Husband in debt denial

cloud_dog

As a male and as the main income earner in our household, I think the OPs partners attitude to their life together and finances stinks!

Katiehound

Never mind the chips and chocolate argument - that's just a symptom.

It's a bit like a patient going to the Dr, just as the patient walks out after the 5 minute consultation they say "Oh, by the way doctor, I'm sure it's nothing but I thought I shouild mention........."
and the very important thing that they have been bottling up suddenly gets aired.

The symptoms here are that husband is the 'bread winner' and in his view his wife doesn't need to 'bother her silly little head' about finances........

My friend's daughter was married. Husband earned a bit more but they were both working with a good salary. At the end of the day she paid all the household bills whilst he bought 'boy's toys' and when he was short of money his parents bailed him out. At this point they must have been aged- early 30s. Marriage failed.....(and luckily no children.).

Here we have 4 children to add to the equation.

Yes, they need to talk finances, never mind a wish list.

Above all else you need to know it all just in case , heaven forbid, that circumstances change and you have to juggle it all.

colsten

creditscoremeansnothing wrote: »

To be honest if my wife had a moan at me for a £2.50 Snack, breakfast or maybe costa then it would have annoyed me. I work hard (as does she) and i don't want a lecture on what to spend my money on.

I deal with all the finances in the house as it is my job as a caring husband to take the worry and stress. My wife knows what savings we have and where they are and where the insurance policy is if i pop it. Thats it.... She s happy, i am happy and it works.

I don't think snooping around his credit card statements is going to help the situation, if my wife knew half the crap i buy on my credit card then she would probably divorce me.
:j:j:j

Gosh, I am glad I don't have to be married to you.

colsten

Going over to the Debt Free Wannabe board sounds a good idea to me as the folks hanging out there will most likely be able to help better than most of us here.

I have just one idea that you may or may not find helpful. Have a look how Relate might be able to help: https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/money-and-work

creditscoremeansnothing

colsten wrote: »

Gosh, I am glad I don't have to be married to you.

She doesn't HAVE to be married to me either, she chooses to be. She has no worries and can have what she likes. She has done all the hard work by bringing 4 kids up so i have aways shouldered the financial stress and dealt with it and in return she doesn't nag me about £2.50 for a breakfast.

Married for 20 years so i must be a pretty sick husband.

Oh and if she has been a really good wife i may buy her a £2.50 breakfast too :rotfl:

enjoyyourshoes

Agree with above posts on 'you both need to sit down and talk'.

1.0 What do we want to achieve in Life (and put this in financial terms)

2.0 Work out debts and do cash flow identifying all debts £, APR (plus APR post 0% deal), OD costs, and how much you can throw at debts (this will be affected by some of the following calculations), cash flow should show how long it will take to be debt free (not including mortgage in being debt free)

3.0 Calculate annual , 1/4 & 1/2 yearly costs and work out how much you need to accrue monthly to pay all this

4.0 Analyse monthly DD/SO and see which can be ditched, reduced or maintained.

5.0 Start reconciling bank account with dat from 4.0 & 3.0 and all spends

6.0 analyse this every month too see what savings you can make

7.0 Work out what you can throw at debts and put this into the cash flow in item 2.0 above. Set up SO to cover these and add these into bank reconciliation at the start of every month.

8.0 I think husband sounds and feels stressed, so I would suggest you suggest that you do all of the finances (mainly the daily bank reconciliation and manage the monthly discussion on analysis of the spending that month)

If you both have honestly felt with 1.0 then this should run smoothly

good luck