likely sustainability of the relationship she's in and the effect that living in an unhappy, abusive houshold might have on the children in the long term.

It appears that the relationship, while it's gone downhill, has not failed completely, so surely counselling to address that should come into the equation, rather than just giving up on it.

Marvel1

Davesnave wrote: »

.
It appears that the relationship, while it's gone downhill, has not failed completely, so surely counselling to address that should come into the equation, rather than just giving up on it.

It would be over for me, children have to come first.

JayBirdUK wrote: »

. The final straw came just before Christmas when he threatened to break the oldest's jaw and "Skull f***" him for looking at him wrong when he was telling him off. I will however say at this point that, although he screams and shouts, punches walls and doors and gets in their faces, he has not raised a hand to any of them.

theartfullodger

Relationship breakdown does of itself not end tenancy nor require her to leave.

Big problem is that, assuming this is now "periodic" tenancy after the initial term, either joint tenant can issue notice to quit which will end the tenancy for both.

She really really really needs to get in touch (visit) CaB or a family law solicitor. Please!

Good luck, hope it works out

Pixie5740

theartfullodger wrote: »

Relationship breakdown does of itself not end tenancy nor require her to leave.

Big problem is that, assuming this is now "periodic" tenancy after the initial term, either joint tenant can issue notice to quit which will end the tenancy for both.

She really really really needs to get in touch (visit) CaB or a family law solicitor. Please!

Good luck, hope it works out

It's a council house so it's likely there is a secure tenancy in place.

I agree that the OP's daughter needs to seek legal advice as a matter of urgency.

Shelter: Relationship Breakdown

[Deleted User]

She could try Women's Aid but they usually ask for a phone number where they can call back without fear of being overheard for obvious reasons. They usually do call back within the hour though.

Surely she could go to her mothers/relatives/friends for a day, with mobile phone?

I suspect/hope the council were gatekeeping. If she is named on the tenancy, she should still have a right to keep the house, especially as she has enough children to make it a good fit re bedrooms. Breaking up from an abusive relationship might give her more protection but Women's Aid will advise on that. But she also really needs to ask herself is staying there the best thing to do?

She really does need advice from Womens Aid in order to protect herself. If her partner has made threats to her or the Children, she needs to also get a protection order. It doesn't matter why he's done this (he's depressed, vulnerable, having a tough time, needs her, whatever) he's an adult and needs to go away and sort himself out, not inflict it on others (I really am speaking from experience of this). His difficulties are not the responsibility of his gf or his children. They are his and only his.

But she might be better off moving out of the area completely, for safety's sake. This is what Women's Aid often advise.

Sorry to say this, but I was advised in a similar situation to get out for the sake of the children. I did, but only partially and it took many years to make the break more completely. My 22 year old son now asks me some very difficult questions and has undoubtedly been damaged by my lack of action. There is no adequate answer I can give as I know how badly I let my children down. There is a high price to pay for all parties if you don't get out, whatever the cost. The difficulties lasted over a decade because I didn't make a complete break early on. I can never undo it. Mine was rarely violent too, it was mostly emotional stuff, but it damages just as surely.

FBaby

In the end, it's better to lose that house and move away from an abusive partner. Being close to the school, friends etc... is a luxury. Kids adapt to longer travel, making new friends, changing schools. If she can keep and afford the rent, then all good, but she needs to accept that she might need to start making a new life for herself, even if it means another place to start again.

theartfullodger

Pixie5740 wrote: »

It's a council house so it's likely there is a secure tenancy in place.

I agree that the OP's daughter needs to seek legal advice as a matter of urgency.

Shelter: Relationship Breakdown

Yes, agree likely to be secure but also periodic almost certainly.